"Hit On" By Person Of "Wrong Gender": How Often And How Did You React?

In My Humble Opinion
21

Several times

Being hit on by another woman usually freaks me out a bit but I ultimately take it as a compliment.

One time was really subtle, I was in my twenties and had planned a girls night out with a co-worker. At some point during the evening she asked me if I had ever considered making love to another woman. I answered honestly at some length and the answer was basically no and we continued or evening and our friendship.Until that moment I had no idea she might be gay or bi – in fact I was a bit jealous because all the guys I liked seem to have a thing for her.

Then my roomate “turned gay” and hit on me as soon as she came out. Shortly after that another really close friend did the same thing. Those incidents did disturb me a bit because these were close friends (at the time probably my two best friends, actually) and I wasn’t sure how to deal with the injection of sexual tension into the relationships.

Then there was the woman that wolf-whistled me on the street, followed by a positive review of some of my body parts. But she had intended to shock, that was obvious.

Then last year I was cornered by a woman at a party, who attempted to pull me into a clinch and stick her tongue down my throat. Weird, I had spent a few hours conversing with her and her husband and she made some excuse to get me off alone…sort of a come with me, there’s something I want you to see…but I did not expect that.

I dunno, it happens a lot…maybe people make assumptions because am attractive and never married.

22

I’ve been hit on a couple of times by lesbians. My reaction was usually bemused more than anything - but that’s how I react to anyone of either sex hitting on me. :slight_smile:

As for hitting on someone who wasn’t into my gender, my unrequited crush from university came out of the closet shortly after graduation. In retrospect, it should’ve been as obvious as the nose on my face that he wasn’t into girls… but back then I was too busy swooning over how well-dressed and cultured and sensitive and handsome he was. :smack:

23

“Good news, honey… she’s not going to shoot you down. Bad news, though… no three-way.”

  1. Happened to you, and how often? Not hit on per se, just told by a gay friend of my parents that all the gay men who had met me thought I was gorgeous. Huh.

  2. Freaked out, or taken as a compliment? Umm… compliment?

  3. Ever been the person “hitting on” someone who is into the other gender than you assumed? Once or twice.

  4. Want to share your story? Well, this one time, a friend of my aunt’s came out from New York to visit… that was the trip when I found out my aunt was gay.

24
  1. Happened to you, and how often?

Only once, though there was a guy at an old job of mine who flirted with me a lot, he never actually hit on me.

  1. Freaked out, or taken as a compliment?

Not freaked out, but made a little uncomfortable, more by the circumstances and the way he hit on me than the fact he was gay. He told me I had a “smooth face” and then asked if I ever “engaged in any homosexual behavior”. I told him no, and he said he did, and volunteered that he just got out of prison.

I felt complimented by the co-worker who flirted with me all the time, though.

  1. Ever been the person “hitting on” someone who is into the other gender than you assumed?

Yeah, a female friend of mine suggested I talk to this girl we both worked with because she thought she’d be into me, but it turned out she was a lesbian (not a trick by my friend, she didn’t know either until I asked her out).

25

I’m a straight male.

  1. Happened for real once, but I’ve been flirted at by men once or twice.
  2. Neither, really. Just surprised.
  3. No. I don’t hit on people. Just not that self-confident.
  4. I’m a fat guy with reddish hair and a full, very red beard. I was on the J-Church streetcar here in San Francisco, about 8 years or so ago. Just sitting in a seat, totally zoning out, staring into space. The car stopped to let people out, and, as the line of people passed, someone shoved a piece of paper into my hand. I sort-of did a triple take, and never saw the person who did it. The paper read “Hi! I love redheads and ‘your type’ - give me a call! Stefan (phone #)” I presume that by “your type,” he meant Bears. I was pretty surprised - I’m not the kind of guy who provokes much interest from the ladies, and I never really expected a guy to hit on me so brazenly. I showed the note to my wife, and we laughed. We still reference the note in casual conversation.

Joe

26

1. Happened to you, and how often?
Not for years. Of maybe it is the same as it is with women - I don’t notice.

2. Freaked out, or taken as a compliment?
Kind of freaked out.

3. Ever been the person “hitting on” someone who is into the other gender than you assumed?
Not that I know of.

4. Want to share your story?
Well, let’s see. Once I was on the elevator at work, and the other guy complimented me on my shoulders and asked if I was horny. It was only a couple of floors. Maybe he thought he had to be quick. I got off the elevator without responding.

There was the time I got a visitor’s pass to a local gym. Everyone seemed to want to spot me on the bench press. Then I saw the pink triangle on the wall. No one really came on to me, but I kept a firm hold on the soap.

Then in college, a rather good friend made a determined effort to seduce me. That was actually somewhat more awkward, since he was (is) a really good guy. It sounded really lame to say, “thanks, but no thanks, but if I ever decide to go gay you are first in line”. but I did really mean it. He took it well, not even trying to laugh it off as a joke, which was sincere of him.

Long dry spell since then. Maybe it’s the wedding ring. Or maybe I’m just too old.

Regards,
Shodan

27

  1. Happened to you, and how often?
    All the freakin time in college. Not so much now.

  2. Freaked out, or taken as a compliment?
    Neither. Meh.

  3. Ever been the person “hitting on” someone who is into the other gender than you assumed?
    Not that I know of.

  4. Want to share your story?
    There’s nothing quite like a guy taking your hand at a party and try to pull you into the next room with the line ‘Cmon, lets knock a few points off your purity test score.’

28

It happened to me recently. I am a guy who is into girls. Well, one girl, as I’ve been married since the late 20th century.

I live in a neighborhood where most of the guys who share an apartment with other guys are closer than just roommates. I walk down the street and think “That is not a fashion choice I would make,” knowing that my neighbors are looking at me and thinking “That is not a fashion choice I would make.”

I was meeting my friend to go for a run, wearing shorts and an old blue shirt that used to be an undershirt for a uniform (so it was a size smaller than I should be wearing).

A nice young fella stopped going where he was going to make nice but awkward conversation with me. I made nice conversation with him, scratched my eyebrow (I only have the one) with my wedding ring hand, and he said “have a nice day.”

I thought “I must be looking pretty sharp. Yay, me!”

29
  1. Happened to you, and how often?

Since I moved to my current neighborhood, all the time. I’m the token hetero on my street. :slight_smile:

  1. Freaked out, or taken as a compliment?

Compliment, with lots of surprise since I don’t see myself as all that attractive.

  1. Ever been the person “hitting on” someone who is into the other gender than you assumed?

Kinda. The guy who pursued me in uni came out to me while we were dating.

  1. Want to share your story?

There’s no particular story, but I’ve had to tell numerous ladies that they were lovely people, but I don’t swing that way. It’s usually good for a laugh “Sorry, I assumed that since you live here…”

Cheers,
G

30

It used to happen to me in college, but not recently. But my partner gets hit on all the time, by people of all genders, even when the two of us are together, and obviously a couple. Sometimes the person gets a little obnoxious. It doesn’t bother my partner, but it bothers me.

31

I’ve had a couple of female friends that may have been romantically interested in me. I say this only because in both situations, a significant number of mutual friends commented to me that they believed this to be the case. But neither one was openly gay, and neither one ever explicitly made a move on me.

And that’s IT.

Which pisses me off, by the way. Just about everyone I know has humorous stories about getting hit on by someone of the “wrong” gender, but I don’t have a single one, and given my age and marital status, I deem it extremely unlikely to happen in the future.

I’ve unsuccessfully hit on a number of gay guys, though. As I understand it, one guy I had a MAJOR crush on in high school is still telling the tale to his friends over 30 years later.

ETA: Oh, I would definitely be highly complimented if a lesbian hit on me. Because I would take it as not only a sign that someone found me cute, but that they trusted me to be the kind of person who, even if I didn’t respond romantically, would not hurt them with a “ICK YOU FREAK OF NATURE GET AWAY FROM ME” type of response.

32

Well, when you’re as fabulous as I, you find yourself being hit on by both sexes of all species—even a few of the more curious asexual ones (until you’ve been the recipient of a cnida-job by an amorous hydra, you ain’t lived, my friend). I take their advances as a compliment to my fabulousness and therefore try to accommodate their lustful yearnings, lest they suffer self-esteem problems secondary to rejection. I consider the resulting bites, stings, raging infections and monstrosity paternity suits to be merely the price I must pay for being a nice guy who just can’t say “no”.

On a more serious note, no, I don’t recall hitting on or being hit on by the “wrong” gender (only a plethora of Ms. Wrongs of the right gender). However, I would take any tastefully executed hit as a compliment, in all cases.

33

I’m a lesbian magnet. I am flattered when it happens. The nicest part is that they continue to chat with me after they find out I’m straight. I guess that means they’re interested in my mind, too. :wink:

34

Doesn’t really happen. I was at Disney’s Gay Day once with some gay male friends (I’m female). I had a very short hair cut and was wearing a burgundy T-shirt (the gay people were all wearing red). A girl came up to me and said she had a friend who thought I was cute, I told her I was straight, that was the end of it. I didn’t look around to see what her friend looked like.
Once a gay female friend was gushing about how cute some girl was, and I said indignantly, “What am I, chopped liver?” She said I wasn’t butch enough.

I guess I’d take it as a compliment.

Have I ever had a crush on a gay guy? Lord, yes. Lord. Yes. Oh my. :slight_smile:

35

If you include “being hit” with “being hit on”, then probably about 5 times in my life, starting with my first roommate in college, a lesbian who alternately tried to mother-hen me or shove me into a wall, depending on how drunk she was.

It has happened several times with customers, one of whom started stroking my back as I showed her some merchandise. The next time she came in, I was very careful to not allow her to get close to me.

To be honest, it kind of freaks me out and depresses me…not the fact that they are gay, but the facts that 1) I seem to attract very homely lesbians and 2) I’m obviously able to attract SOMEBODY, so why can’t it be a nice straight guy with a job?

I am always polite, but it’s gotten to be a bit of a joke amongst my coworkers, even the coworker who is really good friends with a lesbian couple (neither of whom shows any interest, thank goodness…that would make holiday parties awkward!)

36
  1. Happened to you, and how often?

Recently not that often, but I used to go to a gym whose patronage is largely gay men. It happened virtually on a daily basis.

  1. Freaked out, or taken as a compliment?

Neither, it was annoying quite frankly. I don’t like to talk to anyone at the gym and there is a reason why I wear headphones. My routine doesn’t really leave time for idol chit chat.

  1. Ever been the person “hitting on” someone who is into the other gender than you assumed?

No, not really. Usually by the time I hit on someone I know what the answer’s gonna be.

37

I’m about 99% straight as of last check and every time a chick has hit on me face-first it’s been unwelcome, but still, I don’t think it was unwelcome because they were chicks. It was part of the reason, but not THE reason. The reason was that every single one was fat (apologies), stinked (or either rank sweat or pot) and had the general manners one associates with truck drivers as featured in sitcoms (i.e., much worse than your average real trucker).

It’s nice to get a compliment, whether the person delivering it is someone I consider attractive or not. It can come from a little ancient lady: so long as it’s nice and sincere, it’s welcome.

It’s not nice to get insulted, bullied or told that “you just have to give it a try,” a line I’ve gotten from both genders. It’s not nice whether the attacker is male, female, in between, an Igor or the prettiest piece of meat to ever walk this Earth.

“Hit on” in a way that’s not face first, shrug. If it’s done discreetely (a hand that strays too far but which, once I inform it of where the limit is, doesn’t move over it again), I don’t even file it under “being hit on.” Again, it’s not about gender or about whether the person in question is available and attractive, or even about whether I’m in the mood. A lot of what makes the “hitting” ok or not-ok is whether it’s done with some style or with a brickwall.

38

1. Happened to you, and how often?
Went through a bi-curious phase in my late teens, due in part to a very good friend who came out to me. I went to a lot of parties with him and got hit on a whole hell of a lot at those parties. Probably a combination of being young, in good shape, and mostly straight. Used to happen all the time when I moved away for college too, though obviously a lot less than when most of my male friends (and their friends) were gay.

Where I live now it’s extremely unlikely. Given the amount of acceptance “new half” get in entertainment (a term used for men who present as women, whether just cross-dressing or transgender) it’s surprising, but there really aren’t many openly gay men in Japan. I’ve only met a couple of guys who I knew for sure were into men since I got here in 2000.

2. Freaked out, or taken as a compliment?
Compliment. There’s no reason to freak out, even if you’re totally not into the same gender. Since I determined that I’m not even bi enough to make the effort of serious flirting worth it, I treat being hit on by a guy the same as being hit on by a woman I’m not interested in. Fun, friendly, but firm is my default mode for those situations. It is a definite ego boost to know that people find you attractive, even if you’re not going to do anything about it.

3. Ever been the person “hitting on” someone who is into the other gender than you assumed?
Oh yeah. I’ve hit on at least a few hot lesbians. My lesdar is not as good as my gaydar. The growing popularity of the bi-for-attention-from-boys while I was still in school didn’t help the calibration any. I’m not a jerk, though, so I haven’t had any awkward problems from it that I remember.

4. Want to share your story?
I’ve gotten some unwelcome attention from women too, and it’s about as annoying and awkward as being hit on by obnoxious gay guys. The couple of times I’ve had real problems with being hit on were with guys who were way too persistent or forceful with their come-ons. There was a guy who worked with me when I was working in the mall. He invited me to stop by his place one day after work and probably only about 10 minutes after we got there tried rather forcefully to kiss me. That was a very awkward and confusing situation. I left, “lost” the paper with his number that he insisted I take with me, and avoided him after that. That little run in made me appreciate how women can get intimidated into doing stuff that they’d rather not. He was a lot bigger than me, and if he’d pushed for more than he did things could have gotten nasty.

There was also a leather-bear who came on to me at a party. Dude kept getting way inside my personal space. It didn’t take me very long to decide that I really didn’t like that, but he didn’t take a hint, or respond to polite refusal. Rather than get confrontational I used my ninja-like invisibility skills honed through many years as a former introvert and social outsider to disappear in plain sight and then avoided him for the rest of the evening.

On the more amusing side, when I first moved to San Diego for school, I asked a couple of people about a place to get my hair cut. I wanted something different from SuperCuts or some crap like that, so I asked for a place where, “the stylists have dyed hair, piercings, funky clothes, and listen to weird music.” I was directed to a place in Hillcrest.

While walking the few blocks from where I parked to the salon, I noticed that there were A) a lot of gay men, and B) a lot of gay men giving me appreciating looks and more-than-friendly smiles. I thought, hmm, that’s odd. Normally I get some gay attention, but I’m not used to the “chum in the water” effect unless I’m at a party where I’m the token straight boy.

I got my haircut and went back to the dorms, where I mentioned this to one of the guys who told me about the salon. He said, “were you wearing that shirt?” pointing to the shirt I’d gotten with my Macintosh.
“Uh, yeah. Why?”
“Rainbow. Gays. Duh.”
“What are you talking about?”
“The rainbow is a gay symbol.”
“Oh, I guess that would explain why I was getting so much attention.”

I knew about the pink triangle, but for some reason I’d missed the memo on the whole rainbow thing, or just didn’t connect it with the rainbow theme on the Apple logo :smack:

39

I hitchhiked a lot in my late teens and early twenties so it happened a lot. No big deal. Just said no. Never harassed. If anything I felt a little bit complimented, that’s all.

But I did wonder why the girls in my college weren’t noticing what these guys were noticing. Not one blatant invitation for sex from a female stranger. :confused:

40

*1. Happened to you, and how often? *
A couple (2 or 3) of times when I was younger - early 20’s
2. Freaked out, or taken as a compliment?
When I noticed, I just mentioned that I was straight and everyone got a laugh out of it.
3. Ever been the person “hitting on” someone who is into the other gender than you assumed?
Not as far as I know.
4. Want to share your story?
No story, sorry. Just a dude in a bar, you know?