If you’re single or otherwise on the market and you have a job that brings you into contact with the public, you must be tempted now and then to try to make a date with a customer/client/patron you find attractive. (In some, but by no means all, lines of work, there are clear ethical rules against this.)
If you do, what are the pitfalls? Never mind just getting shot down, what risk do you run of getting fired or reprimanded?
Is there any way to do it without seeming totally creepy and/or desperate and/or inappropriate? (I mean, to the object of your desire, not to your boss.)
What are your experiences? Have you ever made a date with a customer – or have you ever been a customer and made a date with a worker (the latter taking the initiative)? If so, how did it work out?
People date co-workers and customers all the time, but the key is to not just look at someone for the first time and then go all creepy on them and ask them out just because you find them attractive. You need to build some sort of a relationship with them over time or you’ll be labeled a jerk.
Not always a practical possibility. I’m a public librarian – some of our customers/patrons are regulars, some are not. The lady who catches my eye today might or might not ever come back to this branch again; if I’ve never seen her before, the latter is far more likely.
Well, if she felt a similar spark, she would probably make a point of coming back the the branch with the “cute librarian.” If she didn’t feel the spark, unfortunately you would almost certainly come off as creepy.
There may well be a policy about this where you work, though who knows if it’s followed. It might be worth checking.
In a retail establishment it’s not reasonable to forbid people from dating “the clientele” because that is essentially the general public. With something like a country club, you may see a policy in effect. A public library is a public service, unless there’s an explicit policy I would say you’re OK.
Wait, stop, hold the press, they were investigating a fully formed, free floating, vapor apparitian…this kind of thing doesn’t happen everyday! Come on now!
Funny that stolichnaya should mention country clubs - when I was in college I worked part time at a country club. Great pay, reasonable hours - good job for a college kid. One Sunday I was working as hostess for Sunday brunch when this fine looking guy walked in with a family I didn’t recognize. They had reservations so I checked them in - all the while trying not to check him out! Several of waitresses noticed him, too, and we were all wondering who he was because none of us had seen him before.
When his group got up to leave, I was cleaning up the hostess station getting ready to leave for the day. He stopped by, introduced himself (he was the grandson of one of the members) and asked me out to dinner the next night - he knew the club was closed on Mondays. Of course I said yes!
He was a student in Colorado visiting his grandmother for the Christmas holidays. We had a great time for the month he was there!
I have never made a date nor been hit on at work but, anecdotally, the people I have seen pull it off were pretty attractive themselves and had no problems with dating in general. The key might be to only approach those people who have given you unmistakably clear signals that they want you to approach them. Unmistakably clear in this case might start with subtle hints such as humping your leg like a dog and get more obvious from there.
From the reverse angle, I’m very squeemish about asking out servers, salespeople, etc, while they are on the job. First, I’m married. But more importantly they are in a situation where a) its part of their job description to keep me happy and b) they can’t just walk away and leave. Its such an unlevel playing field that it feels awkward and uncool. I worry that the sexy waitress has no interest in me at all, but can’t bring herself to say “no” for fear that it will affect her tip. So she just strings me along, unhappily for all.
“Hi, this is Dave. I rung up that sweater you bought at Dayton’s today. I thought you were really cute and I was wondering if you’d like to go out sometime.”
“How did you get my number.”
“Off your check.”
I don’t know if he still had a job after I talked to his manager. Creepy. Really creepy.
In my work, I don’t deal with customers, and my co-workers are pretty much all married, so dating is contra-indicated. However, I know several people who dated or got married to co-workers. Don’t know anyone who married or dated a customer, though.
:: edit time limit expired while adding another thought ::
In other workplaces, at my age, I would probably never ask out a server or cashier or whatever… too awkward, especially if you expect to return to that place. At 23, it’s tolerable. At 43, it’s creepy.
Not that it hasn’t occurred to me… back in the old days when I was in electronics school, I and my best friends of the time used to study late and go across the road to the Burger King for food. One of my friends ended up dating one of the staff there. It was easier when we were young and (in this friend’s case) handsome; he drew favourable female attention to what was basically a gang of geeks.
I was a college student at the time, working as the night LA in a subject department at a large urban main location.
There were plenty of young women my own age among my patrons, and many of them were the smart types that I dig.
In the couple of years before I met my future wife, I got (and gave) maybe a half dozen numbers, and went on a handful of dates.
I my five-step method:
Be studiously professional on the first visit. Listen very carefully to their reference questions and make appropriate suggestions for additional materials. IE, do your job.
If you’re attracted to them, make a mental note of the materials that they were looking for.
Given that they’re most likely researching a topic in your area of expertise, there’s a good chance that they’ll be back. If they come back, ask how their research is coming along (see point 2).
If they seem pleased that you remember them, crack a few tentative jokes during the reference interview.
Repeat steps 2-5.
Honestly, I can’t think of a better way to impress a smart chick than to help get her books.
While working in a casion, and flirting (as always) with the patrons, a rather cute young lady told me “give me a good hand and we will go for movie together” - considered to be part of the banter going on.
I gave her good hand, half jokingly arranged to meet the following saturday (unusally an off day for me) - and went on with the day. If my supervisor (standing around 3 metres away) had heard it was grounds for instant termination.
Both of us went to the movies that Saturday, neither expecting the other to show up. Got married 6 weeks later…now coming to 10th anniversary.
While working in a bar for new years eve, talked to many people. New Years day a girl comes back looking for me (not by name, but rather the “cute young guy”), bar man on duty recognises who she looking for but never take phone number :smack: (the barman was my father)
