Dear SDMB, I never thought this would happen to me…
Haaaaaaay internet I just had the sex and it was 
and I just had SEX I HAD SEX AND I AM POSTING ABOUT IT ON THE INTERNET.
There, are we done yet?
You know, a year ago I too would have been have been sceptical of this story. But then one evening I was sitting alone in my unabomber style shack (with cable and internet) when I heard the door knock. Imagine my surprise when I opened the door and was confronted by a college cheerleading squad and their coach.
“I hate to trouble you,” said the coach, “but our bus broke down and I need to hike the thirty miles to the nearest town to get assistance. Would you mind putting up the girls for the night?”
“Well, I guess so…” I began.
“Before you say yes,” interupted the coach, “There’s something you should know. You may think you’re in for a fun filled evening of popcorn and Freddy Prinze jr. movies, but these girls are all raging nymphomaniacs who must be kept in line with a strict program of discipline and hygene…”
etc. etc. etc.
This was what made me decide that the story was fake. Think about this: the girl is a virgin. Her vagina is probably really tight, because it (most likely) hasn’t had anything as wide as a penis in it. Now, it probably hurt the first time, like it does for most girls. According to jose, they had sex at least three times. I’m not a virgin, and I haven’t been for a while, but if I have sex two times in a row, I start to get a little sore. That’s just twice. I would think that this girl would not be able to lose her viriginity and then have sex twice more in a short period of time–it’d hurt too much. Her giney would be sore as hell. And the fact that she orgasmed on the third time, well, that’s just way too bogus for me.
I suppose it is possible that she was already proficient with a vibrator, and her choo-choo was already wide and cavernous and waiting for the pleasure that only jose’s manhood could provide. But still, I’m willing to bet that constant jamming with a cock is different from the sweet sweet vibrator love, different enough that she would still experience a bit of pain upon her first time. Not having used a vibrator before my cherry was popped, I can’t say whether this is the case or not. Is a vibrator’s gentle humming rhythms enough to prepare you for dickfest 2005? What say ye, ladies?
Maybe she just needed a partern for the Ikea shoot
http://abum.com/?show_media=3918&file_type=Movies
(cut & paste into your address bar. Not especially work unsafe)
This just frick’n killed me.
Wouldn’t that be a cho-choo tunnel? :eek:
Yes, but were they 18 and were they cheerleaders?
Taking this statement at face value, using a place that she feels secure is a good thing.
OTOH, a third party, a relative of hers, may now have knowledge of this. Deflowering her in a neutral, distant city – such as a very nice hotel – might have been a better course of action. With only you two ever knowing what happened, deniability is extremely high. Screwing her at her cousin’s places means she has something on you that might just resurface somewhere down the road, at your expense. If she is as mature as you claim her, and and the setup period is as long as you claim, who is to say a copy of a videotape may one day show up in your mailbox along with a polite request for cash. (Let’s not forget a photograph of the bedsheets with that DNA stain as well.)
FWIW, I think this entire story is BS.
I must admit that I am a little amazed at the need for others to impose their own morality on others to the point where vilification becomes involved.
If you dont like what happened feel free to express that but without the personal attacks (Which I had not really expected from Dopers being one of the more sophisticated groups around)
Looking from outside the US this thread does seem to mirror the strangely puritanical society that seems to be prevalent over there. As I don’t live there I can’t really judge or comment on why Americans seem relatively prudish (yes I will wait for the reactions) about the issue of sex when all other liberties and freedoms are so strongly advocated.
To JJ and the young lady in question:
I won’t answer the question of whether you SHOULD have done what you did. That would be require my inhabiting each of your lives well enough to understand your motivations, needs, circumstances which I can’t do.
In doing what you did you showed sense, respect, honesty, consideration - all behaviours and attributes sorely lacking in most interactions. If you are comfortable with the why’s then I see no problem at all with the hows.
He asked for opinions and he got them. If he wanted to have an impersonal discussion, he should have posted a hypothetical in GD.
Personal attacks? Looked to me like people were reining themselves in outside of the Pit. (Has anyone Pitted the OP yet?)
We kinda have this hangup about honoring marriage vows. No, that doesn’t preclude open marriages, but in an open marriage, all three parties are aware of what’s happening.
He either cheated on his wife, which is not sensible, respectful, honest or considerate, or he made up a story about having cheated on his wife, which is just stupid.
Er…ah…I’m afraid I was still thinking about how good your muff looks, and didn’t notice you actually said something. 
Headspace, if I recall correctly, only one or two posters objected to the relationship per se. A few others said they, themselves, would be icked-out by the age difference, but followed with “whatever might work for them”. And shrug
The main problems stated were that:
A) The story simply doesn’t ring true.
B) The man is married, which normally means that there’s a betrayed wife somewhere nearby. (Assuming the story is true)
I don’t think prudishness played into that many of the responses.
Is there something more than his last name being cummings?
[QUOTE=josejones
she did tell me today that what she wanted was for her first time to be a pleasant memory that will make her smile when she tells it at the sorority house someday,[/QUOTE]
…Which just screams maturity. 
She sounds like an averagely (im)mature teenager, and you sound like you are trying to justify the TWENTY-SEVEN year gap by pretending that she’s “specially mature.” Like, does she have the brain of a 45 year old woman in the body of an 18 year old girl kind-of-thing.
I think it’s more likely that JoseJones has the maturity-level of a teenager himself, so they go together quite nicely; he can go on double-dates with this chick, and his own daughter and daughter’s boyfriend! :dubious:
Now I msut go. I have to send my letter about me encounter with a Mr. J. Depp to Playgirl…
OK, lets try that quote again.
That’s better.
And Eve, I could make a wisecrack about
my sweet old etcetera
here, but I won’t.
It’s all about capitalization, which e.e. famously didn’t do, and now jose infamously doesn’t do. What 45 year old man doesn’t capitalize “I”? :rolleyes:
well, perhaps the reference was overshadowed by another:
"Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta.
:nods:
We laughed, at first a knowing hollow laugh, but this then somehow grew, evolved, into great rolling peals of mirth. Suddenly it was clear that our lives would never be quite the same, forever it would be divided into “the time before Eve’s crack about e.e. cummings” and the golden age thereafter. We took this crack and made it something more. Now it was a, if you will, a zeitgeist. that embodied everything good and true in the world. We took each word and held them precious, close to our hearts and sometimes, in the quiet moments, take them out and laugh once again, the beauty of them warming our hearts and allowing us to face each day anew. Thank you Eve for giving this to us.
It was so funny it’s also a really cool way to pick up young chicks. I have a story about that…
Naw, it’s a big of slang that I picked up from Will Ferrell. He was playing Renee Zellweger’s gynecologist, and says, “I have very upsetting and shocking news. After taking over 400 Polaroids of your choo-choo, I have determined…” and she asks, “Scuze me, what’s a choo-choo?” He replies, “Heaven on earth, my friend.”