Here Comes the Bride....

Ok, as some of you may, or may not know, I’ll be getting married in May of this year. We’ve got the invitations made and sent out, the boat reserved (www.americanrover.com) the menu picked out, the tux and dress bought…rings tucked safely away in the safe.

But, we didn’t register anyplace. sigh I’ve been living on my own for 10 years now, and basically have every thing that I need, or want. While we’ve bought a few things (like matching towels) since we moved in together, we have no great needs for household items. So what do we do?..Register someplace and then take everything back and trade it in for Christmas presents next year? Are there any Dopers that have gone through a late in life wedding that have some hints?..or any advice from any others would be appreciated. I have absolutely no idea what to do. Personally, I find the whole idea of registering to be a bit tacky, but my mother is very insistent that it is tradition. Thanks in advance

My fiance and I aren’t registering anywhere. Instead of gifts, we’re asking people to help out with the wedding. (We’ve lived together for over a year, and we each had one of everything we needed before we moved in together.) So some people are helping cater or cook, some are providing some of the decorations, etc.

But then again, we’ve never been the traditional type. She’ll be wearing a beautiful green velvet dress, and we’ll be saying at least a part of our vows in a language we created. :slight_smile:

Your Quadell

I’m in a somewhat similar situation, where my fiance and I have pretty much everything we need. We have both wanted to go camping lots and lots, though, so we have decided to try registering at REI for the equipment which we will need and have NONE of.

Do you guys have an interest that you could flesh out with a registry at a specialty-type store? Might be a solution.


“It says, I choo-choo-choose you. And it’s got a picture of a train.”
– Ralph Wiggum

Don’t listen to mom. If she brings up the “traditional” argument again, retort back that it’s ALSO traditional for a bride to be a virgin when she marries. :wink:

Or maybe not.

Anyway, a couple people I know were in their 30’s and 40’s when they tied the knot. One couple registered at odd places - a local landscaping company and a hardware store. Quirky but interesting to donate an azalea.

Anyway, the other couple put in a nice little note that said they preferred that gifts not be brought. They noted that if we INSISTED on it, to just please donate any money we would have spent on gifts to a local cancer treatment center (her mother had died of cancer the year before).

It’s a highly personal matter, and I think you should follow your heart. Just keep in mind that a lot of people want to express their congratulations to you and wish you the best. And one of the ways we do it is through gifts.

P.S. I organized a honeymoon at The Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island for one of my close girlfriends in lieu of a traditional gift. All the bridesmaids went in on it (with the help of the groom.) It was a nice, non-traditional gift.

At,

It is traditional to register, and I think in today’s society late weddings and second (or third) weddings are pretty common.

In the case of my brother and sis-in-law, they went ahead and registered at several places. It is pretty much expected.

Think of it this way, you can register for new and improved things you want and donate the old stuff to a charity :slight_smile: I know that sounds tacky.

My bro and sis-in-law were able to get things that replaced the old stuff that helped their home become new and fresh…the kitchen thing comes to mind, they registered for all chrome stuff for appliances such as toaster, blender etc. among other things.

If you are strong in not registering, then explicitly state that no gifts are needed, that their presence in your union is enough. If people ask what you want, you state kindly that “we have everything we need and we just want you to celebrate our vows with us because we love you.”

Anyhow, those are the two choices from my perspective.

Just tell your Mom that, according to Miss Manners, registering is not a tradition, it’s just a tacky modern custom and that gifts should not be hinted-at in any way. Seriously, I thought the above-mentioned suggestion of registering at a non-traditional place was great.

Oh–and best wishes!

I did not register when I got married for the same reason… we already had everything. We ended up getting some really nice gifts though. Pots and pans, baking pans, casserole dishes, mirrors and clocks, a camera, and lots of cash. You can always use the pots and pans and other dishes. Even if you have to store them away for awhile.

As for tradition, I say, it’s your wedding and if you don’t want to register, don’t register.


That John Denver’s full of shit man!

My husband and I did not register anywhere, and we got:
1 nice birdfeeder
1 beautiful picture album
a boatload of cash.

Worked out VERY well!
Zette

“If I had to live your life, I’d be begging to have someone pop out both my eyes. Just in case I came across a mirror.” - android209 (in the Pit)
Zettecity
Voted “Most Empathetic”- can you believe that?

We did the same thing too, Zette. I wanted to register at AutoZone, but my wife would not have any part of that :(. We made out big on the cash like you guys.

And the first place I stopped after the honeymoon was AutoZone. I’ve always been a romantic kind of guy.


…send lawyers, guns, and money…

       Warren Zevon

Okay, here’s my two cents. A cousin of mine is getting married this year. She and her live-in fiance already have the basics. They registered for stuff that’s not necessary, but nice to have. (Fancy towels, a breadmaker, etc.) Some people think registering is tacky. I thought so, too, until all these people kept asking what we wanted. When I said, “Oh, we’re not registered yet,” they’d say, “Oh, so you just want money?” I think that sounds more tacky. Granted, we both moved out from our parents’ homes, so we needed a LOT of stuff.
Another idea I’ve heard of (and I don’t like, BTW) is that you can “register” at a travel agency. The agency sets up an account for you and people can donate money to a “honeymoon fund.” Yeah. Whatever.

I, too, wondered whether registering was tacky.

But my mother, the fountain of all things wise and wonderful, explained it to me this way:

–People will want to get you a gift. Some people feel more comfortable giving an actual gift–they may not want to give you money. People who want to give you money will give it to you regardless. People who do not want to give you money will give you a gift.

–People want to get you something that you will like. They often find it easier and more convenient to look at a registry list than to figure it out for themselves. Why not make it convenient for them? Having a registry in no way obliges people to buy from that registry.

–Therefore, you should register. It will help those who want to use it, and it will make no difference to those who do not want to use it.

To build on what Cher3 said–Miss Manners does not say that you should not register–she acknowledges that registries serve a purpose. Her main point, and this is important, is that you never tell people what you want them to get you unless they ask! If they ask where you are registered, then you can tell them. You can make sure that a few key people (moms, members of the wedding party) know where you are registered, uncase somebody asks them. Never, never, never include a card saying where you are registered.

I think you should register somewhere. Somewhere non-traditional is fine. How 'bout Home Depot? And I loved PunditLisa’s idea of registering at a garden center. Make sure you register for things in a variety of price ranges, too. If you register for only expensive stuff, that tacky.

One thought, though, is that some more traditional guests will want to get you household items, so registering for some of those might be a good idea. Register for some luxurious things that you would not normally buy for yourself–super-soft sheets, a juicer, fine wine glasses.

Wanna hear a weird registry story? One relative (of my husband, of course) sent us 2 knives and one washcloth. One washcloth??? We had registered for 4, somebody else had gotten us 2 (as part of towel sets) and this relative sent us one. How strange!

Good luck, and congratulations.

–Bean, who ponied up the 4 bucks to buy the other washcloth.

Another reason for registering:

When my brother got married, he and his wife didn’t register anywhere.

They received seven or eight sets of glasses.

PS (I almost forgot)

Congratulations Atrael! I am getting married in August this year and am facing the same dilemma.

Registering is supposedly not tacky because rather than implying that you expect a gift it simply gives suggestions of gifts you might like. Tacky is telling where you’re registered in the invitation. You’re suposed to wait for people to ask you or hear it through the grapevine, lol.

We were pretty unconventional, we registered at Target. This insured that friends without a lot of money could participate in that “wedding registry” sort of thing without having to break the bank, and there is enough practical and pricey to satisfy any big ticket gift givers (parents and the like). It also insures that you’re going to get something you want and not get stuck with. We had a bit of an unconventional wedding as well, of course. We got married at the Excalibur in Las Vegas and in lieu of a reception we took everyone to King Arthur’s banquet (or whatever it was called!) Loser gifts from people not buying from the registry: about a dozen ugly frames I’d never buy in a jillion years.


Now there’s nothing unexpected about the water giving out; “Land” is not a word we have to shout.

My ex in laws were furious when I refused to register. I knew that my mom was giving me her good china and silver, which I’ll probably never use (but love for the sentiment) and I had lived on my own since I was 17.

There answer was to just plunk a 12 place setting of china, crystal, silver,and completers sets on us with the most horrid design. That was the punishment and they look awfully fine in the boxes they are in down in the storage.

There is no point in registering to receive a bunch of things that you will never use or already have. The way I see it, is that its your wedding, do what makes you happy.


We are, each of us angels with only one wing,and we can only fly by embracing one another

Oops… their answer…


We are, each of us angels with only one wing,and we can only fly by embracing one another

Thanks everyone for all the great suggestions and ideas…I really like the Home Depot and the camping equipment ideas.

A few other details (and to bump this up for the day). I do expect that both my parents and hers will give us money…and possible one or two others as well, but we’ve had 4 people ask about the registry thing. Some of the guests are people that knew me as a child, friends of the family, that sort of thing…I don’t know them well enought that they’re comfortable giving money, and I agree that implying that money would be ok is just as bad if not worse. The wedding is basically paid for, doing it on the ship took a lot of the work out of planning. We have to use thier caterer, and a DJ or guitarist(sp?) that they approve, so that’s all done. We’ve saved enought to pay for everything before the date, so we don’t really need help paying for it(I hate putting anything on credit)

We sat down and thought of a list of things that, while we didn’t need, we would probably use, and came up with like 6 things. So if we register only with that amount, we’re basically saying “Buy us this”. I mean, I’ve been very lucky and had some nice paying jobs, so I have all new stuff, and it’s nice things too, so we really really don’t need anything. I thought about the China idea, but I’d never use it…ever. So that seems like a huge waste. We’re thinking of registering at someplace like “Bed Bath and Beyond”…maybe get some more sheets sigh or towels or something…I don’t know…the whole idea irritates me…I thought I was done with all the hard stuff, and then I have this to worry about too… :rolleyes:

Thanks again for the help everyone, and for the congrats. Everyone is Cyber-invited to attend…but I am not making any more of those damn invitations…took us days to box them up and ship them.

Best of luck to you both. You are a sweet couple. I’m glad that we’ve had the chance to meet and enjoy some laughs together. Have a beautiful wedding day, a safe honeymoon, and bring back some wonderful stories…



Girlbysea (AKA: ChiefScott’s GBS)

Atreal –

A new bride can never have enough lingerie. I recommend that you and the soon-to-be-missus register at Victoria’s Secret and Frederick’s of Hollywood.

You can also ask for a correctly spelled Username…


Voted Best Sport
And narrowly averted the despised moniker Smiley Master

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