Just say, “hey, how’s it going?” If she nods and turns away, she’s probably not interested. If she smiles and replies, she might be.
Recent example in my life. There’s a cute woman about my age in my yoga class. I sat next to her after class and said, “hello.” She smiled and said “hello” back. We started talking about yoga, then about other stuff, then found out that we both have a dog so I asked her if she wanted to walk the dogs together sometime. Easy as can be.
You have nothing to lose so just fucking talk to her. The sooner you figure that out the better.
It doesn’t have to be witty or brilliant–that’s too much pressure. I do suggest being honest. Pretending to forget your notes or not understand something in class could backfire. Just talk with her, and don’t worry if she can tell you’re attracted to her. Even if you’re a little nervous, don’t worry about it–that can be a lot more attractive than a guy who has way too much confidence.
I agree that if she sat by you when she got to class that early, she doesn’t find you repulsive.
I know, I was equating the feeling of just trying to say “hey” to what rocket science must be like. Because I know there’s no way just starting a conversation should be this hard. And yet it seems that way for some reason. I hate my brain.
If this was just some dude, and you were sitting bored 20min before class started, would you worry about what to say to him? I suspect not, you’d just say “Hey, I’m Soapbox Monkey, what’s your name? Nice to meet you, whaddya think of this class, the homework was a pain, wasn’t it?” and just blab about whatever crap is going on that week.
You’re falling into a classic nice guy problem, investing too much into a person you’ve never met. Placing enormous importance on this first encounter going well. For all you know, she’s got a hot and heavy relationship with a guy back home, don’t expect that this “hi” is going to turn into marriage and a white picket fence.
My suggestion, introduce yourself, maybe make a little small talk about the one thing you two definitely have in common, the class. After that, if you don’t have anything in particular to talk about, don’t. It’s ok.
For your own sake though, talk about things that interest you, don’t go searching for conversational topics, don’t force conversation. Maybe you should spend the time before class reading a newspaper, even the school paper, all sorts of topics to chat about in one of them things and it’s a nice way to pass the time.
The most important thing, though is to relax and not worry about it.
“Are you drinking skim milk because you think you’re fat, because your not you could probably drink whole milk” is always a good opener.
Alot of women enjoy it when men make an effort to talk to them. Women don’t starve themselves and dress like prostitutes in the hopes that men will find them repulsive. If she knows you are talking to her because you find her attractive chances are reasonably good that she will play along no matter what your opener. So you could be worried over nothing. Something simplistic like ‘what is your name’ even works, corny as it sounds.
Because you are overthinking it. As long as you don’t say anything incredibly inappopriate i.e "“Are you drinking skim milk because you think you’re fat, because your not you could probably drink whole milk”, you’ll be fine. Ask her about the assignment, ask her what her major is. Follow Giraffe’s advice and you’ll be fine.
Hello, how are you?
If she sighs, says fine and then turns away from you, stop right there and ask the next girl.
Actually, I’m one to talk. I consider myself a smarter than average guy and I once worked with this guy who was really nice but not to bright. But he was absoultely fearless with women. He could and would hit on any and every woman that was both breathing and within 50 yards.
Guess what? He got turned down a lot but he ended with a really great looking girlfriend that was really nice. Me, I’m going to die alone and bitter.
Do you want to die alone? No? Then say hello to her!
Cheesesteak presents an excellent point, which parallels what I’m presently working on. In my case, the point is to not become emotionally invested early in a relationship.
Soapbox Monkey, may I suggest you look over the No More Mr. Nice Guy web site at www.nomoremrniceguy.com. Let us know what you think of the ideas presented there.
Perhaps not inappapropriate in the sexual harassment kind of way, but inappropriate in the absolutely guaranteed to not get you very far with the ladies kind of way.
((disclaimer: take what I think with a small salt lick; I wind up with a whole lot more girl friends than girlfriends out of the girls I approach. Part of this is due to my mysterious ability to find lesbians by falling for them; the rest, I think, is just me.))
I find that it’s nice to have some new-ish music handy (something most people will probably like, but not too many people have already heard) as a conversation topic. “Oh, hey, you’ve gotta hear this; I got it the other day and can’t stop” seems to fill awkward silences nicely, and it leads naturally into other things to talk about. People like music, and it’s surprising how much people identify themselves by their choices.
I’ve had self esteem problems and even at their worst, all that line would have earned from me is a :rolleyes:
Here’s the line again:
Here’s what’s wrong with it in my humble, but female opinion.
[ol]
[li]It sounds contrived.[/li][li]It contains a reference to her being fat. Even though you’re explicitly saying she’s not fat, you’re also saying there’s a possibility she thinks she’s fat.[/li][li]You’re commenting on her appearance, but not complimenting her on it. [/li][li]You’re offering unsolicted advice to someone you don’t know and who didn’t ask for it.[/li][li]It comes across to me as a little too eager or puppy dog-ish.[/li][li]Worst of all, and yes, I am deliberately repeating myself, it sounds contrived. Actually, it sounds like what it is: a cheesy pick up line.[/ol] [/li]I’m not writing this to tear you down. I’m writing this so that other nice, shy guys who don’t have a clue what to say around women don’t say the wrong thing.
What’s the right thing? Here are a few things that you could try:
[ul][li]“Hello.” It’s simple, clean, and effective.[/li][li]“Nice/lousy weather we’re having.” It may be a cliche, but it’s a nice neutral opener.[/li][li]“What did you think of that last exam?” Best asked within a few weeks of the last exam.[/li][li]“How was your weekend?” Good on Monday, not so good on Wednesday, somewhat lame on Friday.[/ul][/li]No doubt others will suggest better lines and some already have.
Contrived pickup lines from strangers don’t usually work for me unless their delivered in a way that tells me the person giving me the line knows it’s one and is joking around. Even so, he’d better have a good follow up. A sincere show of interest, on the other hand, is flattering, even if the gentleman is a bit tongue-tied.
Never underestimate the effect of a nice, simple smile. Not a leer; a smile. The man I love most is also the shyest man I’ve ever met. One thing that drew me to him was the way he’d look at me and smile, even when he didn’t know what to say. That smile keeps drawing me back. A nice smile could even give “Are you drinking skim milk because you think you’re fat, because your not you could probably drink whole milk.” a chance if it were self-deprecating enough, although not much of one.
I’m going to second this. It puts out that you are nice and normal, not a psycho and it shows that you are genuinely interested. It is not a bad thing to show that you are interested in her as long as you don’t come across as creepy stalkerish, I’ve planned our whole life together even though we’ve never spoken.
As just about everyone says in these types of threads, the big thing is confidence. I’ll tell you the story of a friend of mine from high school who went to the same college as I did. He was short and pudgy with not so good skin. He also had a speech impediment. I never knew him to not either have a girlfriend or be in the process of dating someone. His trick was that he was fearless and rejection didn’t bother him. If he was turned down, no big deal. Every guy at some point or another gets rejected or shot down. It doesn’t make you a lesser person.
The same thing with another friend of mine, who descibes himself as a human bobble doll. We went out a few years ago, and he started conversation with quite a few women who were lookers. He left with a few numbers. If he was shot down as he often was, he picked himself up and moved on. He is currently married to a rather good looking woman.
The key part is the not looking like a doofus. For exactly that reason, I urge you to steer away from trying to be witty in an ice-breaking conversation. In my experience, people react badly to that. S/he doesn’t know you. You are obviously trying to be funny. S/he quite often concludes that you must, on some level, be making fun of hir. Penis does *not * ensue.
A good friend of mine has never, to my knowledge, even had a single date,much less a steady girlfriend for exactly this reason. He tries too hard to be witty and alienates the object of his attentions instead.
I have always enjoyed good success in the warm commerce by following a few simple guidelines:
Keep initial conversations light and simple, without becoming banal. The idea is to show that you are interested in her, NOT show off that you are interesting.
Show that you are interested in her, but do not appear desperate or needy. That drives 'em away more efficiently than anything. Be calm, be friendly. Be patient.
Value yourself. You’ll hear lots of losers moaning about how girls go for assholes instead of nice guys. Do you know why I was out boning women that “nice guys” were at home sullenly masturbating? Because I am self-confident. Stand and sit with good posture. Be dynamic in your movements. Speak like you know what the hell you’re talking about. Approach her like an equal, not as a supplicant begging for favors. You must give off the vibe that, as far as you are concerned, nobody in the room is better than you. Guys think I’m an arrogant prick. Women like me . Guess whose opinion on this matter I value more?
The first invitation should follow on a couple interludes of conversation. The conversation will “write itself” if she is interested in you. Having prepared “talking points” will only brand you as a doofus. Make the first invitation for someplace public and something relatively inconsequential. A cup of coffee. Free concert in the park. That sort of thing.
Once you get this stuff down and are able to get dates, start a new thread and we’ll go over the How To Get In Her Pants part of the plan.
