Today I was in the local AmVets thrift shop, looking for a spice rack, my spice cabinet is getting overcrowded. Just as I found what I was looking for, I noticed an old lady, rummaging through one of the bins of random stuff they have. She was about 80 something, short, actually looked a lot like the steriotypical Italian Catholic grandmother-The small kind, not the big abondanza type. ( No offence intended to either Italian or Catholic posters, just trying to give the image) Anyway, she pulls a collection of tubing out of the bin and stares quizicaly at it. Noticing me, she holds it up for inspection.
“I wonder what this is for?” she askes.
I recognize what it is, and immediately start wishing I was elsewhere. Locating land mines in Sariejvo with my bare feet, maybe.
“I’m pretty sure you don’t want to know.” I tell her.
“Do you know what it is?” she askes me.
“Yes”
“Would you please tell me?”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, just tell me.”
“Well, what you are holding there is a device know as …uh…ummm…[sub]a pussy snorkel[/sub]”
“A what?”
sigh " A Pussy Snorkel"
“I don’t get it. Why would a cat need a snorkel?”
Ohhh boy. This would be a good time for WW III to break out. Maybe a nice quiet tornado or fire. A terrorist attack on the thrift store would be just the ticket. Think clinical. Think how doctors explain medical stuff.
deep breath " No, Ma’am. This part here goes in your nose. You then put it over your head, adjust it here. It allows you to breath normally when performing oral sex on the woman of your choice."
silence
crickets chirp on the dark side of the moon. The sound is deafining
Stop looking at me like that! I TOLD you you didn’t want to know!
She drops it and walks off. I hurredly buy my spice rack and make my escape.
Half an hour later it occurs to me that I should have bought the damn thing myself.