Before anyone asks, I listen to the Idiot Morning Show Guy because A) he irritates me enough that he forces me to get up in the morning. B) There’s nothing else on, C) everyone else on the early shift listens to him on their way to work and “What stupid thing did he say this time?” is a prime topic of early conversation and D) apparently, I’m a masochist.
So, with that in mind,
Hey, Idiot Morning Show Guy:
#1) I’m not impressed that you gain a phony British-esque accent when you pronounce “AAuhf-ghaun-hee-stahn” or “Moohs-lihm”.
#2) I’m even less impressed that you pronounce it new-que-lar.
#3) You moron. A tactical nuke is different than a strategic nuke. And “a country buster bomb” don’t really exist (unless you’re talking about a really, really small country.) Someone called in and suggested that if bin Laden was holed up in an underground bunker, a very small tac-nuke might be appropriate. It is a worthwhile discussion as to whether or not that’s a good idea. It is not worthwhile to shriek "Yoor gonna kill MILLIONS OF INNOCENT PEOPLE! YOOR TRYN’ TUH DESTROY TH’ WHOLE COUNTREE FUR TH’ CRIMES UV A FEW PEOPLE!" in response to that caller.
#4) It is intellectually dishonest to spend two or three shows “talking” about an issue and giving publicity to one side of said issue, but when called on your stance responding with “Hey, I’m only bringing up the question. The newspaper has an article about it!” (He does this all the time. He’ll spend three days with the topic “Is the Mayor a crack-head wife beating nun-raper? Let’s talk about it!” and when called he’ll respond with the aforementioned line.
#5) Also, you walking anus, it is also intellectually dishonest to pretend you never said your tagline. Just after the Columbine situation, you spent a lot of time savaging the cops and espousing an extremist pro-gun control philosophy. Whenever anyone would point out that guns aren’t the only weapons that can be used to hurt or kill, you’d respond with “Yuh can’t hijack a plane with a knife.” Now you’re pretending you never said it. Not disavowing it, not saying “Yeah, it was a stupid statment in retrospect, but I’m still in favor of grabbing guns.” but “I dinnn’t say that!” :rolleyes: Tsk.
#6) You asshole. It does not follow that I am a drunk simply because you are. I applaud the fact that you claim to be in recovery. Hooray for you. Yipee! But having a glass of wine with dinner does not mean that I’m an alcholic. Simply 'cause you can’t handle booze doesn’t mean everyone else can’t.
#7) Ditto with pot. And guns. (One of his big anti-gun arguments is that he doesn’t want a gun in his home.) And anything else you don’t like. Just because you can’t handle something doesn’t mean that it should be illegal.
#8) You cannot. CANNOT. be both for and against drug legalization at the same time! Well, you can, but you’ll look more like a wingnut than you already do. (He claims to be against drug legalization, because, being an addictive type, he’d run amok, thus everyone would run amok. BUT, he also claims that addicts are poor victims of an evil drug policy and we shouldn’t actually make drugs legal, just not enforce ANY drug laws on the book.)
#9) I’m disgusted by your “The only good cop is a dead cop” unstated philosophy. Any time there’s even a tiniest, most microscopic possiblity of the merest hint of scandal within a police department (a cop lost a knife!), you’ll do a four hour a day/multi-day shriekfest against cops and the police department. The only time you’ll say anything positive about cops is after they’ve died, in which case you’ll do a weepy show and take up a collection for the dead cop’s family. How 'bout saying something nice about a cop when the cop’s actually alive?
#10) Everyone knows that when you interrupt a caller to say “Go slow!” it means the caller made a good point that you disagree with and you’re struggling to come up with a rebuttal. In addition, you constantly say (after saying something that might get you in trouble) “Hey. I’m no expert. I’m just some dumb guy, so whadda I know?” followed by a hateful comment. Guess what, Blinky? I agree. You are just some dumb guy.
#11) It’s funny: All politicians are scum. Except the ones who’ll go on your show. Funny how that works. (And y’know…that Vonnegut quote “There are two political parties in America. And they’re NOT the Republicans and the Democrats” really isn’t profound, insightful or witty enough to warrent repeating it a million times a week during campaign season.)
#12) It’s pretty hard to dislodge an idea from your head, isn’t it? You did a show about identity cards saying that the only people who didn’t want 'em were Fundimentalist Christians for whom the cards would be The Mark of the Beast. When ACLU types, Civil Liberty types, a bunch of Jews, libertarians, etc swamped your phones, responding to each of them over a four hour show with “But, c’mon. It’s the Mark of the Beast thing, right? Be honest.” was embarassing and dull. (He’s not doing it as a Howard Stern, piss off the callers thing.)
In other words, Idiot Morning Guy:
I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!
SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!
Thank you.
Fenris