The only time I worked as a waitress, it was a trade - my friends and me were allowed to use the empty floors above a bar to hang out in during the local fiestas, in exchange for helping the cook and serving tables during the busiest times.
This bar was known throughout the region as a Bad Place To Get Stupid, given that the owners had met during a national taekwondo championship in which they were competing.
Stuff like saying “hey cutie!” when calling the waitress over wouldn’t even be classified as flirting, in Spain - it would be inappropiate in a silent restaurant but not in a crammed, noisy bar. But the one time a customer grabbed my ass I reacted instinctively, hitting him with my thankfully-empty metal tray. The room went silentish for a moment, the bartender (the taekwondo couple’s wife) asked “what’s going on there?”, I said “he grabbed my ass!”, she said “this isn’t a whorehouse mister, if you want to get food keep your hands to yourself,” and that was it.
In general, I find being hit on nice or un-nice depending not so much on where we are but on whether it’s appropiate for the setting and, well, in general how it’s done. Even “hey cutie” can be chop-his-bollocks-off-and-feed-them-to-him insulting with the wrong tone of voice.
So, in general. showing interest in or hitting on servers and guides and other people doing their jobs is a Bad Thing, because the other person is ‘trapped’ in the interaction and may be required to continue to interact with you. That’s what I’ve pretty much always thought, and I’ve never done it.
Pity, because the English-speaking guide at the museum in Montreal weekend before last was hot. I would have liked to ask her out.
I think Nava’s actually closer to the mark–be subtle and don’t be a dick about it, and there are times when it’s appropriate to chat with someone in the course of their job and times when it’s not, but if it’s not, it’s certainly not appropriate to hit on, either. Also, don’t let it color the remainder of your interactions with the server either way.
I’ve seen enough waitresses feigning interest in or flirting with their customers for the sake of the tip to be cynical about their complaints that they are trapped into being hit on for the sake of the tip. Leave people alone (socio-sexually speaking) at work is a good rule, but I’m not sure customers monopolize violations of it, and I’m pretty sure that within limits turnabout is fair play.
Me, I’m shy and discreet and very well-behaved around my favorite sex at all times. But I used to be (not so much anymore) of the same age and social class as many women in the service industry, and it’s astonishing how often the same person has behaved fawningly and flirtatiously toward me in a professional (when I’m deciding how much to spend and tip) context, only to snub or insult me in a social (when I’m offering something other than money) situation.
This did not lead me to behave badly, mind you. It merely reminded me of what I should be tipping for.
It’s boorish and low-class to “hit on” people who are helping you as part of their jobs. Beyond choosing to work in that particular place, they really have no choice but to be in contact with you. Have a little respect for a fellow human being and leave 'em alone while they do their jobs.
I never did like it when I worked retail, which is the only time it happened with any frequency. Perhaps that was due to the fact that it was always guys who, when I told them I had a boyfriend, would say, “He doesn’t have to know about this.” Or the guy who complimented me on my best features (my legs), which would have been nice if he’d done it by being a little less graphic about where he wanted said legs to be. Great way to embarrass a shy nineteen-year-old, though.
I never hit on salespeople or waitstaff, though, even if they’re really cute. But then I don’t really hit on anyone at all.
There used to be a guy in this office who kept hitting on me for a long time. He was at least twice my age, and I’m not exactly a spring chicken anymore. It was flattering the first time, dubious the second, and frankly annoying and uncomfortable after that. It went on for weeks, even after I told him “I’m not interested”, “I have a boyfriend”. The guy was never rude or invasive, but it was downright creepy after a while. He’d take the service elevator just to be able to wave to me.
I got hit on by the gate security guard. Kinda creepy. But there was also some sense on my side that if had been attractive, I wouldn’t have minded, so there was some sense of guilt on my part for being creeped out.
I used to hate being hit on in the workplace. I made the mistake of going out to lunch with someone who hit on me at work and he proposed to me the second time I saw him. From then on, I was really squicked out every time someone I didn’t know hit on me. Of course, now I work in a corporate environment, so that doesn’t happen. I don’t interact with clients like I used to, and there are sexual harassment laws. Plus, I’ve spread a bit with motherhood, so being hit on by anyone other than my husband is not really a concern.
At the beginning of my sophmore year in college, one of my cousins got married and I was invited. I had on a nice dark blue pinstripe suit and was at the reception, which was at a fairly nice golfclub outside of Philadelphia. Everyone was inside the clubhouse, but I wanted some air. I walked outside and found an open bar on a walkway outside that was completely empty. Except for the bartender, who was reading a book on that fine sunny day.
She had blonde hair, tied up in back, and light blue eyes, and was about my age. Something about her left me stunned. So I made conversation with her, ordered drinks, and spent about an hour as her only customer. (She had this sly smile the whole time that she knew that I thought she was really cute and was just amused by it.)
Eventually, one of my other cousins found me and pulled me back into the main room of the reception…but not before I stuffed 2 twenties, my entire poor college student budget for the week, into her tip jar. She just smiled & went back to reading her book.
I doubt very much if she even remembers that day, wherever she is.
When I was the lone female employee in a comic book shop, I had plenty of customers flirt with me, though none of them were very aggressive about it. I guess they didn’t want to chance getting cut off from the best shop in town if they got thrown out, and the male employees were good about keeping an eye on guys that seemed stalkery. This one guy who was a regular customer started showing up a lot more frequently after I started working there. Since he was a regular, he chatted with most of the clerks, but always found time to hang out and talk to me. Over a few months, he found more and more time to come in and talk to me. Finally the manager asked me if the guy was bugging me, and whether I wanted him to go away. I decided he wasn’t bugging me, and seemed cool, so I gave him my number. Our fourth wedding anniversary is in July, so I guess I made the right call.
