Heroes 4-8 'Once Upon a Time in Texas' (11/02/09) (Spoilers)

Cafe Society
1

Last time on the Claire and Sylar show: A bunch of crap that’s probably not relevant to tonight’s episode, so let’s save it for next week.

Tonight: Hiro’s latest bloop through time and space has plopped him back to Texas 'round about the time he met Charlie and was having a lovely day making nice with the pretty waitress and it was all going so well until she was brutally Sylar-cized while Hiro was in the bathroom. Now he has a chance to save Charlie, every subsequent Sylar victim, and maybe even de-Sylar the entire timeline of the past three years? Maybe we’d get Elle and Bob back? Eden? Isaac, the only right and proper prognosti-painter?Yeah, too good to be true, I guess. Oh yeah, Charlie had a brain aneurysm just waiting to pop even before Sylar got to her, so it wasn’t like she was shopping for 20 year mortgages in the first place.

From the show’s site (with a casting spoiler that pleases me greatly):

When Hiro travels three years into the past, he has a second chance to save Charlie from the hands of Sylar. However, Samuel’s presence serves to complicate Hiro’s mission even further. Elsewhere, H.R.G.'s past with his Primatech partner (ed: some blonde broad) is revealed. James Kyson Lee, Hayden Panettiere and Sendhil Ramamurthy also star.

A couple of new people look like they’re going to be able to mess with Sylar Classic this time, not just Hiro, Ando, Charlie and Lloyd the sheriff. Really spoily pictures for tonight: Hey, I don’t remember that happening before! and they weren’t there! (Hotlinking not allowed,:mad: so copy & paste, if sufficiently energized to do so)

2

OK Hiro, fuck Charlie being lost in time,she’s probably having a blast; you do whatever the bad butterfly man tells you and undead Mohinder!

If they’ve DL’d him out of the show I will stomp my little feet, and stomp them some more!

3

Crono to his Marle…that’s gotta be the nerdiest reference I’ve seen on a TV show in a long time. Nice.

I wonder if they stuck Charlie in the same spacetime purgatory spot as that irish girl Peter hooked up with back in season 2.

4

Hell, maybe he’s full of it, and she’s locked in a trailer somewhere. The old guy didn’t look like he had too many more bloops left in him, if you’re just needing somewhere to stick a hostage you don’t need to hide them in the S/T continuum. Hell, she could be sitting on a bench right in front of him but the make stuff disappear guy threw the veil over her

5

Well, that was just one big tangled ball of timey-wimey, wibbly-wobbly… stuff.

6

Yes, but nothing went “ding.”

Well, at least we know where Mohinder went.

7

Heh. “Where’s your sword?” Heh, heh. :smiley:

8

I’m wondering if the Charlie who met Hiro in the bar is even real. Given the array of talents at the Evil Carnival, I would not be surprised if they had an illusionist.

9

That was what I was expecting when T-bag said, “I’ve done a very bad thing, Hiro.”

Oh, and who the hell was the blonde agent? It really bugged me that she was with Noah in the diner, apparently had a good amount of history with him, but we’ve never even heard of her before. That’s one thing this show is really bad about- they just keep introducing new characters without resolving old ones first. The best episodes, in my mind, are the ones that focus on just one or two characters.

10

Hmmmm, interesting- Alive Charlie’s living her life in '09 wondering where Hiro disappeared to/tried to stop Sylar herself, killed/joined Sylar for seriall killing trip around the world
Good episode stuff: Hiro/Charlie/time wibbly wobbly:

Would have been good in a different episode, but guess they threw into the '06 one for logic’s sake:Noah and Agent new character setup (that’s speculation).
BTW, for spoiler phobes, there’s a Class 1 pretty much confirmed out there about an actor, including imdb.

Major character really, truly, we promise it’s real this time, killed off

Quick google should give you the answer

11

Yeah, he looked pretty dead from previous episodes. Weird that they’re not going to have Hiro’s antics “make it didn’t happen” though. Given how many times they’ve pushed the reset button because of time travel. [/spoiler]

12

I do wish they’d stop mining cool episodes from season one. This season has been okay so it’s not like they’re apparently creatively bereft or anything. But these retcons are tedious. So now we are going to be asked to accept that Elisabeth Rohm was there in the background all along? Surprised she didn’t trip over Elle & Meredith who were similarly clumsily added retrospectively. I hoped we might see Thompson again but no such luck. Oh well, I guess if I get bored at least I can fun repeating some of Rohm’s dialogue back at her in a Dalek voice like I used to do when she would get on my nerves on Law & Order.

Didn’t really like the ep as a whole. And, although it was nice to see Charlie again, the whole thing about saving her and then letting Sylar go on his merry killing way just felt unpleasant to me. We know from ‘Homecoming’ that he’s off to kill Jackie, who had her flaws but was a young girl with her whole life ahead of her. Plus, she kind of sacrifices herself to try and save Claire as she’s dying which is rather noble. Also, she kicks Sylar in the nads which means I automatically love her a bit. And it felt very forced to have Charlie is essence SAY how selfish Hiro’s plan was just so she could then say but wait! it’s not really because Hiro is so sweet and caring, yay! Like the writers knew they had to address the selfishness point but didn’t really have an effective answer to it.

Why the hell did Hiro have to ask Sylar in the first place? Did he think Peter was full of shit with his claims to be off finding a healer or what? Why not just teleport Charlie back to the hospital in 2009? On the upside, glad to see the carnival storyline is progressing.

Re casting spoiler stuff:

I saw that strongly rumoured a while back but was still sad to see it confirmed yesterday. Whilst, let’s face it, presumably the writing was well and truly on the wall as far as his time on the show was concerned, the fact they broke the news to him by letting him find out by reading it in the script is beyond appalling.

13

Was it just my TV or was Sylar’s scruff much more plainly visble when he was outside than when he was inside helping Charlie?

14

Dear god, I hope you’re referring to his beard!

15

What a shitty episode. They’re just retconning inconsequential stuff into the storyline, and it’s not even INTERESTING inconsequential stuff. Noah and some random blonde chick we haven’t even seen before, which didn’t even go anywhere? Who the fuck cares?

And for the love of Chrono Trigger, Hiro is in full control of his time & space this episode. This means that Hiro is an absolute moron for not using one of the billion ways he has at his disposal to resolve the Charlie situation. How about taking Charlie to a place/time where there’s a Healer? Or how about going back in time and knocking Sam upside the head, preventing him from kidnapping? Or going back to when they kidnapped Charlie and saving her? Or before they kidnapped Charlie and just warping to Japan or something?

If the writers want to keep on going with their stupid plots, at least have the courtesy to stop giving characters the powers of God. I thought they’d learned their lesson when they turned Peter into a one-power wonder, à la Kirby.

16

Made me a little crazy trying to remember where I’d seen the actress playing Lauren before. Can’t believe it was so hard–she was an ADA on Law & Order for 85 episodes.

These writers are definitely not good enough to mess with time travel. Damn few writers are.

What’s going to happen to past-Hiro when he makes it up to the point where he went back and the other waitress tells him that Charlie’s all healed, but left with another version of him? Talk about selfish–Hiro just callously made himself unhappy when a little thoughtfulness (leaving a note, waiting for past-Hiro’s return before running off, giving Ando a message to pass on, whatever) could have averted it.

17

*Our lad Hiro, squooshy of brain and lonely of heart, was last seen wandering the halls of Mercy-Me Hospital playing Yoda to Emma’s visually interpretative Luke. Instead of ending his days by curling up under a blanket and becoming one with the Force, Hiro shuffles down the hospital hallway and into Midland, Tx, circa October 2006.Yeah, three years ago, when everyone’s powers were new, shiny, and completely unreliable; when Sylar was a faceless killing machine with fairly rigid household cleanliness standards; when Isaac was strung out on smack and painting massacres, apocalypses, and boys kissing girls in the rain; when Noah was just the name of some crazy boat builder from Ararat and Nathan Petrelli had to actually get himself elected to Congress. And when a hash slinging redhead with a memory like Rainman’s stole our Hiro’s heart, then died rather abruptly while fixing a plate of fruit salad.

Hiro, be-gowned, barefoot, and back in the days when the only English word he knew was ‘waffles’:* I’m back, there’s Charlie, I can make everything right with her before I die! Woohoo!
Lynette the lifer waitress: Nice butt, Hiro. Don’t we pay you enough for pants?
Hiro: Oops, better go steal some rural dude’s clothes again. Clothesline, ahoy! (Hiro, for someone who inadvertently travels through time and space, you should see about getting a backpack-pack a t shirt, some gold coins, carry some toothpaste. You never know when you’re going to get knocked into the 14th century, or Botswana again)
Kid: Bad man stealing Daddy’s pants, stop that!
Hiro: I’m not a billian, little boy-let’s go to the Burnt Toast Diner, and I’ll tell you and the 23 people who are watching now but weren’t 3 years ago about my Charlie, my one true love-
Kid: Sure. I live to enable your recap, let’s go…
Hiro, moseying over to the diner with the kid: Bla bla true love, bla bla horrible man kills her, bla bla make everything right, bla bla white hat hero stuff looks through the window See? That’s my Charlie!
Sylar: Hey guys, can you let me through?
Kid: Black hat!
Hiro: Billian! Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?
And he lets him in! The man who has just traveled through space and time to fuck with the time-line so hard it’ll still be having babies five years from now lets the man who killed the woman he loved into the murder scene. Dude, you should have found that sword before you left and filleted the brain man right at the pie counter. Sure, you’d horrify the kid, who’d probably grow up to be a serial killer himself from the trauma of seeing a guy vivisected while he ate his pie, but its for the woman you love! Grow a pair, dammit. Meanwhile, over by the cigarette machine…

Noah, on the phone: Yeah, yeah Sandra, I suck as a dad, missing my kids’ homecoming, buy bread, middle aged married guy crap, see you later, my fetching blonde coworker’s here.
Blondie-Hey Noah, lying to the missus again? Your guilt wrinkles are showing.
Noah: Well, that’s-not flattering. Thanks.
Lauren: That’s what friends are for. So, what’s happening that we had to go to a scuzzy cafe ten miles out of town to talk about?
Noah: I’m trying to catch a serial killer who’s after Claire
Lauren: Why would a serial killer be after your daughter?
Noah: Errrr, no reason. How are you?
Blondie: We’ve been meeting here for months now, this, my friend, is what’s called emotional cheating. I’m your work wife!
Noah. Don’t be ridiculous, it’s not cheating if everyone keeps their pants on. Besides, who else can we talk to about our covert grey-ops jobs? Our families? Mine thinks I travel to India to sell copier paper!
Lauren: Do you tell your wife that we meet like this? Friend?
Noah: Sure, I tell her. Right before her weekly Haitian-izing.
Lauren: It’s time we stepped this relationship up. Here’s a room key- if you’re interested
Noah: I just noticed, you have the same hair as my daughter
Lauren: Ewwww, give me the key back.
Sylar: Excuse me, can you let me through to the storeroom?

Back in the here and now, here being the carnival, and now, which the old MOTAS is running out of :
Lydia:How’s oxygen guy?
Samuel: Needing less and less of it, and probably none by tonight. We need a new MOTAS, we need Hiro
Lydia * flipping her hair off her back*: Damn it, here, doodle something. Look, found these neat new tops, they’re called halters. I can have a bare back without putting on a tittie show
Samuel: Halter tops? Did you-think I would approve of this?
Lydia: Too bad. Show’s starting; He’s in the past chasing a chick called Charlie, she’s dead. Noah’s there, Claire, Sylar-hey, cute hat, honey! How are you going to get to the past?
Samuel: Well, I guess it’s time to trade up, let’s push the old MOTAS right off his perch. Arnold, I need you to give me one last shove into the timestream. No, don’t worry, you’ll be fine.
Poof
Thanks buddy. Buddy? Shit. Can someone dig a hole for Arnold?

Charlie: Hi sugar, what can I get you? Hey, nice Sylar watch, that’s from the 1st world war, Russian, far out.
Sylar, flabbergasted to self: Oh my God. I’m come here to kill a woman and steal her power, and she turns out to be an antique watch geek too? If she has pie and waffles, the murder’s off, I’m marrying her.
Sylar: You like watches?
Charlie: Not really, I saw those in a book once, I just remember all kinds of stuff these days.
Sylar:* Shit, she’s not a watch nerd. Soooo close to being the perfect woman.* Got any waffles?
Charlie: Nope, pancakes
Sylar: No waffles? Well then, you’re gonna have to die. Neat ability, the remembering. I have an ability too-to see how things work, like that aneurysm in your brain? I see that. I can fix things too. Not that that’s going to be important, no real reason why I mentioned that.
Charlie: You’re freaking me out. Let me get you some fruit salad

Samuel: Are you sure you want to do this Hiro? Playing with the past is very dangerous.
Hiro: Hey, Butterfly Man, you said fixing stuff in the past was okay. Besides, this is my only chance to get some lovin’. Being the heir to a huge corporation hasn’t gotten me anywhere with the ladies.
Samuel: Okay, if you’re really sure. I’ll just go have a smoke or something. It’s legal to smoke in coffee shops this year, right? Hey, who’s that guy going into the storeroom?
Hiro: Hory crap!

Back at Primatech…
Noah: Isaac, you have to help me save my daughter. She’s the cheerleader who’s suppose to be murdered
Isaac: I’m having the weirdest deja vu…
Noah: Yeah, fine, here’s some smack; shoot up and paint me something, I’ll be in the coffee room
Lauren: OMG, I heard you talking to that detoxing guy, someone’s trying to murder Claire? Let me make it better…plants big Gretchen-y kiss on Noah
Noah: Okay, I’m gonna pull away from you now and keep my moral integrity as a good husband; but not so fast that I don’t enjoy having a nice smooch with a pretty hot agent
Lauren: Okay, so the sex is a bad idea, sorry. Let’s save your kid. 37 hours to homecoming, no problem. We’re made of time
Noah: So, we have you in the bullpen for any future Mistress of Space and Time issues that may arise? Is that what you’re saying?

Sylar: Hmm, a conundrum. If I kill Charlie now, will anyone bring me pancakes? Oh well, sometimes you have to suffer for your art-
Hiro:bloop, freeze: Now that I’ve stopped you from killing Charlie, what should I do with you, Brain Man? Take the meat cleaver to you and save the hundreds of people you were destined to kill? Oh, I know! I’ll mail you to Lubbock on a bus!
Samuel: Good boy Hiro, no murdering my future amnesiac minion.
Hiro: Where’s the fridge dolly?
Me: Where’s the wood chipper???
Samuel: Hiro, don’t forget about past you in the bathroom. He still has to go back six months in time to make Charlie fall in love with you.
Hiro, sticks head in men’s room Did you hear that, me?
2006 Hiro: I’m on it !Bloop. Then bloops back Okay, she loves us now, go for it!

Hiro:Charlie, let’s get out of town, travel the world, run away from everything
Charlie: yeahsureyoubetletsgotojapandand dsgnfs;|oisFGNH;\siofdgn;fklsng;sofgnsdf;g. Oh no! I think I just blew that leaky valve in my brain.
Hiro: I just had a wonderful, awful idea…back in a minute. Stop that bus!

Sylar: Did you just try to ship me somewhere parcel post?* sliiiiiiiice*
Hiro: Missed me, you sliced up that cheerleader instead. Well, that poster of a cheerleader. Is that foreshadowing, or did we just kinda preserve temporal continuity?
Sylar: Hey, you’re the time lord, don’t ask me
Hiro: I knew there was a reason I didn’t put you in the shredder. Can you heal my girlfriend’s brain?
Sylar: What’s in it for me?
Hiro: I am the master of space and time, and I can tell you what happens to you in your future
Sylar: Or, I just kill you, take your ability, and see my future myself; and kill your girlfriend,take her ability, and pick up a few languages before the weekend
Hiro: But my way, you get to work on your non invasive surgery skills
Sylar: And after we’re done, maybe she’ll get me my damn pancakes! We’re on, tumor boy!

Hiro: Charlie, let this strange drifter cure your aneurysm. He’s a doctor!
Sylar: I’m a doctor…
Charlie: I dunno, he looks like a mechanic
Sylar: Actually, I am more a mechanic than a doctor, but I’m trying to expand my skillset. Can’t be that much harder than fixing watches, could it?
Charlie: Hiro!!!
Hiro: Hold still, look at me, It’ll be ok. Let me tell you about a man called Kenzei…
Sylar: I’m squishing your head!!! pop!
Charlie: Hey,that felt great, do you do shoulder rubs too?
Sylar: So, anyone else here require some brain surgery?
Hiro: Nope, can’t think of anyone, but thanks for asking
Sylar: I did my part, now I want something from you both- Red? Pancakes. Pikachu, you tell me my future, or I’m unplugging her brain bleed again
Hiro: Pikachu!? Grrrrrrrrr. Oh, all right-you kill many people, take many powers. Then you die, alone, horribly, because everybody joins together to kill you. No one will mourn you miss you or care you’re dead. Which is really your fault, since you end up murdering anyone who ever loves you. Speaking of which, did you ever meet your birth dad? How about Mohinder and Peter? You guys can get together and compare Daddy issues! Anyhow, all the good heroes join to defeat you, and we triumph…

……then a cockroach drags you into the sewer.

Sylar: See my face? This is my 'you got to be shitting me, that’s all you got? ’ face. Actually, now I feel kinda sad. This is my ‘I’m kinda sad and conflicted’ face.
Hiro: I just can’t believe you’re buying this detail-light story of your demise. Well, it’s up to you to choose your destiny. Let’s drop you off by the cheerleader practice. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do! Bloop
Sylar: Wow, that was amazing. Maybe I want to reconsider how I live my life?

Naw, fuck love, I want the powers. Which way to the homecoming game?
Hiro: Charlie should have told him to order the waffles. Pancakes are the food of the Dark Side

Lauren: Welcome to my sleazy hotel room. Wanna drink?
Noah: I’m not going to sleep with you, job romances are pathetic
Lauren: This is more than an office romance. No, it’s an office romance. But at least we aren’t screwing in the sample room!
Noah:I know, but I love my family more. I’ll sit very close to you on this hotel bed and tell you that your emotional vulnerability has brought my love for my family in focus. Thanks for letting me break your heart in aid of my emotional health. Can I use you some more to save my kid?
Lauren: Sure, my needs are irrelevant, my desires not worthy of consideration
Noah: I’m seeing bunnies being boiled in the near future; I have to say, I’m not entirely comfortable with this.
Lauren: I’ll meet you back at the office
Back at the office
Noah: Hey, Lauren, about us in that hotel room…
Lauren: Wut? Hey, someone left this letter for you
Noah, reading: I had the Haitian wipe out my romantic interest in you. You know, you could have had an affair with me, and I would have retained no memory of it afterwards. Aren’t you sorry you didn’t sleep with me now?
Noah: Damn, damn damn!

Charlie: I’m not suppose to be alive, and instead that bad man going to kill a lot of people. Don’t they matter too, Hiro?
Hiro: Pttttthhhht, hell no.
Charlie:I don’t think I want to be with you anymore, Hiro.
Hiro: Hey, Sylar, come back! I’ll hold her still for you again! * Charlie runs off. Then Charlie runs back*
Charlie: I’m sorry, you must think I’m a bag. Let’s run off somewhere
Hiro: I love you-

Hiro: This is going to end horribly, isn’t it?
Charlie: See you outside!
Hiro: No, stop! It’s going to end horribly!

Samuel *whose hair somehow got better over the course of the evening: * I’ve taken your girlfriend, she’s at my carnival, you have to come with me to find her. Now would be a good time a time as any.
Bloop
Hiro: Where is she? Charlie!? Hey, she dropped her nametag…
Samuel:I stuck your girlfriend somewhere in time and if you don’t become my time and space manipulating minion, I’ll leave her there. Just to be clear: ‘somewhere in time’ is not anywhere fun. She’s not enjoying the delights of Paris in the 1920’s, let’s just put it that way.
Hiro: Evil butterfly, I concede. You have triumphed over me. Jerkypants. I will do as you ask
Sanuel: I got you over a barrel, so now we’re going time riding, buster
Hiro:To when?
Samuel: 8 weeks ago, I did something horrible- I killed a man…
*We see Mohinder, lying very deadlike on a crappy hotel room floor somewhere, with a surprisingly guilt-ridden Samuel watching over him *
……by attacking him with burnt marshmallows. That’s when I started spontaneously narrating stuff…Hiro, you have to take me back, you have to make it stop!
*Me: Nooooooooooooooooooooo! Well, Mohinder may be dead, but he’s still pretty. Just like Buffy was. And she got better! C’mon Hiro, you can do it!

(Hey, where was carny Sygabthan anyhow? Blooped out of that particular time eddy? Teaching watch repair to boy scouts and/or no-scalpel brain surgery to med students at ole Arlington U now? Hmmmm…)*

Next time:Peter’s turning into an oxygen man himself, Mattlar’s dressed like a prisoner and killing old men with tire irons, (really, you have a gun, a badge and probably a decent credit rating and that’s how you use your time?) and evil sorority girl gets her vengeance on. This from the chick who got her invisible ass beaten by a girl nailed to a wall. Good luck with that vengeance, sweetie.

A couple of things: 

-Noah, reciting a Shakespearean verse about a man declaring his love for a woman, to his daughter who looks like a younger version of his work girlfriend?- 7.5 on the creepymeter. 
-Sylar doesn't usually show any signs of sexual interest in anyone when he's got his powers and is on a murder bender; but did he give Lynette's butt a lingering gaze as she left the store room? That boy's just full of odd surprises. Noah doesn't have to worry about Sylar and Claire, he should worry about Sylar and Sandra! (creepymeter: maybe a 7):D
18

Don’t be silly, Sylar’s not gay. Yet.

I was referring to his unshaven facial hair.

19

I’m just going to pretend this whole mess of an episode never happened. Well, everything except the last five minutes. Can’t really ignore it all now that Hiro’s going to whine about Charlie for the rest of the bloody season. Sigh.

20

So, I fell asleep during this one…not a good sign. I dozed off just as Hiro was putting Sylar in a bus, and kept drifting in and out. Every time I kinda focused on the show, it just seemed stranger and stranger.

I asked my husband/daughter what happened, and when they told me what happened, it didn’t seem to make any more sense.

I really, really hope this crap of an episode doesn’t mean its starting it’s standard mid-season slide toward rottenness.