No Deep Thought as such in this posting, but I hope you enjoy it:
The year is 1979. I was 17 and at college, my rock-climbing partner Tony and his parents invited me to join them, and some other families for a weekend camping and hiking. When we arrived at the site there were several families already installed in camper vans and tents, it was summer and everyone was having a great time. Tony and I immediately noticed that two rather attractive girls our own age were in the party. We made their acquaintance immediately. Later the four of us were left alone in one of the campers for several hours, naturally we all consumed significant quantities of alcohol.
Eventually the time for sleep came, so we all said goodnight and went to our respective tents. The two girls were in one, Tony and I had our own tents, and two younger kids were in a third tent near the girls. The adults were all in camper vans a short distance away.
Pretty soon (like 3 minutes later) Tony and I decide this situation has room for improvement, so we visit the girls in their tent. They welcome us happily, and pretty soon Sue and I are having very enthusiastic sex, while Tony is monumentally failing (due to massive beer consumption by both of them) to do the same with Liz.
Eventually we all reluctantly part company, and return to our appointed dwellings. The following morning I know there’s something wrong amongst the adults, but being hung-over, and still glowing from the previous night I don’t pay much attention.
A couple of hours later Tony finds out the awful truth: The two kids had got scared of the dark earlier in the night, and had exchanged places in the camper van with Sue’s parents. So… Sue’s parents were in the next tent during the whole event. It took only a few seconds for a ghastly re-run of the previous evening’s pleasure to pass through my mind, particularly the enthusiastic humping noises, (“yes, yeeeessss, YYEESSS!!”), and especially the climactic moment “Ahhhhhhhhh Sue, baby, I’m coming, I’m coming”.
The Grand Canyon would not have been deep enough to accommodate me at that moment. It was exactly like that sickening perspective shift in “Jaws” when Roy Schneider’s on the beach, the shark attacks someone in the water, and the camera rapidly rolls away from him while they simultaneously zoom the lens in on his face. I spent a significant part of the day avoiding Sue’s folks, who had they been armed would have definitely made some holes in me. Amazingly, Tony’s parents thought it was funny. But it was not over yet…
Aftermath. Tony’s dad drives the two of us back to college. It was strangely quiet in the car. I go back into the college housing block a couple of minutes ahead of Tony and his dad, and meet up with some room mates, who ask how the weekend went. Naturally, being 17, I tell them the whole thing, but make great effort to divert maximum attention to Tony’s performance failure. At which point Tony walks into the room carrying his stuff. Mike greets him happily with a phrase I will never forget: “Hi Tony, heard you didn’t GET ANY this weekend - INCAPABLE!!!”. Tony’s dad appeared around the corner right then. Images of the Grand Canyon and a stony, emotionless parental face.
The only saving grace for us all was, when Tony’s dad made it to the parking lot, watching from the dorm window we all saw him finally double up in hysterical laughter. After a few minutes of this I thought we’d have to call an ambulance. What a guy.
