I’m a friggin’ Computer Science major at Drexel. There doesn’t seem to be any kind of math I can’t get a grasp on. And yet initiating conversation with a girl is like rocket science to me.
I made sure to get to class extra early today, to sit in the seat next to the one she usually sits in. Sure enough she sits down, only the second person into the class after me, and sits right next to me. I spent the next 20 minutes just thinking of what to say to break the ice and came up with nothing before class started. Absolutely nothing. Ideas that in my mind led nowhere. I would have said “Hi” but I have nothing to follow it up with.
I need something witty. I need something that will work. I just need something that won’t make me look like a doofus. All suggestions welcome. Thank you.
For heaven’s sake, you have this ready-made topic to hand! Offer to help her when she’s struggling or puzzled at something. Offer to be a project partner. Comment on a textbook she opens up. Anything. But do it within a few minutes of her sitting down, or right near the end of the class, so you don’t get caught in the “I haven’t spoken to her yet so I can’t start now” spiral.
BTW once you sit next to her two or three times she’ll be aware you’re interested. If she still sits there, she’s not uninterested.
You can play stupid. Ask her for help with something the teacher talked about. If the teacher does something weird you can even comment on that. Then ask about her major, her classes, where she lives, where she works… etc. If she is interested in you she will respond with more than a one word answer or she will sit next to you again for the next class.
Talking is easy, getting over the fear of hurting your pride is the hard part.
and unfortunately you will probably crash and burn a few times. Sitting around and stewing just makes it more likey for you to overanalyze it and gut your confidence.
Remember, women like sex too. Act like you have something to offer and its her loss if she dismisses you too easily.
You do have something to offer right :D.
No woman likes to think you had to torture yourself to find the nerve to ask her out, more the opposite, she would prefer to think you were driven to it by every firing nerve in your body.
The whole point of human conversations is that they naturally evolve; you are powerless to “steer” the conversation even if you want to. It’s improvisatory - just say, “Hey, what’s up?” and it will flow from there.
Yeah, they do. And when a guy they find sexually attractive talks to them they will be more than happy to engage in a little conversation.
And when a guy they aren’t attracted to starts talking they probably get a little creeped out and think “oh great here’s another guy who just wants to get in my pants.”
Soapbox Monkey, there’s a chance she might want to get into *your * pants. Think about it and enjoy!
As Askance pointed out, you’ve got a built in topic right there with the class. You could also try something related to computers in general. If that doesn’t work, try bringing up something in the news which interested you or which you think might interest her. If something interesting or unusual is happening on campus, try that.
What does she bring to class besides textbooks? While this is a little more obvious, commenting on something she brings does show you’re interested in her and aware of her.
One thing you might try is asking her to have a cup of coffee or some such to review or discuss something covered in class. It’s not a classical date, but it will give you a chance to be alone with her and get to know her better if she’s interested.
Good luck, lad. I know a guy who’s very shy and convinced he’s no good with women. I’ve been madly in love with him for over a year and a half now, and it’s mutual. You’ve little to lose and the world to gain. For all you know, your girl might be wondering how to start a conversation with you!
You are also being somewhat insulting to the girl, do you realize that? Not all girls are the female equivalent of horn-dogs. But if that’s your starting assumption, given the views on sex and relationships you’ve brought up in past threads, then you are starting with a contemptuous attitude of her in an effort to shield yourself from potential hurt (because if she isn’t interested in you, then she must be a women of lesser worth rather than simply not a good match for you). Bad, very bad.
You actually have a perfect excuse to start talking to her - the class you’re both taking! Talk about the subject, talk about the assignments, talk about the prof… just start talking. The conversation will go where it wants to go after that, with far more ease than you’d imagined, I expect.
If you’re that concerned you’re going to blow it with her, practice getting a conversation started with a girl you aren’t as interested in, so there’s not so much pressure. Or think about the girls with whom you are “just friends,” and act as if you’re chatting with them instead.
Something else occurred to me after I hit reply. According to you, you sat next to where she usually sits, and she saw you and chose to sit next to you anyway. That tells me she’s not repulsed or creeped out by you. Trust me, there’s no way I’d sit next to a guy who gave off creepy vibes if I had any say in the matter at all. Now, it may mean she hasn’t noticed you, but by now she has. If she continues to sit next to you, you have a chance.
If it were another guy would you have any trouble introducing yourself?
Just stick out your hand and say “Hi, I’m Soapy.”. If you want to go for some light humor, try adding something like, “We’ve gotta’ stop meeting like this.”, or “You come here often?”. She’s just a person, like you. If the conversation flows, good, if not, she could be nervous too, don’t project the future, or over analyze, just be friendly.
Your there to learn, not to meet women, keep that in mind, or you Will come off like a horn dog.
I’d say make first contact, and then worry about taking it from there.
Sit down, if she sits next to you, give her a pleasant “Hi.” But don’t make it into some lounge pick-up scene. It doesn’t need to go any further than “Hi,” but by all means, don’t just sit there like a mute statue.
If she smiles, makes eye contact, and responds to your “Hi,” a real easy follow-up is “Did you do/How did you find - last night’s reading/assignment?” “What do you think about this teacher.” And if it goes no further, no problem. You have broken the ice, and you know you will have plenty of opportunities to follow-up as long as the semester continues.
For a conversation starter before the first class of the week, it is hard to go wrong with “Did you have a nice weekend?”
Try introducing yourself. Hi, I’m Soapbox Monkey. Let conversation flow from there. Don’t act any differently than you would talking to a guy friend. Just play it cool.
Hide your copy of a class paper (homework assignment sheet, syllabus,etc). When she sits down, ask her if you can look at hers because you lost yours. Even if she doesn’t have it, you have opened up the conversation. Other ‘innocent’ questions - “I wrote something in my notes I can’t read myself, may I look at yours?” “Did you get 42 for Question 6 as well?” “Have you had this professor before?”
Once you see how she reacts to the question, you will get a better idea of her personality and how she will react to you. If you ask her for her syllabus and she hands it over without looking at you or saying anything, then she’ll probably more difficult to win over than a girl who says “Here it is.” and looks you in the eye. While you are looking at it or while you hand it back, break into regular conversation. If you are unsure how to do this, try it on guys or girls you aren’t interested in first.
Start with light conversation, in the form of simple questions. Say hi, then ask if she did the last homework assignment, and if so if she had a hard time with question #4 like you did (even if you didn’t). If the professor is particularly good/bad, mention that (in a low, conspiritorial voice if he/she is bad) and ask if she’s had any other classes with him/her. Transition into asking her more general questions about her, e.g. what her major is, which dorm she’s living in, if she likes her roommate (possibly followed by funny story about your own roommate), what her favorite pizza place is, etc.
Once you’ve broken the ice, the next time you see each other before class, you can tell a funny story or ask more questions. After a few such chit-chats, ask if she wants to get together for coffee/ice cream or study together for an upcoming test.
I always thought it was easy to strike up conversations in college. I miss that! There’s so much to talk about. As others have said, start with something, anything, about the class. The homework, the last exam (“How’d you do on that one?” Don’t get too personal on this one though. If she doesn’t want to answer, don’t push it!), the prof - complaining about the professor is a time-honored tradition, the other students (Doesn’t that guy EVER stop asking stupid questions??), etc.
Then once you’ve got an opening, you can start asking questions: So, what’s your major? Where are you from? How do you like it here (assuming she isn’t from down the street)? What are your plans after college (if you’re juniors or seniors)? What are your summer plans? And so on.
And then you suggest going for coffee or something to work on the next homework assignment together (assuming this won’t be construed by the professor as cheating). Or if she says she’s struggling in the class, you offer to help her… over coffee.
I miss the social scene in college! It’s so much harder in the Real World ™ where you have no idea what someone might be interested in. At least right now you know that she’s taking the same course at the same college as you are. That’s a good start! Good luck.
