Helping a stranger with depression

In My Humble Opinion
1

A while ago I met a guy in an online chat room. He lives in a different city, and I don’t know his real name or anything significant or personal about him. We’ve chatted online a few times, and he’s a bright and funny guy. And at least as far as you can tell from talking to someone over text only, he seems pretty sincere and no more unstable than any of us are.

So tonight I start talking to him, and he explains that he’s not going to be talking online much anymore because he’s shutting off from everyone. He goes on talking (when I ask what’s wrong) and says that he doesn’t like anyone or anything anymore, he wants it all to be over, and so on. I’ve had bouts of mild depression before, and although for me it was never anything serious enough to require medication or counseling, I did recognize the language and those feelings.

He assured me that he wasn’t thinking of suicide, but he was the first to mention it. That was the part that scared me, and made me realize I was completely unqualified to help. All I knew to do was to be honest with him and tell him that this was serious, that I wasn’t qualified to help, and that he really needed to talk to someone about it. He’d mentioned earlier that not having a job was part of the problem, so I didn’t mention professional help because I didn’t want him to start focusing on the expense of it. I know that there are free counseling services, but I don’t know what they are, where they are in his city (in fact, I don’t know what city he lives in) or how to get in touch with them.

All I could think to do was tell him to think of the friend he trusted most before he cut off contact with them, and made him promise me that he’d try to get back in touch with that friend. I told him to get some rest and re-think everything tomorrow, because the morning would make a difference. I told him that it does get better (his response: “I don’t want it to get better”), that depression is normal, that everyone goes through it to one degree or another, and that there is a way out. The only thing left I could think to do was give him my e-mail address and tell him to use it if he wanted to talk or just dump.

I was completely helpless, and I know there was more I could’ve done. But what is it? How are you supposed to handle that kind of situation? Are there free counseling services available nationwide? What do you say to someone who doesn’t want to use those services? What can I say to this guy if he talks to me again, that will actually be helpful?

2

As someone that’s battled depression, off and on, for most of my (admittedly short) adult life and has never had insurance or enough money to afford pyschiatric help, I can empathize with him about not caring about anyone or anything and knowing the desperation of not having anywhere to turn.

Back in 2001, I was going through one of the worst times of my life, due mostly to a girl, and had a six month period of depression so bleak that I honestly felt like if everyone I loved were murdered in cold blood before my eyes, I’d’ve not cared and scared the hell out of me so I looked into a free clinic and was put on a six month waiting list.

I had to wait six months. For ***severe ** * depression. Needless to say, after that, I was feeling again, but not the things they wanted me to. Luckily, by the time the six month mark rolled around, I had lost the girl causing me most of my problems and my outlook had grown better so I just ignored them when they finally deigned to call and help and I’ve not had an episode anywhere near that bad since.

Um. Yeah… what’s my point in sharing all this? Free clinics suck ass and just avoid the hassle of going to one unless you like filling out paperwork and waiting around for up to half a year.

I’m sorry for your friend, Sol, but you did the best you could as an absent friend. Try not to beat yourself up about it.