Well, speaking as one public librarian to another I think I can offer a good response.
I married her.
I can’t say a lot of flirting happened, but I thought she was amazingly beautiful. She was a regular and had been coming in almost weekly because she actually thought I was cute (like Cisco, I’m only average). We talked a little bit. Only a small bit of conversation here and there.
Then we started hanging out after work and later she asked me out. We’ve been together ever since and I can’t imagine being with anyone else.
So as others have said. It all comes down to going slow and building a repoire first. Especially in our job. Some real serious whackjobs are library regulars. You gotta make sure you’re flirting with someone normal.
In the U.S., you would go to school for at least six months. Might be different in Scotland.
(I’m not a licensed massage therapist, but I know something about them, owing to recurrent pain and stiffness in the neck, shoulders and upper back which I’ve suffered periodically since the Bush I Administration. And believe me, when you really need a massage, there is nothing sexy about getting one; I generally clench my teeth, breathe hard, and just try to endure the pain. OK, maybe that sounds sexy to some of you . . .)
If you work at a public library, you’re probably in a union. And if you’re in a public employee union, someone, somewhere, at some time must have sent you the collective bargaining agreement. Go get it, and look up the discipline chapter. The grounds for getting fired or reprimanded should be there. They might, however, have some kind of language which is vague, such as “immoral” behavior. How you “hit on” someone can vary with regard to “morality,” (and is ultimately subjective, of course) so then you’d have to check out the public library’s history of discipline. Has anyone ever been fired or disciplined for saying something too personal to a patron? It might be hard to determine, because sometimes these things are hush-hush.
This is a completely separate, unrelated question. You can seem totally creepy and/or desperate and/or inappropriate in just about any situation, with anybody.
Yeah, I once ended up getting stalked by a patron. And I hadn’t even flirted with her.
I assume you mean rapprochement, and not “repo ire.” Repo ire isn’t going to get him anywhere; when librarians come to your house to seize overdue books, it isn’t a very harmonious situation.
I was posting in between reference questions, spelling takes a back seat to answering the weird woman’s question.
EDIT: Oh, and about the union thing. I’ve found that a lot of library workers aren’t part of unions either by choice or by no union being available when they were hired and no one’s thought to start one.
And personally, I think it’s almost impossible to be fired from a library. Theft is the only surefire way.
Did you read the whole post? I wasn’t talking about semantics; just a typographical error. It really doesn’t matter which French-derived word I offer instead of the typo. The point is that s/he made a typo which…oh…forget it…I give up. I’m going to the local taqueria for dinner…A very late dinner.
In my case, I’m not a member of our union (haven’t gotten around to joining), but I’m still represented by it and am employed under union-negotiated terms, including pay increases and benefits.
Rapport means the establishment of a close relationship with good communication and mutual understanding. Rapprochement usually—though not always—means that there’s some history, and it’s not good. Plus, it’s usually used for discussing nations, not individuals. Since we’re talking about establishing a relationship between people, rapport is more appropriate. b3tour could have been more clear, and less snide.
In my case, if it was a coworker it would be okay (if I weren’t already married). One of my students, on the other hand, would be a very bad idea. While I know of one Japanese teacher who waited four years for one of his students to graduate so that he could marry her (he was her teacher in middle school) I don’t think I’d be able to do that. On any level.
If I were to hit on a waitress or someone else who was serving me, I’d wait until the end of the meal/visit, after I’ve paid and everything, to try and close the deal. That way, I’m already on my way out the door, she doesn’t have to put up with me giving her unwelcome attention during the time she’s providing service, and things can conclude pretty quickly if she’s not interested. I’ve only asked out someone in that kind of situation a few times. Since I’m pretty good at reading signals they were interested and not just being professional, so every time I tried I’ve gotten a date out of it. Most worked for fun short-term dating, one didn’t.
The one that didn’t work too well was because she, from all indications, had a boyfriend that she didn’t tell me about and had planned to use me for sex. I didn’t quite get that at the time, so I didn’t get either the sex or a relationship, in one case because I moved too slow, and in the second because a relationship wasn’t what she was after. :smack:
