Married/ committed dopers, ever get hit on?

In My Humble Opinion
1

This has happened several times as of late and it’s really left me a bit confused, even befuddled if you will, about just how to file this away, even more so because each instance has involved the same woman.

I’ve been happily married for almost 10 years now. While everything isn’t always perfect, I am quite content. The mere thought of “messing around” has never entered my mind for an understandable variety of reasons, namely because I’m already happy, would never do anything to hurt my family, have strong moral objections to the very idea and, quite frankly, I could never carry off the deceit. It would, without a doubt, be written all over my face.

Feeling this way, my lifestyle is one that pretty much precludes the possibility of anything ever getting started in the first place. I wear my ring, don’t scan the crowds and limit my activities outside our home to work, neighbours, some church and shopping. No bars, just one night a year out with the guys, etc.

The “problem” though is in the shopping. I’ll stop on the way home and pick up groceries because I do a lot of the cooking and like everything to be fresh. It was during one such trip that I couldn’t help but notice a woman giving me an unduly long look, the kind that back when I was single would have set off alarm bells, gooood alarm bells. Thing is, this isn’t just any woman. Not that it matters but she is, in a word, gorgeous. Robin Wright Penn gorgeous with generous sprinkles of sultry for good measure. Strawberry blonde, California healthy, attractive figure, embroidered jean hippy gorgeous… and she’s been more forward each time I’ve seen her since. Yesterday, without going into details, she left me with no doubt whatsoever that there’s an attraction and, quite frankly, it’s left me a bit flustered. And I know from yesterday’s events that she’s married with kids too.

I’ve given this woman no encouragement. I know that everyone doesn’t come from the same emotional state, that some are not getting what they need at home and might be on the prowl. Were we both to have been single I would be doing my utmost to pursue this gal. But man, it just kinda freaks me out that someone will come up to an obviously married man and initiate what would almost certainly become an intimate relationship.

So, I’m not really able at this point to make any insightful comment about this, really just musing out loud because I’m still trying to sort out my thoughts. Similar stuff has happened in the past and my wife got very jealous so I’m hesitant to bother her with this. I don’t feel insulted per se but am not sure I’m relishing any compliment either. It’s just… weird.

Similar experiences? How did it make you feel?

2

Attraction and flirting aren’t cheating. You might have different views, and you’d be entitled to them, but many people wouldn’t consider a flirtatious encounter to be anything of note. Perhaps she feels that way too. It’s hard to say, really, since you do leave out these details.

3

Picture this:

I’m sitting in a pizza joint, with my wedding ring on, and a very pregnant Mrs Geek is sitting across from me. Now granted I was a lot thinner back then and I still had hair, but I still never considered myself all that handsome. And, I am definately not and have never been the flirty type. And yet, somehow, the waitress started hitting on me. Yes, while my wife was sitting there.

I thought it was funny. Mrs Geek is still pissed off about it to this day.

4

True, Waverly, for I felt I really couldn’t convey very accurately the body language, looks and the atmosphere during our conversation. She said she’s noticed me there and always looks for me, but even that carried less weight that just the “feel” I got. The whole thing seemed almost like an orchestrated dance.

Hey, I’m a friendly guy but even so, was just a bit unsettled by the encounter. To me she seemed to go beyond flirting and was genuinely questioning my level of interest. It left me wondering what I’ve done to encourage such.

5

There are a couple of customers at work who have hit on my or flirted heavily. I am courteous but not chummy. I sometimes get hit on at clubs, too. No big deal. If anyone asks me out or to go home with them or whatever, I just say that I’m flattered, but I’m married, sorry.

Mr. Lissar was at a club with me last year some time, and had a few women really heavily hitting with him. He held up his left hand, pointed to his ring, and said, “Sorry, but I’m married.” The one who was doing most of the talking held up her left hand, and said, “That’s okay! I am too!”
:eek:

6

I definitly get hit on more when I am in a relationship than not. I think part of the reason is that I am more relaxed and come across as more confident around the opposite sex, which is always attractive. That and when I am in a relationship I feel that I can have any woman, that it’s really not that big of a deal. That women want me and that men envy me. :stuck_out_tongue: Until it ends of course, then I’m just back to being the undesirable, un-dateable slob I actually am. :smiley:

7

It’s entirely possible you’re not doing anything to encourage it. She could just not care. Sadly there are people out there like that.

8

Nothing, possibly. My first thought was that the appeal was that you are married – she’s looking for a no-strings romp.

9

My first thought too. You are either “no-strings” or a “safe-flirt.” It could be that she just wants to exercise her chops on someone who won’t want to seal the deal.

10

Waitresses who flirt with male customers, in my experience, are doing it just for the tips. It’s not personal. They assume that the man is going to pay for the meal, and that he will be flattered and tip accordingly, even if the wife is miffed. I know waitresses who swear by this technique.

I’ve seen this backfire spectacularly when I go out to eat with my parents. Dad’s 65 and looks it. Doesn’t stop the 20 year olds from doing their flirt routine. But my mother handles all the money. She thinks it’s funny when they flirt with Dad, but she has a bias against women to try to use sex to get ahead. She’s also naturally stingy. She sends a message with her tips.

Dad has this routine when the bill comes. He refuses to take it from the waitress. He throws up his hands and says, “Oh no, I’m broke. You have to give it to Moneybags over there.” The look on the waitresses’ faces is priceless.

11

Well, there are lots of reasons to flirt, and only a few of them really involve the intention of getting physical. She may flirt with most men, because it makes here feel attractive. She may flirt with you because you blush or get flustered, either because she thinks that’s endearing or because she enjoys the control. She may just be looking for someone to talk to, and that’s the best opening she knows. Or maybe she really does want to get horizontal.

My advice would be to grope… no strike that… to just respond in whatever friendly way you are most comfortable with. I doubt she is looking for more than this. I’m sure you are a great guy, those are just the odds.

12

I can count the times that I am aware that I was hit-on on the fingers of one hand, regardless of what type of relationship I was in.

13

Lots of people think this, but if they were to watch their life on film, they’d notice it happens much more often than they thought. Reading body language and facial expressions are great skills. Of course, you would also realize that many people you think you get along fine with… well you get the picture.

14

Dude, if you ever hit a moment of weakness, can you share pictures? Please?

15

In the summers I used to stop in a neighborhood bar and catch a couple inning of the Cubs game if I was out doing stuff on the weeked. Once I got married and started wearing a ring I had to stop because I would always end up in situation like the one in the OP. The funny thing is that when I was single I MAY have been hit on 6 or 7 times in my whole life. I guess some girl like married guys, but I can’t fathom why.

16

Being married means you are capable of starting and maintaining a mildly stable relationship for a period of months, perhaps years. It means that someone out there was convinced that you are spouse material.

If resumes worked as well as a wedding ring does, unemployment would not be a problem.

17

I think I love your Dad. And your Mom.

18

Can someone tell me what it means to be “hit on”? No, I’m not kidding. I am a 32 year old married man and I would have no idea if a woman hit on me. The behaviors some of you describe happen all the time to me. Without gentital contact, it is all the same.

Please note, that I am especially oblivious case. I got together with my wife because I left my dorm room open one night by mistake and she was coming home drunk and decided to stop by. She was just kind of laying there in bed with me when I woke up and I hardly knew her. The next day, I wanted to ask her to a football game but I was scared because I didn’t know if she liked me. :smack:

19

I once had a guy hit on me REAL SERIOUS when my husband got up to go to the bathroom! It can throw you off balance.

20

Don’t worry Shagnasty, you’re not the only one who doesn’t when someone is hitting on them.

With the exception of blind dates, the guys I have dated I have asked out. My friends tell me that guys hit on me all the time, but I don’t see it!

I’m engaged now, so I guess its a good thing.
With “Shagnasty” as handle, something must have changed down the road. :dubious: