Hit on... at the tollbooth?!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

I’m of at least two minds about this whole thread.

On the one hand, I think of the basic standpoint of perhaps any male: “If you never ask, you’ll never find out.”

On the second hand, I think, “What the hell were these guys doing interrupting their jobs, endangering traffic, etc, to hit on women? That’s not a very good way to impress the women in question…”

Then I think, “But these guys obviously weren’t thinking ahead. They let their gonads rule and forgot about planning, presentation, or anything.”

“And they certainly aren’t thinking of the other person as a person either, just a target of ardor!”

“But what if they come from a different culture where this is normal and they don’t know any better? That would explain the toll-booth incident. Of course it doesn’t absolve the tollbooth attendant of the responsibility to learn the cultural norms of the country he is now living in…”

“And what about the idiot who was possibly breaking marriage vows to hit on someone else? Like that’s going to impress someone…”

“But maybe he was in an open marriage!”

“Was he acting furtively?”

“Construction workers wolf-whistling is sooo effective, too.”

The whole thing depresses me. Assholes like these ruin the reputations of all guys.

I hate dating.

22

Are you calling me false? :smiley: I’d settle for jolie laide.*

I wasn’t asking for trick lighting. Merely good lighting. Besides, the tabloids are full of unflattering candid shots of glamorous celebrities with the intention of bringing them down to ordinary people’s level. There was a thread here recently discussing at length the paparazzo shot of Eva Longoria’s mustache, to take one example. So anyone can be the victim of unflattering photography. You either get lucky when the camera comes out or unlucky.

Flashes just suck for portraiture. Better a crummy cell phone camera shot in available light than a bad flash. I think of flashes as acceptable for police forensic work. My sister is a professional art photographer in New York, she shoots in natural light, and her work is brilliant. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her use a flash.

Taking estrogen has been bringing much longed-for relief and softening my features, and I like my looks better now as things slowly progress. A recent pic of me does look good, even with no lighting at all. (Or maybe because of no lighting!) My friend posted it on flickr and commented “Looking at your pix i am moved by how beautiful a woman you are.” I said thanks for the compliment and she replied “It isn’t just a compliment.”

But some of us just feel a need for caution about releasing our images into the wild, whether out of shyness or security concerns. I’m like Guinastasia who is reported to be beautiful, but hasn’t offered any pix of herself. Some of us are just like that.

Complaining or boasting? I don’t know… I’m trying to decide. I have mixed emotions around that. I like getting validation as a woman, but not in a way that puts women on an unequal level. What is clear, anyhow: Hitting on anyone by anyone in the middle of traffic is just plain wrong.

Thanks, Ginger, you’re a sweetheart. My grandson is nineteen months and the cutest, smartest baby I ever saw. Seriously.

jolie laide:
This phrase is French, it does not mean what it looks like if read as English.* It means ‘both ugly and pretty at the same time’, and is meant as an oxymoron that describes a certain strange reality: Women who somehow look attractive without fitting recognized standards of beauty.

**I guess if I wanted to see jolie laide I could watch Original Sin.

23

Ah, it’s like the Two Face chick on that Seinfeld episode

All of my pictures suck… I just don’t blame the lighting =D

24

How long have you been taking it? Do you also take an anti-andogen?

All of the best pictures of me have absolutely no light in the room at all. And no flash on the camera.

25

Did I miss something? How is telling a woman she’s beautiful, hitting on her? I mean no pass was made, he didn’t ask you out or anything.

26

Almost half a year now. I have breasts.

Spironolactone. It’s not just for diuresis any more.

27

They also are pretty much used to having guys check them out ans say stupid crap, and don’t need to announce the event.

28

I haven’t mentioned the many other times men and women have told me I’m beautiful, in a respectful way. Recently I was walking from a bookshop in Adams-Morgan (around the corner from where I saw the drumming), loaded with books, and this man did a doubletake. He told me I was beautiful and asked me out. I told him I was married, and he was a gentleman about it. I wasn’t going to mention that incident; I found nothing objectionable in it. Ironically, I had just bought lesbian books…

The problem I had with the toll collector was 1) Obstructing traffic; 2) Goofing off on the taxpayers’ dime; 3) The stare, which was used in such a creepy, invasive, domineering way. Anyone who thinks staring like that is the way to win my favor is in serious need of a reality check. It was more like he was establishing dominance over me, treating like an object instead of a person. Either treat me as an equal or leave me the hell alone.

29

So, an old Pakistani fellow taking a few extra seconds at the tollbooth to give you change while he tells you that you are beautiful is somehow disrespectful?

But a bloke bailing you up on the street and ASKING YOU OUT without prior introduction is cool? Wow. I’ve gotta say that my Flattery-Meter (if I had one) would have been rather reversed in those two encounters.

Oh, go on, you know you want to tell us. :rolleyes:

Is this meant to be a flirt thread that no-one else is invited to? :smiley:

30

The manner in which behaviors are done makes all the difference. The stare from the tollbooth was very disrespectful of my personal boundaries, regardless of gender or sexuality.

Whereas the bloke on the street totally respected my boundaries, did not give a creepy vibe or behave invasively, and clearly had some consciousness of how women want to be spoken to. In other words, he treated me as an equal human being, apart from objectifying me based on my looks at first glace. But I can’t get mad at him for the latter, it’s instinctual human mating behavior. It’s going to happen. What counts is how to handle that impulse in approaching another person. I liked him and was sorry to simply dismiss him without getting to know him, but basic security alarms are always triggered in me: you just do not go anywhere with a stranger you meet on the street, no matter how nice they are. Too bad it has to be that way.

In any case, I’m not up for extramarital sex with anyone. Just friendship without the proverbial benefits.

At Witchcamp, we’ve been so open about sexual attraction that we now have a familiar catchphrase: “The Thought of Having Sex With You DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!” Sometimes everyone chants it in unison because it’s a relief to skip the complicated mating rituals and just come right out and say it. It becomes possible in that space because of everyone trusting one another.

I think I’ve revealed enough of my private life already. The desire to talk about interesting things that have happened to me has to share space with the desire to guard my personal privacy or even security. Usually the latter predominates. I’ve been stalked based on statements I’ve made online.

I hope not, I suck at flirt threads. Not sure what you meant by that, anyway; by posting something on a message board everyone is implicitly invited.

Coming into my womanhood is one of the biggest and by far the most difficult thing ever to happen to me. Naturally I need to review my progress and see what is working. Although it’s mundane and pointless to the world–I’m pretty sure I put this in the right forum–it’s a big deal to me personally. So my OP has this in common with thousands of other mundane pointless stories posted in this forum, I fit right in.