See post 85. Just because our government decided in the 1930’s that domestic light beer would be popular for the next two centuries, doesn’t mean there are H-Ms here that refuse to buy said domestic light beers.
Umm, kelly5078… if they like it sweet? Is there something you need to tell us? Perhaps you should join the OP in this thread? That’s strike two buddy!
I think the “don’t touch other men” rule has that covered. Of course, the “never turn down sex” rule presents some conflicts.
How about “hetero men shall not have sex with other men unless they are either drunk or pretending to be drunk”?
Post #85 is about Canadians. I’m not really following you here. Do Canadians really say “shite?” I thought that was a Britishism.
And yes, I agre that light beer is an egregious affront to H-Ms around the world.
(Currently on my fifth Natty Ice, which is why I had to edit my last two posts.)
That’s why I qualified the above statement with (marginally acceptable), lets say your’e at a “family steakhouse” that doesn’t permit rare or blue for “health reasons” (Longhorn Steakhouse i’m looking at you), the only marginal choice (short of leaving and going to a real resturant) is Medium Rare
and no way in Hades will I ever order BTSOOI, Blue or Rare for me, thanks
See, anytime someone gets snooty about food or drink, I tend to doubt their H-M status. 
I like my cheap-ass steaks (and I only eat cheap-ass steaks) medium-well.
I think we need a referendum on this.
Hetero Man barbecues, and pulled pork is the result of barbeque done right. No way you are saying that HM can’t barbecue.
I will allow this might possibly be a north/south H-M variations, but northern H-M in the South should abide by South H-M customs and get himself some barbecue.
Hetero Man should have at least 1 dozen of expensive pieces of sporting equipment in his home. Bonus points for each one he can actually use well. Cheap, discount equipment does not count. If H-M is going to go bowling even once, he needs the $150 ball and $75 shoes, to augment H-M’s natural athletic ability.
Try walking into a Canadian bar full of Canadian H-Ms and saying that. One of them will undoubtedly invite you (politely, as is the Canadian way) to step outside. He will even (politely, of course) hold the door for you and allow you to exit first.
…whereupon he will pull the door shut and lock it, leaving him inside and you to freeze your ass off in minus-40 temps.
See the International Variants rule mentioned above. Canadian H-Ms work with the harsh Canadian weather, not in spite of it.
As mentioned by BMalion over here, Hetero Man doesn’t let little things like heart attacks keep him from finishing his shift.
Egg Pie, dammit. It’s an egg pie! A man likes eggs. A man likes pie. Hell a man likes little crunchy hunks o’ bacon. Put 'em all together and you got an Egg Pie!
Also, Canadians are plenty heterosexual. Even if they just live in a house outside Hamilton.
No tights, though.
Yeah? Come up here and say that, where it’s minus 15 on the real scale and I was trying to decide whether it was finally cold enough to put on my real winter boots (Sorels, for the uninitiated). I didn’t.
Besides, we make most of your cars.
And kelly5078, teapots are perfectly acceptable to us English-derived Canadian Hetero Men. After all, our ancestors didn’t conquer India and hold it with a force of only 33,000 men for nothing.
The teapot must be in the proper condition, though: blackly stained and scaled on the inside, so that each new brewing of tea partakes of the thousand before. It goes well with the steak and kidney pie. Now there’s a manly dish.
Or broken hands.
Definitely North/South H-M variations. I had no idea what a brat was until a class mate grilled some at a party. Definitely H-M food, but not somethng you see much in the South. If they won’t bogart the brats, we’ll share BBQ with em.
Redemption! I am a Hetero Man!
Growing up on the Mason Dixon line, I got both brats and pulled pork. Both are inarguably Hetero Man food.
Hetero Man does not shave unless a) it’s required for work or b) it’s required for sex. In either case, Hetero Man shaves his face, and nothing more.
What if it’s required for really, really good sex?
A motion has been presented to the floor:
“Allowances will be made for geographic variations. Foodstuff allowed by H-M’s in one geographic area are acceptable to H-M’s in other geographic areas. Except French food, unless that particular food is commonly referred to as ‘fries’.”
Is there a second, or should this be debated further?
Seconded, and Move to accept by acclamation.
Thank you. Now I just wish I could find some good, true BBQ up here. Note to self: Vacation south this year.
The South may have the BBQ (hell, idiots here in Pennsylvania actually call Sloppy Joes “barbecue”!), but the Northeast has the Buffalo Wings.
As someone who was born in the Northeast, but lived eight years in the South and then came home, I’m going to have to side with the Southerners on this one.
Given that today is Robbie Burns Night, I must point out the ultimate H-M food: Haggis! Chopped up heart, lungs and liver, rolled with oats, and tidily packaged up in a sheep’s stomach to be boiled for several hours.
Sunspace, steak and kidney pie is definitely in the running, but I think you have to concede this point.
And yes, “shite”, pronounced with an appropriate tone of derision, certainly counts as a H-M word.
Heavy, heavy sigh. My husband is really embracing this rule with gusto.
Oh yeah. If I’m lucky, it’ll only be one. But still likely to be followed with a Simpsons scene.