Okey doke Ex.
Just let me know which half of you I have to explain it to first.
You can tell I know nothing about real estate, because this sounds like there’s a mob hit out on the house. If that’s the case, then I say pass, you don’t want to get mixed up with that stuff. Plus, how silly would it be, explaining to everyone that your house fell off the back of a truck? But yay! for juicy profits and no building worries.
My car comes home tomorrow, la la la, wheee! If you hear a muffled scream and then a thunk from somewhere on the left coast, that’s me hearing the final costs. Too bad I have nothing to do this weekend and I’ve already taken time off, so no extra long holiday for me. It’s not so bad, because summer vacation is just nine days away.
Ooh, I have a funny joke. There’s a student who hasn’t done a single lick of work aaaallll year long, no matter what his teachers did. His parents refused to come to conferences and even pretended to be too busy to talk when the art teacher called home. So now, the week before finals week, only two days away from the final project deadline, the student’s mommy wants to set up a meeting to discuss what her son needs to do to pass all of his classes. Ha! Hilarious joke, I know. It seems this was a less than sparkling day for a few people in this thread. But at least I didn’t have to fire anyone. Poor Swampy, I’ll bet nearly everyone understands ya had to do it.
Okay, here’s a real joke that one of my students told me. Why does Piglet smell so bad? 'Cause he’s always playing with Pooh!
This my friends is blasphemy! Taking the name of Winnie-the-Pooh in vain! That such a thing can happen in these United States, and on these hallowed Boards! And in a MMP thread, no less. Civilization is at an end, I tell you, complete chaos!! Shocking!! Simply shocking!!!
Other than that, the joke is an excellent example of an 8 years old’s idea of a joke of a salacious nature. (Bumba use thes best words!)
And now returning the the joke theme (in case anyone is having a bad Friday):
Married in Heaven
On their way to get married a young couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting they began to wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven.
When St. Peter showed up they asked him. St. Peter replied, “I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out.” The couple sat and waited for an answer for a couple of months . … and as they waited they discussed that if they were allowed to get married in Heaven, SHOULD they get married what with the eternal aspect of it and all. “What if it doesn’t work out?” they wondered, “Are we stuck FOREVER?”
St. Peter finally returns looking somewhat bedraggled. “Yes,” he informs them,“you can get married in Heaven.” “Great!” said the couple, “But we were wondering, what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?”
St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. “What’s wrong?” asked the frightened couple. “Oh, come on!” shouts St. Peter. “It took me three months to find a priest up here. Do you have any idea how long it will take me to find a lawyer?!”<rimshot>
Thanks folks, I’ll be here all weekend! Forget about tipping the waitress and get me a date instead. <rimshot>
** BWAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!**
Good jokes everybody. Especially **Ashes [sup]2[/sup]. <snerk> Playing with Pooh. <snerk>
dwyr relieved as I am to know you are not having a cat poo sammich for lunch, I am still skeeved by the fact that you have a container of cat poo in your lunch bag. I mean what if you got all preoccupied and decided to eat lunch while working and accidentally opened the wrong container and absent mindedly started munching away? :eek: I think it best to carry your cat poo in a separate bag marked cat poo, not for lunch. 
FCM aww on the not getting to build the dream hours, but finger crossing and good vibes for the house. Tell your agent you’ll bake him/her a batch of cookies first thing in the house if he/she will work some real estate agent voodoo so the house is yours.
You wanna know what bugs me?
I tediously compose a short post that a four year old would find embarassing to sort of, but not really, ask a question, and while I’m taking ten friggin’ minutes to bang the stupid thing out with my nose FairyChatMom comes along and answers somebody else’s question on the same subject, thus making me look like even more of a dumbass than I really am. And believe me, I don’t need any help.
I can’t take the humiliation, so I’m not playing any more. dwyr and lightingtool are hereby requested to pick up my slack.
Maybe that will work.
Ex, darling, you are not an idiot. You should never have listened to welby, it’s tied you all in knots and destroyed your self-esteem. We all like you very, very much. dwyr, Wintermute, tanookie and I all volunteer to sit on your lap if it will make you feel better.
I hope you have a big lap. Maybe we can take turns.
dwyr, the kitty pic was emotional warfare. Ex, non-gay men like cats, too. Mr. Lissar can be regularly found sprawling out on the bed, using disgusting baby talk to the cats. Driving Husband loves cats, too. Both of them are verifiably not gay. At least, I’m sure about Mr. Lissar.
Whee! Picking out paint colours and shopping for sofa cover fabric today! Whee!
Wow - maybe it was a good thing you missed the fest Ex! I have 4 cats and 2 kids!
I’ll still sit on your lap though 
Parallax likes cats and unless he’s a great actor I don’t think he’s gay. He could be Bi but he’s never said anything about it - maybe I should ask?
He says he’s not Bi…
Guess he’s just weird? He likes cats…
I like cats.
** other people’s ** cats.
In other people’s houses.
I, however, do not have concrete furniture, so no cats in my house thankyouverymuch.
Alright - I’ll fess up. I am a regular lurker of the MMP’s. I don’t post because I’m in awe of you guys, you’re quick, you’re witty and you’ve managed to adopt the Rue style of writing! (How the heck do you do that?)
One day I hope to write ala Rue but for now I’m just gonna lurk.
N
I do not recall implying that it is impossible for straight guys to like cats. It’s just that there a lot who don’t, and cat-loving seems to be pretty universal among women. It was swampy who brought up the gay guy bit, and he didn’t imply that cat-loving was strictly a gay thing, either. Come to think of it, all the gay guys I know have cats, seemingly to backing up his theory which, again, says nothing whatsoever about straight guys. So there.
Okay, okay. I’m really leaving this time. Sheesh.
Nausicaa ain’t nuttin’ to writin’ Rue style. Just put down whatever’s in your head at the moment. The stranger and more off topic to the OP the better. No MMP is ever about any one thing.
Hmm… it got all the way to Thursday this week before poop was mentioned. That’s gotta be a record for latest poop post in a MMP thread.
Bumba FYI, I made the pimento cheese that was (I just ate it) in my sammich. It’s good, but I just made so dang much of it. Tomorrow, by the pool, there will be “pimento cheese dip.” What the heck, those fools will eat anything anyway. Even one of dwyr’s cat poo sammiches.
Oh, and tomorrow, we’re gonna have wings from Hooters. I got a coupon for wings. I’m buying 50 and getting 50 free. Already ordered em. Gonna go pick em up tomorrow round 11:30. I get bleu cheese and ranch stuff to dip em in. I already got some celery. Why? Cause you’re supposed to have celery with wings. I don’t know why, it’s just supposed to be, that’s all.
Oh! Oh! and I’ve been invitated to a pool side cookout Sunday afternoon. So I gets to go sit by somebody else’s (well, two somebody else’s since they’re a couple) pool and be a guest. I’m bringing potato salad which I’m making tonight cause it’s better if it sits around in the fridge a day or two. It will be festive I’m sure. They got a tiki bar, so it’s margarita city baby! WOOHOO!!!
-swampbear (party animal)
looks like we’re gonna get outa here at 3:30 today…woohoo!!!
I’m soooooooooooo ready for the weekend. I’m gonna be doing the pool thang, too, swampy. Got a pool party Sunday afternoon (a “bring yer meat” bbq), a pool party Monday (catered, no need to bring anything!), and I am going to hang out with my dear friend at her pool tomorrow, just for kicks.
So I’m a pool fool this weekend!!! 
[quote=earthpuppy]
So I’m a pool fool this weekend!!!
[quote]
Me too! Monday I intends to be a pool fool all by my little lonesome. A day for swampy to lounge around his very own pool.
hmmmmmmmmmm… perhaps I should take a little time on Monday to brush up on the old coding skills. :o
Do I detect outrage? Then my job here is complete!
You know, I’ve never had pimento cheese and I think I shall buy some when I go shopping today. Since I should be getting my car back and it’s payday too, I have an overwhelming urge to stock up on goodies. The repressed shopping urge is horrible-- I’ve been deprived of all shopping goodness for nearly two weeks! I will pass on the cat poo sammiches though.
Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
To hide in cherry trees.
How did Tarzan die?
Picking cherries.
Which reminds me to put cherries on my grocery list, right next to the pimento cheese. Ooh cheesecake! I can make cheesecake and put fresh cherries on it…
BWAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAA!!!
also…
Hehheh Ashes [sup]2[/sup] said picking cherries. Hehheh.
The only acceptable bread for pimento cheese sammiches is white bread. You might wanna add that to yer list there. It’s better homemade. All you need is to shred up some extra sharp cheddar cheese, slice up pimentos (pimentoes?) whatever, those red things that come in little jars, add mayo to taste and if you’re feeling extra fancy, maybe some chopped onion and/or minced garlic. Oh, and some black pepper. Feel free to add any of this to your shopping list if you don’t have it on hand.
Cherry cheese cake…mmmmmmmmmmm.
Did I mention one of my friends is gonna make homemade peach ice cream tomorrow? Well he is. I might have to be extra special nice to him for that. 
We’re having watermelon too. We’re kickin’ off summer party time, gotta have some watermelon!
[QUOTE=swampbear
Bumba FYI, I made the pimento cheese that was (I just ate it) in my sammich. It’s good, but I just made so dang much of it. Tomorrow, by the pool, there will be “pimento cheese dip.” What the heck, those fools will eat anything anyway. Even one of dwyr’s cat poo sammiches.
Oh, and tomorrow, we’re gonna have wings from Hooters. I got a coupon for wings. I’m buying 50 and getting 50 free. Already ordered em. Gonna go pick em up tomorrow round 11:30. I get bleu cheese and ranch stuff to dip em in. I already got some celery. Why? Cause you’re supposed to have celery with wings. I don’t know why, it’s just supposed to be, that’s all.
[/QUOTE]
Okay, I’ll bite, figuratively anyway, how do you make pimento cheese? What kinda cheese do you use? I’m willing to try anything, foodwise, once.
BTW, according to Epicurious, a pimento is:* A large, red, heart-shaped sweet pepper that measures 3 to 4 inches long and 2 to 3 inches wide. The flesh of the pimiento (the Spanish word for “pepper”) is sweet, succulent and more aromatic than that of the red bell pepper… Pimientos are the familiar red stuffing found in green olives.
*
If you like Hooters’ wings, you should try these:
CHICKEN WINGS AFRICANA
These chicken wings, inspired by a Macanese recipe, bring together flavors of Portugal, China, and Africa, which were connected through the trade routes and colonization of Macau.
For the chicken wings:
4 garlic cloves
2 shallots
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1 tablespoon Chinese five-spice powder (available at Asian markets and most supermarkets)
2 teaspoons paprika
1 teaspoon crumbled dried rosemary
1/2 teaspoon cayenne, or to taste
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
4 pounds chicken wings (about 20 to 24), the tips cut off and reserved for another use
For the sauce:
1/3 cup natural-style peanut butter
1/4 cup well-stirred canned cream of coconut
2 garlic cloves, chopped
1/4 cup water
1/4 cup chopped red bell pepper
1/8 teaspoon dried hot red pepper flakes, or to taste
1 teaspoon soy sauce
coriander sprigs for garnish if desired
Prepare the chicken wings:
Mince and mash the garlic and the shallots to a paste with the salt and in a large bowl stir the paste together well with the five-spice powder, the paprika, the rosemary, the cayenne, and the oil. Add the chicken wings, stirring to coat them well with the marinade, and let them marinate, covered and chilled, for 4 hours or overnight. Arrange the wings, skin sides up, on the rack of a foil-lined large broiler pan and bake them in the upper third of a preheated 425°F. oven for 25 to 30 minutes, or until they are golden brown. The wings may be prepared 1 day in advance, kept covered and chilled, and reheated.
Make the sauce:
In a blender blend together the peanut butter, the cream of coconut, the garlic, the water, the bell pepper, the red pepper flakes, and the soy sauce until the mixture is smooth and season the sauce with salt.
Transfer the sauce to a serving bowl set on a platter, arrange the wings around the bowl, and garnish the platter with the coriander.
Makes 20 to 24 wings.
Gourmet
February 1992
I’ve made these twice and they don’t last, trust me.
If you buy the big ole’ bag-o-wings at your local Shop-N-Plotz you can just pour the marinade into the bag and throw it into the fridge for a couple-four hours. You don’t really need the sauce even, the wings are great on their own.
Bumbazine - gourmand-at-large (actually XL)
Oh, and one more joke. I got this in an e-mail a long time ago, but it’s one of my favorites:
A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, “It’s a lot of money!”. After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president’s office (the customer is always right!). The bank President then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, $165,000.00 and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, “Ma’am, I’m surprised you’re carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?” The old lady replied “I make bets.” The president then asked, “Bets? What kind of bets?”. The old woman said, “Well for example, I’ll bet you $25,000.00 that your balls are square.” Ha! laughed the president, “That’s a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!”. The old lady challenged, “So, would you like to take my bet?” “Sure, said the president, “I’ll bet $25,000.00 that my balls are not square!” The little old lady then said, “Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness?” “Sure!” replied the confident president. That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet. The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president’s office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: “$25,000.00 says the president’s balls are square!” The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. “Well, Okay,” said the president, “$25,000.00 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure.” Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, “What the hell’s the matter with your lawyer?” She replied, “Nothing, except I bet him $100,000.00 that at 10:00 am today, I’d have The Bank of Canada’s president’s balls in my hand.”
BWAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAA!!!
Bumba dang! That was fuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnny!!! Definitely on the pool party joke list. They are soooo gonna drown me!
The wing marinade sounds good, but peanut butter and coconut in a wing sauce? :dubious:
If I make em will everybody wanna dance the Macaurena afterwards?
HAH! Comedic gold! I slay me!
Nevermind. :rolleyes:
Incidentally, I cut-and-pasted the above joke. I apologize for not euphamizing it for any viewers with more delicate sensibilities, but you gotta understand this: I don’t think there’s anything dirty or repulsive about the human body. We’re all naked under our clothes. Get used to it. :rolleyes:
Oops! Bumba I told how to make pimento cheese in and earlier post to Ashes[sup]2[/sup]. Just do whatever I said there. It ain’t exact science so you can futz around with it and add your own culinary touches.