[QUOTE=Spoons]
Sure, the Canadians had bicycles on D-Day. And they were led by guys wearing kilts and playing bagpipes. But in spite of that–and this is the important thing–they accomplished their objective that day. And on following days. No wimping out, no retreating, no giving up.
All the Canadians who participated in that invasion were true H-Ms. I’ll raise a glass to them any time. And I’ll raise another for the Americans and the British participants too. They all deserve it.
[/QUOTE]
Which reminds me of another place where it’s acceptable to moisten up, though you’re not meant to show it: any historic battlefield, like the Normandy beaches, Vimy Ridge, and so on.
Now that is some manly shit. Maybe a little too British-sounding, but manly nonetheless.
Clarifications:
The degree of technological sopistication has to be factored in. It’s fine to be solemn at any historical battlefield, but don’t you tear up at, say, Crecy or Hastings. That’s all history-majorish.
Extra points for battles which were completely pointless/disastrous: Verdun, the Somme, Balaclava, Gallipoli.
[QUOTE=kelly5078]
Adjustment through the pocket, which you think is surreptitious, but is really obvious from a football field [H-M standard measurement unit] away, is acceptable in work situations.
[/QUOTE]
Not a hetero-man, but as a high school teacher, I see how proto-hetero-men socialize each other, and this is what I have seen:
987.1 Never give away a victory, or throw a competitive situation.
987.2 The weakest, youngest, and least likely competitor to win in a given situation has to talk the most smack.
987.3 It is acceptable and even expected for stronger competitors to work together to make sure the weaker, younger, and least likely competitor does not win.
987.4 It is never acceptable to decimate the least likely competitor to the point that he is humiliated.
987.5 The strongest competitor is responsible for determining where the line between “soundly defeating” and “humiliating” lies and other competitors will follow his lead.
[QUOTE=Bobotheoptimist]
Buncha damn pansies around here. Let me clarify the beer rules for you ladies -
Knowing Germany’s beer purity laws is cool.
Knowing how to tap a Guinness is cool
Knowing the best beer from every country in the world is cool
Having the proper glassware for beer is cool
Drinking beer from other manly countries (Canadia counts, because they brought us Bob and Doug McKenzie) is cool
Bitching about what’s offered, declining a beer because you only drink “good” beer, lecturing someone on what beer they should be drinking or etc. is all girlie. What would you do if you went in a bar that had a choice of Bud, Miller, and Coors/Molson? Would you then order a wine spritzer, or would you suck it up and have a beer like a man?
It’s ok to sit around bitching about Bud until the rubber hits the road and the game’s about to start.
[/QUOTE]
Dude, seriously, by those rules, I’m H-M. Actually, I abide by about 75% of the rules in this thread (tits don’t thrill me & I pee sitting down) – so who is gonna volunteer to tell my husband that I’m a macho kinda guy?
And what have I told you about insulting Pansies? Hmmm?
[QUOTE=MadPansy64]
Dude, seriously, by those rules, I’m H-M. Actually, I abide by about 75% of the rules in this thread (tits don’t thrill me & I pee sitting down) – so who is gonna volunteer to tell my husband that I’m a macho kinda guy?
And what have I told you about insulting Pansies? Hmmm?
[/QUOTE]
Reminds me of rule 38 subsection DD. Which states:
Also, Rule 924, all true H-M’s wil have said at one point in their lives, “Keep you sister out of my yard…”
[QUOTE=kelly5078]
Extra points for battles which were completely pointless/disastrous: Verdun, the Somme, Balaclava, Gallipoli.
[/QUOTE]
Don’t forget Dieppe. At least one Canadian was awarded the Victoria Cross that day. You don’t get those for being anything but a Hetero Male.
Duke, Clint, Sly, etc., pretty much get a free pass. Avoid the pics Duke made on the eve of WWII, though. The only pre-WWII movies an H-M will watch are 3 Stooges shorts and The Maltese Falcon. Movies, and men, have gotten progressively manlier ever since WWII, except for that blip in the mid-to-late '70s which we won’t talk about. Thank god we had the Rocky, Dirty Harry, and Death Wish franchises to get us through.
Be careful with movies starring Jimmy Stewart. Often there’s a fine line indeed. For example, The Stratton Story and The Glenn Miller Story are more or less the same picture (except Miller doesn’t lose an arm playing the trombone). But The Stratton Story is about baseball; there’s your pick. Once again, avoid anything pre-WWII, or anything in which Stewart is not attired in military or cowboy outfit.
Likewise William Holden, who racked up some manly roles in Stalag 17 and Network, but otherwise had a tendency to wear overly elegant sport coats and give eloquent, impassioned speeches. Sure, he played a bad boy in Picnic, but otherwise it’s a girly picture. (The fact that the girly in question is Kim Novak doesn’t mitigate matters much.)
Finally, if Judy Garland or Liza Minnelli appears at all in a picture, it is not for you. Head for the garage. I don’t care if it’s 18° below out there.
[QUOTE=Sgt Schwartz]
Also, Rule 924, all true H-M’s wil have said at one point in their lives, “Keep you sister out of my yard…”
[/QUOTE]
Damn. I thought I was such a girly girl.
Perhaps Rule 924 needs a subsection stating “does not apply if the sister was under 5, and/or in the yard to pick ‘some pretty flowers.’” You got me on Ms. Getty’s knockers, though.
Up to 12-15 beers depending on weight/age, Hetero Male is still perfectly able to drive his car.
[/QUOTE]
Vetoed. Too much chance of injuring an innocent party. Back when I was in private practice, I considered trying to obtain 1-800-Dumbass as an office number and running DUI defense ads.
And yes, I know that depending on how long it took to drink those beers and other factors, it might be a winnable case, but still…no man law on that one.
[QUOTE=Oakminster]
Vetoed. Too much chance of injuring an innocent party. Back when I was in private practice, I considered trying to obtain 1-800-Dumbass as an office number and running DUI defense ads.
And yes, I know that depending on how long it took to drink those beers and other factors, it might be a winnable case, but still…no man law on that one.
[/QUOTE]
Seconded. Hetero-Man sets a good example to the wannabes and passes out where he is, sleeping off the drunk in the middle of the floor.
[QUOTE=betenoir]
What all this talk about pisswater beer being more manly? Real men drink real ale. As my SO campained for. Now admitedly he’s…well there’s no delicatly way to put this…English. And an acountent. But he’s aslo a Captian of Industry and a guy who does two chicks at one night (I know, I was one of them). So even if he’s pale and weedy I think he still counts.
And he wouldn’t be caught dead drinking Bud. Good beer or a stiff burbon.
[/QUOTE]
Possilutely betenoir, Why drink swill?Enjoy the best ,and if your broke call in a favor!A real man can scratch his balls in public ,as long as he doesn’t drop his eyes,moan ,or switch beer hands!
[QUOTE=MadPansy64]
Dude, seriously, by those rules, I’m H-M. Actually, I abide by about 75% of the rules in this thread (tits don’t thrill me & I pee sitting down) – so who is gonna volunteer to tell my husband that I’m a macho kinda guy?
And what have I told you about insulting Pansies? Hmmm?
[/QUOTE]
If your giant freakin’ Marine hasn’t figured it out by now, don’t drag me into it.
I’m going out on a limb here and guessing that you (and some other ladies and maybe even non-hetero men) disregard the prime directive - Don’t touch other dudes in a non-violent manner. So, although MadPansy64 can outshoot and outdrink me, admitting to sleeping with men is an instant disqualification.
Sorry, but I don’t make the rules.
she’s also my big sister, so anyone considering giving shit about this should recall the big-sister corollary to the tom-boy theorem.
Maps are cool, but only under the correct circumstances. If a woman is driving and you are directing her on which way to go, just drive, fer chrissakes.
All maps should be carefully studied and comitted to memory prior to the trip. Tacked to the wall is a good place to keep most maps for study in your free time.
There are exceptions to this rule when adventuring in remote locations (hiking, camping in remote areas, hunting, etc.) , but it must be accompanied with a compass.
Some mumbled observations on the thread so far – I’m lobotomized on cheap-ass scotch, as usual this time on a Friday.
1. Post #22 and no pink. Hm. This would eliminate Elvis (shirts) and Jack Johnson (Caddies). Prob’ly the two guys respectively who got laid more (exhibit A) than everybody in this thread combined, and who could beat the ass off everybody (exhibit B) in this thread combined. Ergo, pink – utilized properly – can be manly, Q.E. motherfuckin’ D.
2.The thread is sloppin’ about a bit – Manly Men or Hetero Men? My little brother, for example, is gay as an Easter bonnet – and definitely the dude to call when something needs tool-twiddling (so to speak). He got the Cro-Magnon genes. Someone who regularly, gently, politely helps 350 lb. old ladies to the johnnie (he’s a male nurse) may not be a lad to fuck with. Granted, he’s ineligible according to the strict application of the O.P. But unmanly? (Admittedly, he blenched as white as buttermilk on first sight of Trathena and my proposed R. Crumb/Marge Piercy neon color wedding invites. Visions of spiral stairs and ice sculptures gone instanter.)
3. Bob the Optimist is right on target re: grain beverages. Drink what you’re given and quitcherbitchen. I’m not going to be impressed if you want your flaming Everclear with a maraschino impaled with a paper umbrella, but I’ll serve it if I got it and you ask for it (ugh!)
And the worst beer I ever had in my country trash life was while stationed in Germany – canned EKU at Ronnie Mac’s and “festbier” by the quart mass at Oktoberfest. Mind, so was some of the best beer I’ve ever had. Lots of different flavors of German beer, and lots of quality levels. American lager is all vanilla – but there’s also quality levels. If you’d rather have EKU in the can than cold Michelob in the bottle, I’ll consider you a college-boy poser (perhaps even a grunge musician!) and hence unmanly. Unless, of course, it’s cheaper.
[QUOTE=DJ Motorbike]
Maps are cool, but only under the correct circumstances. If a woman is driving and you are directing her on which way to go, just drive, fer chrissakes.
All maps should be carefully studied and comitted to memory prior to the trip. Tacked to the wall is a good place to keep most maps for study in your free time.
There are exceptions to this rule when adventuring in remote locations (hiking, camping in remote areas, hunting, etc.) , but it must be accompanied with a compass.
[/QUOTE]
You can never have too many maps on your wall. You may never get a chance to sail to the Hebrides, but if you do, no way are stopping to ask directions.
[QUOTE=kelly5078]
WTF??? You’re describing my wife’s knives. My wife’s don’t-put-them-in-the-dishwasher-or-you’ll-ruin-them knives. Screw that.
[/QUOTE]
I don’t put my Snap-On tools in the dishwasher either. Are you say that they are not manly? :dubious:
You don’t ruin a fine tool by putting it in the dishwasher.
