OK, last week I didn’t have the heart to recap poor little baby Gabriel and his missing teeth seeing his mommy all sliced up-although growed up Sylar muttering ‘Mommy’ to himself? Heh. I’ll find a way. Maybe not now, maybe not next week, but some day….someone has to pay for that Fleetwood Mac earworm I had all last week
*We start w/Claire searching heartily through the microwave looking for her ‘corn. C’mon girl, it’s a square foot in there, it’s not like trying to find the lost pizza from Saturday in the fridge. She hears, from really quite close, someone chomping away and trying to dislodge the husk from their teeth with their tongue, which never really works.
*
Claire: Why aren’t you dead? Sylar made your brain bleed, then the building blowed up.
PuppetSchmuck: Oh, excuse me Barbie, did you see a body? No? Then I’m not dead, right? Sylar and I had that impervious shield of the evil- explosions can’t kill us. You really need to learn some of these good vs. evil hero conventions. Maybe you could, oh, say, get a job where you could read a lot of comics ‘n stuff. Can you hide me from the bad ninja pool cleaners? Really, I’m changed. Can *sniff *cry and feel bad and-stuff.
Claire: I’m not that stu-
Doyle: sniff?
Claire: oh, shit, I am!
*Matty go boom? Hold up, Nathan “how’d he get there so fast” Petrelli leaves B26 from the roof door and comes to the rescue. *
Nathan: Since Matt’s not a relative, I’m at no risk for assault by hug, so talking down the guy who I kidnapped, incarcerated and de-girlfriend’ed, hey, he’ll trust me! Matt, you know you can trust me, right?
Matt: Come pull this black wire
Nathan: You read the explosive guy’s mind? This one will defuse it?
Matt: Too high, can’t read them. Just want you to go boom too.
Matt: This vest was just held on by Velcro? Sonofa….
Nathan: Asshole. *Thwap *
Matt: Aw, man, not the chocolate mi- oooh, everything looks fluffy now!
*Tracy, who’s been buried so far under B26 she’s now only a series of electrons and freezer buildup, screams “You’re one of us Nathan” from the big monitor. Gee, no one reacting to that when she and Nathan were in the van a few weeks back- someone thought to save the tape? Hey, the ninja HQ guys aren’t as dumb as they-probably aren’t. *
Nathan: I’m absolutely not shitting a brick.
Danko: Whatever could she have meant by this, Senator?
HRG: Dammit Danko, quit hanging around Parkman. He’s like, the anti-detective. He’s been pushing his lack of intuition and investigative skills into your head
Nathan: Tracy, you won’t tell anyone about me and the, uh, *vwoomp *‘frying man’ thing, will you?
Tracy: I slept with you? On purpose? Hey, it’s the weasel’s turn to piss me off now, go away
*Checking w/Tracy about Nathan? Reviewing the ‘Peter escapes’ video for clues? Danko, you need it spelled out? Freeze frame video, buddy, the button with the two lines? Pause button. Could help you with this research. *
Nathan: President likes me more than you. Bye, ya annoying weasel. Noah, you get his desk
HRG: Oh, I so love the government gigs. The ordinance is awesome!
Danko: Yeah, like, this here gun. Bang, hits the window
Nathan: why in the hell can’t you and Noah here ever shoot and hit something besides a shoulder? Do you go to some special ‘4 inches to the left of the heart’ sniper school? Hey, hey, don’t body check me into this broken window-aaaaaaaahgggghhhhh. Oooh, floaty!
Danko: I knew it!!
HRG: Really, Danko, how long did it take you to figure that out? You’re a stain on the black ops of this nation. Stay fired.
*Sylar, after finding his little toy car and realizing he plagiarized his signature slice move after all, finds his dad’s hut in the boonies. *
Sylar: OK, I knew he were a taxidermist so I wasn’t expecting Georgian revival, but a trailer? Can I have another father, please? No, OK, I’ll knock.
Dad: Here to pick up something stuffed and dead?
Sylar: You killed my mommy, prepare to die!
Dad: I did? Well, if you say so. I killed a lot of broads in my time, you say I was married to this one? Geeze, you’d think I’d remember a wife killing……. Well, whatever. Knock yourself out. Life blows. You say you know where to cut?
Sylar: You know, you aren’t making this very dramatic and cathartic at all. The least you can do is whine a bit.
Dad: Make yourself useful and grab that bunny
Sylar: Yes sir, dad. I can hold your bunny! Do you love me yet?
Claire: Hey, I heard your day shift guy quit and left town suddenly after being hunted by the parking ticket enforcement operatives. Can I have his job?
Comic boss: Flight or invisibility- what type of hero are you?
Claire: lip wobbles with guilt or something
CB: Shit girl, don’t cry, it’s just a metaphor. Hell, you got the job. Just mind the nerds, they don’t see many girls in actual 3D
Nerds: Hey, quit with the comic geek stereotypes
CB: There’s a reason you’re being filmed only above the waist.
Angela: You have a very checkered history Mr. Danko. Maybe you have an ability too?
Danko: Yeah, being oblivious to the obvious. That helps me in my work as an investigator.
Angela: You’ve spent a lot of time with Matt Parkman, then? Do you scream at him to get out of your head? He loves it when you do that
Sylar: A knife? What’s this do?
Dad: Kill the bunny, tuff guy-you’re a wimp, you get as far away from you prey as you can and TK them from a distance, you coward, you never have to hold your victim and feel the life drai-
Thwack, splort
Dad: Uh, well, never mind, I guess.
Sylar: Ooh, knife owie. Damn, I never cut myself when I’m working with my hands. Wait, you steal people’s abilities too? Hey check this out, I can heal my boo boos.
Dad: Learn from the master, boy. Sylar gets nailed to the wall .With nails… Arrows. Whatever. Anyhow, his karma gets balanced.
Dad: I will hum you to sleep. Then rip the heal right outta you.
Sylar: Oh, I think not- *dad thwap! *
Dad: For god’s sake, you’ll heal after I’m done! Ya big baby…
Sylar: Well, what can I say, only child, we never learn to share. Hey, know what? Maybe I wouldn’t have been an only child if *you didn’t kill my mother! *
Dad: So you’re going to leave me here to die in my trailer of dead things?
Sylar: Sure.
Dad: Seems rather anticlimactic, actually
After working about a nanosecond, Claire runs out of the store because the pressure of her double life as an underground railway conductor/manga purveyor is too much to bear- so she calls dad for a peptalk
HRG: Hell, honey, I dunno- do you get to hold anyone hostage in the storeroom? That always gave me a sense of purpose when I worked for Primatech
Claire: Gotta split, the ninja pool cleaners are chasing the pudgy guy.
Angela, in the limo: *Socks??? Oh, Angie, it’s not the pilot episode anymore, you need some life in your life. *
Claire: Did you mean what you said bout how you changed?
Doyle: Suka…………
Claire: Shit. Fell for it like a hug
Doyle: Well, I didn’t make you pull your skirt up over your head. Take that as you will.
Hiro: Herro? Is Matt Parkman here being held by scary men?
Scary girl: O, ya-ha, the agency sent two men with lousy English to look after the baby? ‘kay, I’m gone, watch out for the kid. His head spins around and he spews boric acid and bile from his eyes. And every time I get near his crib, all I can think is “ Tinkywinky on? Want baba!” I gotta stop getting high before work
Hiro: It’s looking at me funny
SG:*Hands Hiro a baby, setting Hiro and Ando up for their next really annoying slapstick adventure. *
(Little Matt, dear god child, what is your ability- You can plant thoughts in people’s minds, just like daddy? Seems like the only thought you ever have is ‘want more bottle!” Tell mom that the formula’s suppose to be diluted before she puts it in the bottle, ya cute little Pudgecicle, you.)
*In voiceover land, Mohinder tells us something about parents and predestination; Claire get Rebel’d with a message that the bell tolls for her; Danko comes home and finds that Sylar has a fluffy new trademark apart from the brain vivisectioning; the ninja’s come and find Claire gone; she’s in the loving arms of a man who can fly. Thankfully, it’s not West.
*
In 2 weeks: Tracy gets her chill on, Mohinder gets a tour of the chocolate milk ward
