Oh, it’s on now. You’ve never had Steen’s, have you? This ain’t no Sweet n Low. On the rigs, they use this stuff as a wart remover, and a high density drilling mud.
Now you run along back to the front of the store and sell some more of those turquoise dining room suites and those nice Georgia O’Keefe prints.
This justifies a lot.
Miller or Bud being are the ultimate H-M beer? Please. :rolleyes: For primal manliness, nothing beats Guinness. A beer so thick it’s opaque.
My coffee maker is made by Black & Decker. Certainly you’re not going to argue that a Black & Decker product is not hetero?
As for Starbucks, the more syllables you need to use to name the drink, the less hetero the drink is. A hetero man can get by if he just walks up to the counter and grunts “small coffee.” If you order a “vente mocha latte with cinnamon, and leave room for cream,” you might as well go to Macy’s and buy a purse that matches your shoes.
Damn straight. That’s the fiber in my diet.
Definitely hetero. A used oil filter and a Bernz-O-Matic torch would be the ideal, of course.
So, umm, this is the newly reincarned “Guy Stuff” thread, right?
(The original seems to be a casualty of the pruning process, so I guess that’s appropriate)
When purchasing an item thats says: “Some assembly required” No man shall read the directions or diagrams on how to put the damn thing together.
And, as long as the item serves it’s function: Any left over parts are bonus points.
Any leftover parts are saved because they’ll come in handy someday for something else. Don’t know when, and don’t know what, but the H-M doesn’t throw them out.
OK, Canadians. So you’ve got arctic cold and car plants and properly plebeian beer and a bone-crushing national pastime. I give you all that. But you still have a lot to answer for.
Says a citizen of the only nation whose army hit the beaches of Normandy on bicycles. BICYCLES, fercryin out loud. There are damn few places where sporting goods are inappropriate, but brother, did you find one. I wonder how many of you never made it to shore because the curling stones in your packs weighed you down.
Men don’t eat kidneys. Kidneys are for punching.
Hetero Male needs not putting 6-pack in fridge because he’ll finish it before it gets warm.
Hetero Male has to drink at least 8-10 beers before he begins to start to feel just a little dizzy.
Up to 12-15 beers depending on weight/age, Hetero Male is still perfectly able to drive his car.
And find his way without asking directions from anyone.
Anything you have caught/killed yourself can be prepared in any way and still be manly. Even the girliest food is manly if it was made with a wild animal you have killed and butchered yourself. Ditto with any fish you have caught yourself. Sharks and anything else that is just as capable of killing you as you are of killing it is manly.
Rule 666, sports that a hetero man is allowed to watch:
Football
Basketball
Baseball
Hockey
Boxing
All forms of racing - cars turning left, down hill skiing, bob sleding, skeleton, etc. (basically anything where someone can get killed)
Rugby
Sports specifically outlawed:
Any non-hockey type of skating
Badmiton
Ping Pong (Table tennis is a ruse to make it seem HM)
Synchronized swimming
Then use it as a wart remover. Don’t get it near my coffee.
Ok, strike one for me, living in the 2nd most openly gay city in the US. But getting paid to go to grad school for explosives cancels that one out. Let’s call it a foul ball.
Golf
Women’s Volleyball
Women’s Tennis
Fishing / Hunting
Soccer (which, to some, is covered under Football)
UFC and other mixed martial arts
Men’s Volleyball
Men’s Tennis
Jury is out on Cricket.
Buncha damn pansies around here. Let me clarify the beer rules for you ladies -
Knowing Germany’s beer purity laws is cool.
Knowing how to tap a Guinness is cool
Knowing the best beer from every country in the world is cool
Having the proper glassware for beer is cool
Drinking beer from other manly countries (Canadia counts, because they brought us Bob and Doug McKenzie) is cool
Bitching about what’s offered, declining a beer because you only drink “good” beer, lecturing someone on what beer they should be drinking or etc. is all girlie. What would you do if you went in a bar that had a choice of Bud, Miller, and Coors/Molson? Would you then order a wine spritzer, or would you suck it up and have a beer like a man?
It’s ok to sit around bitching about Bud until the rubber hits the road and the game’s about to start.
Coffee. Either black or with way too much sugar. I’ve seen big burley fella’s pour a freakish amount of sugar into their coffee.
Bourbon. Neat.
And on a similar note:
Any cocktail you order from a bartender should be obvious in its construstion. Example: Scotch rocks. If you like something with Angostura Bitters, that’s fine. Save it for when you can make it yourself. If you want to monoplize the barmaid’s attention, ask her to marry you.
Oh. That explains it.
Y’all are making me hot.
Ever seen a bicycle racer up close? Those guys are built.
Kidneys are in the same food sector as liver, tripe, chitlins, haggis, headcheese, eyeballs, monkey brains, and Vegemite. Hence, manly. I’m surprised I have to remind you of this.
Would that be our official national sport, lacrosse, or our unofficial national sport, hockey (no H-M calls it “ice hockey” - it’s hockey)? Not that they aren’t both bone-crushing - in hockey you’ve got the high-speed grinding along the boards, but in lacrosse, no one falls down in the fights until they’re knocked out.
(Hey, Sunspace - I’m not a guy, but I’m pretty sure that H-Ms aren’t allowed to talk about how built other guys are. 
)
Another one:
Hetero Men are perfectly happy living in chaos, like “bears with furniture”, but if they choose to tidy the house, they are unafraid to admit it. Insecurity is unmanly.
Ideally, they choose large, loud, and dangerous equipment to perform the task, as usual.
Sure, the Canadians had bicycles on D-Day. And they were led by guys wearing kilts and playing bagpipes. But in spite of that–and this is the important thing–they accomplished their objective that day. And on following days. No wimping out, no retreating, no giving up.
All the Canadians who participated in that invasion were true H-Ms. I’ll raise a glass to them any time. And I’ll raise another for the Americans and the British participants too. They all deserve it.