Will everyone in the cast get a chance to impersonate Sylar impersonating them? Coleman really looked like he was enjoying his work.
Noah checks out Sylar’s meatbag for corpse status confirmation. There’s only one way to be sure, but if he’s right, he’s going to wake up a homicidal psychopath who’s probably still pissed about the whole throat slashing/girlfriend shooting/eclipse thing. (Hey, just because Sylar finished Elle off himself later that night doesn’t mean he didn’t have feelings for her.) Noah reaches for the spike in Sylar’s head and-
Danko: Look who I caught. Nyah nyah. You suck, I rule, HEY DON’T TOUCH THAT SPIKE! Of course it’s Sylar. Who else could it be? Your missus is here downstairs. Looks pissed too. Stop. Touching. That. SPIKE!
*Bert, Ernie and Matty drive the world’s ugliest car cross country.
Matty’s crying. Maybe its allergies. Maybe he hates Ohio. Maybe he really hates that hideous car. Especially since it’s as dead as Hiro’s teleportation. They try to thumb a ride with a fellow son of Nippon driving truck, but his Japanese language skills are as defunct as his 18 wheeler. The boys deduce that happy Matty makes things go, but cranky Matty kills car motors like 15 years in a Amish horse bar would. *
*Daddy Matt and Mo are camping out in yet another ugly hotel room; Mohinder’s packing his passport , Matt’s playing with a gun. *
Mohinder: “I’m going back to India, but I’m going to stop at the apartment first. No chance they’d have a surveillance camera set up. You coming?”
Matt: I love you man, but I’m getting my vengeance on.
Mo: Slow boat to India. Sure I can’t tempt you?
*
Sandra comes to kick Noah’s ass for ignoring her about Claire. *
Noah: That’s nice dear, hey, I think Sylar’s alive even though he’s decomposing in the next room. I was going to pull the railway spike out of his head but that seemed kinda risky. Well, better sorry than-
Danko: Hi Mrs B- nice meeting you finally
Sandra: So you’re the perv who put the cameras in our bathroom?
Danko: What no, us,? No…Really? Uh, yes! That was us. Now if you’ll excuse me…
Goes to the head, where he’s already in there taking a leak. Yes, it does get weird at this point.
Danko: It’s fun being you. But I think there’s something wrong with your pecker.
Danko at the urinal: Are you out of your mind, what are you doing here?
Danko: I’m sorry, which one am I?
Urinal Danko: morphs into Sylar Damn. Now I’m confused.
Angela: Coyote Sands. You know the place? Get your ass there. I’m bringing the kids.
Noah: Only know it as old Primatech legend. We have a dead Sylar, by the way. I’m going to go do a systems check on the corpse.
Angela: No, Noah don’t do it don’t do it Noah no no no NO! Noah, DON”T. Stop that…………. Shit.
Noah: Hey, who swiped my nemesis’s corpse? Chases after the meatwagon and opens up the bag where Zach Quinto’s been spending a whole lot of screen time recently. Hope he didn’t get a rash or anything. *
Noah: Hold up guys, keep your guns on the dead guy, he’s a tricky one. Sploorks the railway spike out of Sylar’s head, and readies his weapon, but the corpse continues to behave the way corpses are supposed to. Normally, this means you can stand down from red alert. Not this time.
Noah goes home to change out of the pants he probably just crapped. Sandra knocks, bearing paperwork. *
Sandra: Sign these. I want a divorce. I don’t even feel married to you anymore. You lie.
Noah: Oh god…… this stiff melodramatic out of character speechifying. Are we going back in time to Pinehurst days? Because, really, no one wants that.
Annie: Oh god, noooooooooooo!!! Not more Villains-plot! Noooooo
Sandra: I don’t Love. You. I don’t Re Spect You. And that bedspread is hideous.
Noah: Oh gawd noooooooooo don’t leave……Don’t you see? There’s only three types of women in this universe; wives, Claire, and dead!
Sandra: Yeah. Funny about that. Goodbye.
*Sandra and her spunky retro coat stride down the alley and smirks a bit. Yeah, it’s Sylar, and he morphs back to himself and is probably glad that Noah didn’t want a shag for old times’ sake. Or not. He’s really working Sandra’s coat. Sylar does chick pretty well. It seems to be that while he can morph form, he can’t always morph the clothes. This could be important, people.
Ando experiences that first horror of childrearing, that moment when a parent realizes their personality has been subsumed and will never be the same again: doing something batshit insane to make the baby happy. And he will do it, dammit, because if Matty’s not happy then no one’s happy. Or going any farther east.
Matt stalks Danko outside B26 and brain mojo thingy’s him into going to protect whoever the hell it is he loves. Turns out, it’s some fairly hot chick from the old country. Danko-who for some reason feels he has to lie to the ex-escort about his job and name- confirms all is well with Elena, that she’s probably not Sylar in girlfriend drag and goes back to B26 to violate someone’s civil rights. Matt stumbles in, not really knowing if he should shoot her in the head or wind his watch. *
Elena: How did you get in here? Are you going to take me back to the escort agency?
Matt: Danko’s doing a pro? Freaky!
Elena: Let’s have tea and I’ll tell you all about it.
Matt: Draws gun Let’s go see your boyfriend the genocidal maniac
*Smartypants Noah may not recognize when someone’s impersonating his wife and divorces his ass, but like a good married man, he knows his wife’s handwriting from 40 paces. Doesn’t know when his nemesis is impersonating her divorcing his ass, but whatever. The lab calls back to confirm the spike turns up negative for Gray-blood. Pieces sufficiently put together, it’s time for Noah to get the vengeance on.
Mohinder disguises himself as Andy Capp but blows his cover by going back to the apartment of creepy green walls (Really-what is that weird wall shit? Mould? Textured wallpaper?) Since he’s a smart guy he uses his Hulk thumb to bash out the deadbolt instead of utilizing the roguishly butch but unfortunately loud boot to the doorframe to gain entrance. *
Mo: Hey, where’s my stuff? Oh god, where’s my elephant? And is this turtle shit on the floor?
Landlord: Buncha government guys came and took it all away. By the way, they found all the little girl clothes, and they think you’re a pervert. Just thought I’d share that.
Mo: My papers, my research??? No!!!
Landlord: Get you dad’s crap out of my basement. Actually, I thought the FBI would’ve taken that too, but I guess hiding his papers in cardboard file boxes with ‘SURESH’ written all over the sides was his cunning way of keeping them out of the government’s hands.
Noah slams Sandra into the table and sticks a gun up her neck
Sandra: Noah, really, you act like I just told you I want a divorce
Noah: You’re Sylar, what did you do to my wife, you sonofabitch, I’m just going to blow you head off right here-
Sandra: Noah, NO, it’s me, what are you doing, if you kill me who’s going to look after Mr Muggles and…………the other one?
Noah: Uh, Lyle?
Sandra: No……… oh right, yeah, our son!
Noah: You really are Sandra! I’m so sorry I tried to blow your skull open
Sandra: Want divorce, dear.
*Nice transition between the baby wrangler’s touching and going out of the Chevron station, and the Petrelli flying squad stopping in for a quick coordinates check on their way to meet mom at Area 61. Highway 61. Area Coyote. Wherever. *
Hiro: Where’s MattPacman? We have special derivery for him. How come your phone still works?
Mo: I left him in Washington with a sidearm, a death wish and an Old Testament size case of bringing down the righteous vengeance upon his enemy. I wish he had something he thinks he could live for.
- In background* Waaaaaaaaaaa * deep baby breath and gasp to reload * WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Hiro: Nope, sorry, can’t think of anything to help you with that-Ando, make the face!- you have an address for Matt? We got something for him.
Matt: Geeze, Hiro, you guys got across America way faster this year! And it’s called suicide by cop and you just rolled me away from doing it, dammit-you roll me back in front of that bullet right this minute!
Hiro: No, MattPacman. You are a hero. You have a destiny. See? Ando makes funny faces at your destiny.
Matt: Awww, baby! Gooogooogooooo!
Matty? Gooo?
Matt: Googidy gooo! Wow, I hope this is Janice’s kid.
Hiro: He looks like you!
Matt: Hiro, all babies look like me.
Sylar/Noah drama queens across the bullpen over to Danko’s office. Couldn’t find any HRG’s to complete the ensemble, though.
Sylar impersonating Noah: Hiya.
Danko: You shouldn’t be here. You could get caught
Noah impersonating Sylar impersonating Noah: Psych! Where’s Sylar?
Danko: Downstairs pretending to be tactical chief. He really seems to like wearing the SWAT uniform, but he’s got to stop keeping women’s clothes in his locker.
Noah: You’re Sylar!
Tactical guy: Uh, no?
Noah: Yes! Bang
TG: Bleeds. A lot.
Noah: Get up!
TG: Still bleeding.
Noah: OK, maybe I was wrong
Danko: No, now you’re a murderer. Enjoy running for your life.
TG: Yes. Run along now. Anytime, please. *Noah splits; the rest of the team leaves their fallen brother lying in his blood puddle, go out for beers. *
Danko: You do dead good.
Tactical Dead Guy Sylar: *spits out bullet. * Yeah.
Danko: Really good.
Sylar: Not that good. Stop looking at me like that.
Danko: This isn’t an evil grin.
*Noah, wearing the green field jacket of righteousness, leaves Sandra the “ I love you, I’m on the run, you can’t find me ever again” phone message. Mohinder, having rooted through dad’s boxes to find his Area Coyote files, fires up the Big Map of String, and all the threads point desert-way.
Peter and Angela show up to a decrepit desert camp in a really ugly SUV; Nathan and Claire, after stopping for new threads somewhere, zoom down. She hauls out the tools and gets the kids to start digging. *
Peter: What, are we going to make Nathan dig his own grave? Geeze mom, you are harsh.
Angela: Actually, I’ve mellowed. All of you, dig.
The young’uns make with the digging, Angela makes with the Indiana Jones walking around the dig site watching all the Egyptian laborers dig. They get about waist deep, and….
Nathan: Thunk thunkthunk. Ma? WTF? It’s a skull. Shot in the forehead.
Angela: It’s a start. Keep going *more diggydigdig *
Nathan: You’re evil, ma. You know that, right?
Noah the hunted, now an honorary Petrelli, shows up too: God, Angela, your idea of family reunification is to get everyone together to exhume the hidden bodies? Thank Christ you let me and Sandra raise Claire
Claire, waving from pit #2: Hi daddy!
*Next week: Secret experimental programs from the 60’s in the desert, scary little girls, foreshadowing references to legends about men who fly too close to the sun to impress their parents, and Dr Suresh, probably up to no good. Chandra - that Dr. Suresh-right? *