As for myself, I don’t consider myself sexy or handsome, but I do feel attractive, and I remember how I felt and how I viewed the world when I considered myself to be ugly. It’s like night and day. I don’t know why physical looks matter so much, but they do.
I also imagine that pretty people never get called creepy. I think being called creepy is one of the worst things in the world, self-esteem wise. I plan on writing an OP about it in the Pit in the near future.
Say what? Did you see the thread where I posted audio samples of myself and others?
:: nods ::
Yup. It’s the ultimate confidence-destroyer. If you reach out, you’re ‘creepy’. If you don’t reach out, you’re ‘cold’, ‘hostile’, or ‘indifferent’. There’s no way to win in that situation, only pain.
I don’t think Im “really” good looking, but I look good enough that girls have complimented me on my looks, and for some reason I get hit on by gay people rather often.
And I think my looks have affected my life quite positively. It’s easy for me to approach girls pretty much regardless of how I do it. Meanwhile I can see people around me getting crossed arms or backs turned to them, and I’m rather sure it’s not because their opener is significantly worse than “Hey. What’s up?”. My own taste is rather picky, so I am thankful that it’s not coupled with bad looks, or I would have been in trouble.
(I think this thread would be more fun with pics.)
Nope. I have been hit on by, oh maybe two men in my life and I am in my mid-twenties. Once by a dickhead, and once by my now-husband. If there have been other times, than I have been oblivious.
When I don’t compare myself to other people, I can convince myself that I’m pretty. I have natural dark-blonde hair and I am relatively thin. Compared to other people, though, my nose is relatively big, my eyes are relatively small, and my chest is relatively flat. I guess maybe I’m just average - people don’t go out of their way to help me, but they don’t go out of their way to ignore me either.
I have to say, though, I prefer not being pretty, or at least the standard pretty. In academia, being beautiful would be tough because there is a stereotype that beautiful people are stupid, especially beautiful women. There is a beautiful woman in my department who has changed a lot since she started grad school. She used to be more funny and wasn’t afraid of joking around or acting a little ditzy. Gradually, though, she became more serious and her attitude became brusque and blunt. I’m fairly certain this change came about because she wasn’t being taken seriously in her research.
(Also, when I say that I prefer not being pretty, what that really means is that I’m jealous of all the attention pretty women get. Then again, my husband tells me I’m beautiful, so if I just stop comparing myself to other people, then I’m quite happy with what I’ve got.)
I think there are people who are people who have a pretty/handsome face, and then there are people who are SO much more attractive in motion. Have you ever seen someone and thought they were just okay, until they gave you their attention and started speaking and interacting with you? And their face just lights up and you think, God, she/he’s gorgeous!
I had an awkward adolescence, but early in my 20’s I slowly realized that I had become a “hottie”. Attractive face, a little quirky, lopsided smile, full lips,asianish eyes. I was on the small busted side but aside from that I had one of those airbrushed looking centerfold bodies.
I never had a problem getting entry level jobs, in retrospect I could’ve probably handed over a blank sheet of paper instead of a resume with the same results.
My first job out of college I ended up becoming involved with the guy that had interviewed me shortly after starting at the job, a mistake but at the time I was just starting to realize that I wasn’t a dorky little geek anymore. At the next job I overheard the guy that hired me pointing me out to some of my new male coworkers, telling them “if there hadn’t been any job openings I would’ve fired you to hire her”. All three of my bosses at that job made plays for me but I knew better by then.
The downside was I got hit on A LOT just while walking down the street or riding the subway and it was usually less than welcome and the reaction to rejection was wierd, you would think I had actually been involved with these guys, I had angry guys yelling at me for not giving them a chance a few times. Women hit on me as well and it was often someone I thought I knew fairly well but I had no clue that they had bisexual leanings. Because of this, I kind of learned to put out a “don’t even try it” vibe which probably hurt me in terms of forming real relationships. And the guys I thought I could be serious about never quite believed it and thought I was going to leave them for someone richer or better looking.
The upside was, I had a good time. I was in the NYC Hispanic day parade once…I started out watching it but some guys on a float saw me on the sidewalk and invited me to join them. And one time I was talking to some guys at work and ended up with a 6 month roadie job, these guys even got me a union waiver so I could take the job ( I did have a relevant skills, though). And my female friends and I could join those packed screaming crowds begging to get in at the hot nightclubs and get noticed by the bouncer and gain admission in like 5 seconds flat.
That was a long time ago, though and I am in my early 50’s now. Most people these days peg me as a reasonably attractive 35 year old, which is both flattering and annoying…it’s flattering in general when people think you’re younger than you are but annoying when someone younger than me starts giving me “voice of experience” advice.
A lot of women are just as superficial, giving it up for any guy with money or power.
I inherited my dad’s looks and confidence. I would say I am generally considered attractive both in terms of appearance and attitude, though this has not always been the case (I only really stopped looking like a “kid” by age 19 or so.) It’s definitely difficult for me being in a committed relationship because I am often tempted by other available women, and it’s something I have to battle with all the time because I do truly love my girlfriend. Growing up with a father who was (after my parents split up) a huge womanizer, going through a procession of women half his age, has given me a very unique insight into “the game.” I got to see a true player in action, and it’s quite impressive. But I saw a lot of drama too.
Women, generally (and of course there are exceptions) are turned on more by ideas than by physical elements. Maybe this is proof that they are more cerebral. It certainly would explain why erotic literature is so much more popular with women than with men.
I’ve never been good-looking. I was very overweight as a child and teenager, up until the wonderful world of eating disorders ™ into which I fell during college. I lost about 100lbs, then gained about 20lbs of it back and, although I am now trying to drop it again, the amount of attention I am getting is amazing in comparison to how it was when I weighed over 200lbs. That being said, even at my thinnest, and I have always defined “good-looking” as “shapely” as opposed to facial features, I have (and probably will) never be anywhere near breathtaking. And it shows. I have a lot of first dates who never call me back, and I get hit on by the type of men who hit on everyone. Formerly being the fat teenager who never garnered any attention at all, however, any attempts by men to flirt with me make me feel fantastic, even as I mentally brush them off. When I had a job requiring me to dress up, I got catcalled every so often, and I suppose that’s a glimpse into what being gorgeous is like.
I’ve been called gorgeous by my dad, though Isn’t that what dads are for?
Then again, my husband tells me I’m beautiful, so if I just stop comparing myself to other people, then I’m quite happy with what I’ve got.)
Isn’t that what dads are for?