I was hoping we could have a little fun with this. I’m not really after purely serious answers, although they are welcome too.
There’s a guy at work who always calls me baby. What is the best way to point out that I do not like this, and don’t want him to do it anymore?
This afternoon, he called me baby and I said (straightfaced) “Don’t call me baby” and he said “Ok sweetie” and I said “Don’t call me sweetie” and he said “Ok darling” and walked away. Obviously, he’s not going to take me seriously if I’m straightforward but polite… so what is a good way to get the message across?
Just so the situation is clear, there are actually three guys who call me baby. Two of them don’t bother me - we’re friends, and it’s not done to demean me. I know they like and respect me, and I like and respect them too. This third guy… he’s newer than me, and always needs my help. When he calls me baby, it’s different. I feel he is taking liberties, as I don’t feel that we have that kind of working relationship. I also don’t feel that he has the same respect for me that the others do, and that makes it creepy rather than jokesy.
Does this guy have a wife/girlfriend/other type of significant other? Do you ever see them together (does s/he visit him, or meet him after work, or some such)?
If so… find an excuse to talk to him while his SO is present, and call him “baby”.
I imagine he’ll be much more open to reasonable argument… after he’s finished explaining that one to his SO.
If your relationship with the other two guys is good enough that you can do this, you might want to ask them not to call you baby and explain why. Then, when the new guy calls you baby one of them can say “hey, we don’t call her things like that anymore, she dosen’t like them.”
As creepy asit makes oyu feel, I think there is a good chance that he is mostly trying to find a shortcut into being “one of the gang”, and part of what he sees the gang do is call you endearments.
There’s a man in my office who used to call me “honey”. It was said in a condescending manner and really ticked me off. I asked him nicely not to call me that but, it didn’t stop. After I had heard it one time too many, everytime he’d start a sentence with “Hey, honey?”, I’d reply, “Yes, ugly?”. He got upset and offended and told me so. I told him if he continued to call me an offensive name that I would continue to call him one. He stopped calling me “honey”!
Steve Wright - at this point, I haven’t met his SO, and I’m not sure if/when I will. However, I will certainly keep your suggestion in mind
Manda JO - That’s very perceptive, I’m sure he is just trying to fit in. He calls the other lady by a nickname. One of the guys would stop if I asked him to, no problem. The older is an older, ethnic gentleman who wouldn’t understand what the problem was, and would probably be mildly offended as it’s his way of being friendly. I have considered saying to the new guy “(Older Ethnic Gentleman) doesn’t know any better, but you should, so stop it”, but that would make for a very short thread. Also, he didn’t seem to take me seriously today, so I’m not sure how effective that would be. I am thinking that I should get the two guys to call me by my nickname in front of him (my nn being Cazza!) and let him go with that…
ZeGirl, I’ve been thinking along the same lines as you! I don’t call him ugly… rather, I took his surname (Lobb) and nicknamed him Lobbo. It sounds stupid, and the others in the office laughed themselves silly when they heard it, but whenever he says “Baby”, I respond by calling him Lobbo. It’s only been a couple of days, and he hasn’t commented about it yet.
I think it’s entirely appropriate to tell him to knock it off, because the other guys who might call you by your nickname are your friends, and he hasn’t quite reached that level yet.
I had a coworker who used to call me honey or dear all the time, and it pissed me off to no end…he was extremely condescending about it. Finally I told him FIRMLY that no one but my father or my husband was allowed to call me those names, he was welcome to call me by my NAME. I think it scared him, because he avoided me after that, which worked out well for both of us. Heh.
One coworker of mine called me ‘Babe’ once. I kinda exploded at him. Basically told him - for starters, I find that kinda shit demeaning. Secondly, you don’t fucking know me well enough to call me anything cutsie. Thirdly, if you do it again, I’ll cut off your balls and make you eat em. Now, what were you saying?
Well, he never called me babe again.
I would probably recommend responding with ‘yes, asshole?’
You could go Peewee or Stubby. I think most men don’t like the insinuation. If he asks what you mean by it, tell him you think it takes a pretty small man to continue to address a woman in a way she doesn’t want to be addressed.
Look, sugar, take dis dude when he come in dissin’ you and slap him when he aint’t looking, grab his neck and ram him down on the desk face first… then hold him down there and whisper in his ear that you had an abusive boyfriend who looked just like him and that guy used to call you “baby” too, and you just don’t like anymore…
Then let him go and snap your fingers in the air and have them other to dudes come right around the bend and call you “baby” and walk right behind you as you walk away… well it shounds like fun at least…
As a woman he works in a predominately male field, I had to learn to respond to these type of males this way. I swear, (literally :)) they never let me work and they wouldn’t take me seriously. That is until I began being a royal bitch and I would respond to them with, “Hey, asshole” or “Hey Numbnutts, just shove it up your ass and die”.
The men who had thought it was “cute” soon learned that I was serious and I had no problems after that!
Trying to fit in or not, the “baby/sweetie/darling” thing sounds like he’s intentionally trying to belittle you. Finding something to call him that would aggravate him may help to change his thinking and behavior.
Another approach is based on his always needing your help. Make that help unavailable when you are spoken to in a demeaning way. If he wants to get your attention and calls you “Baby,” ignore it. If he calls you “Baby” while you’re in the middle of helping him do something, stop helping immediately and walk away if possible. Make it cost him something that means more to him than the adolescent thrill he gets from irritating you.
Trying to fit in or not, the “baby/sweetie/darling” thing sounds like he’s intentionally trying to belittle you. Finding something to call him that would aggravate him may help to change his thinking and behavior.
Another approach is based on his always needing your help. Make that help unavailable when you are spoken to in a demeaning way. If he wants to get your attention and calls you “Baby,” ignore it. If he calls you “Baby” while you’re in the middle of helping him do something, stop helping immediately and walk away if possible. Make it cost him something that means more to him than the adolescent thrill he gets from irritating you.
What ever happened to being polite and upfront about things? Why is it wrong to just go to him and say, “Look, I really would prefer if you used my name. Maybe you are just trying to fit in or whatever, but it makes me uncomfortable when you use ‘baby’ or ‘toots’. I know others call me ‘baby’, but I’ve known them longer and have a different relationship with them. Please, let’s keep a good working relationship here and deal with this like adults, okay? I’m just asking for a little respect. Thanks.”
No need to call him names or anything else. If he still doesn’t get it, then you move on to these other things.
If you do the SO thing, I think you are losing any chance of reporting him to management later on. To me, it would mean you are being playful like him.
I won’t be reporting him to management. We’re not that kind of office. Everyone else in the office is aware that he has taken to calling me baby, and that I’m not keen on it, and that’s as far as it’s going. This isn’t something that needs to be turned into a big deal, as I believe there must be a way to make him stop without invoking a complaint of sexual harrassment. If he tries to escalate this at all, either by trying to assert himself or by doing something inappropriate, everyone else in my workplace will come down on him. I won’t need to make an official complaint, as he will be firmly put in his place.
I mainly hoped for some lighthearted advice in this thread, which I have been getting. Your concern and advice is appreciated
