Nope, she smiled and politely declined.
I bring them every day to class. I love animal crackers.
Maybe I’ll ask her again. I dunno. Maybe “hi” might work best. Hmm…I’ll have to think on this one.
You know, if there was only some way the jocks in the class could pick on me and say I wouldn’t ever get a date to the big dance, I’d be in for sure. She’d feel sorry for me and she’d spend time after school teaching me to dance and eventually dump her jock boyfriend and go out with me because I’m quirky and spunky and she decides that looks don’t matter when you see into someone’s heart.
And then someone spills pigs blood on me at the big dance and it all goes downhill…
Actually, Ender, it’s real easy. Just rid yourself of that strangulating self-consciousness that ties up your tongue and makes you feel like an inarticulate dork every time you see an attractive female.
Oh, wait, I’m confusing you with myself. Excuse me.
A somewhat relevant anecdote: I went to Kinko’s today with my band to get flyers printed up for some gigs we’re doing. There’s a girl that works there that cranks my dials big time. I mean, a major hottie, IMO. Anyway, we somehow managed to totally jam up the Xerox machine we were using. And this girl came over, opened it up and unstuck it. The other guys in the band made conversation with her, but I couldn’t. She probably didn’t even notice me, but I was convinced the thought I was a dork. Really dumb. This might not be like you, Ender, but I’m finding that it’s common for a lot of guys.
People say confidence is attractive, and I don’t doubt it. It can just be hard to remember sometimes.
Yeah, that cute little circus train box with the string handle will have the dames drooling at your feet. If you’re chasing five year olds, that is! I’d set my sights a little higher if I were you (or face a serious stretch of substandard federal housing with federally sponsored substandard cohabitants).
However much you wish to criticize me for wanting to Taser married wankers at parties who hog face time with single women, at least I’m getting out and doing something about it. Like beatle and others said, you need a plan of action, and one that involves something more mature than animal crackers. For some reason most women have this bizarre attraction to maturity. Confidence is a good thing too. Pretend that she is the professor and you have to give a quick personal biography or something of the sort.
Better yet, do what I do. When you see an attractive woman that you’d like to meet, go right up to her and say this:
“Excuse me, I just wanted to make sure that someone has mentioned how beautiful you are today.”
This never once got me any sort of date. But I can tell you this, a lot of women have walked away glowing from such encounters and over the years I have lost any inhibitions about going right up to attractive women and beginning a conversation with them.
The Great One, Wayne Gretzgy once said, “You will miss 100% of the shots that you do not take.” As mentioned earlier, you have already given yourself "The Look"™, so what do you need to involve her in this sordid process for? Some, but probably not very many, women will find your geekish dorkiness endearing and loveable, but that’s not the way to bet.
Perseverence and intestinal fortitude are the orders of the day for you, laddy.
Keep the animal crackers, and keep them in the original box, complete with string!
Every looser in the world searches for his mark of distinction. Pretension is everywhere. You like animal crackers, and unabashedly carry the box around! Somewhere out there are girls who will appreciate the fundamental integrity of spirit that this demonstrates. Yeah, probably a few who will chuckle at you and loose interest. But you don’t want those, believe me. They have a list of stuff you have to own, and want, and be, and rules you have to follow, and a carload of crap you have to be responsible to remember.
The girl who looks at the box and says to herself “wow, he doesn’t need to be the same as everyone else,” is the one who is looking at you, not your accouterments. That is the girl you want to meet. If you have to hide your animal crackers, you have to be someone else.
Tris
“When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.” ~ Eric Hoffer ~
Actually, I don’t like the original animal crackers with the good ol’ box and string. They’re a bit soggy feeling to me. I like the Zoo Crackers because they taste like cardboard and so everyone else won’t steal my bags at home. I think Elven Crackers are the best, though, but I can’t find those in bulk.
You wanna hear wacked out nerd-o-rama? I seriously considered coming into class on the first day with a My Little Pony or Power Rangers trapper keeper. I thought it would have been so cool! Only one problem: they’re $10. Ten bucks for a folding plastic binder?!? A joke’s a joke, but I think I’ll find eternal happiness if I keep my money, thank you.
So that’s who I want to find. A girl out there that’s not afraid of a man who would bring a My Little Pony trapper keeper to class just to get a reaction from people. And who likes cardboard. And if she wears glasses, that’s like, a bonus and stuff.
[And I think the animal crakers are a wonderful thing. Though I tend to go for goldfish myself. But I do, indeed, have the little plastic goldfish shaped snapy-box thing. That goes with me to class. [It only gets me funny looks in the humanities building…]]
You can bring your animal crackers and My Little Pony Trapper over to my house, as long as you’ll put up with my doll Josefina throwing a kegger. (i didn’t start playing with dolls until I was 18… and then it’s just one doll. So she has…less doll like tastes and is corrupting my little sister’s dolls.)
Just be yourself and be comfy with yourself. You rock!
On a bit of a tangent (he wasn’t looking for a date), I recently saw a transit security guy sweep a woman off her feet.
I was on the Skytrain, and overheard a young woman pointing stuff out to her visiting parents, who were sitting across from her. We pulled into a station and the security guy got on, handed Mom a rose, and said “This is for you, for holding hands on the Skytrain.” (She had been holding Dad’s hand. :)) She kept blushing intermittently and sniffing the rose as long as I was there, and I’m sure she would have at least considered dumping Dad in favour of the guard, if only he had asked. Those little surprises work wonders.
Keep the animal crackers. Yum! But be careful offering them to her again. You might try “Are you sure you don’t want some animal crackers?” That way she knows you aren’t a complete space cadet, and heard her the first time. If she still doesn’t want animal crackers, ask her what sort of snacks she prefers. There you go, you have a topic of conversation.
However, you didn’t ask what you should say, but how you could start conversations with women. I find myself paralyzed by this as well, but here’s my best method for getting over it: Pretend you’re not you. You’re an actor in a movie and you’re playing the part of someone who has the confidence necessary to talk to any woman they want. If the woman says no, no big deal, it wasn’t you they rejected, but the part you were playing. I realize it’s ridiculous and illogical, but a paralytic fear of starting small talk isn’t exactly logical either. Just try to step outside yourself long enough to make the initial connection.
:wally