Ho Fucking Ho - December Mini-Rants

I’m pretty sure setters and retrievers are birders. They find, point, flush, and retrieve game birds. They are often bred for and trained to have a “soft mouth” so they don’t damage the birds they retrieve. My knowledge such as it is was gained by reading tween dog books. So you probably should take it with a grain or two of salt.

Another possibility is that these are not purebred dogs, but rather might be a mix.

If you see a couple of dogs and try to guess what breed they are based on some half-remembered physical traits you noticed in passing, it’s had to say exactly what they are.

And again, breed is no guarantee of behavior for any dog.

You may be right.

Still, I’m not betting any fingers on it…

Don’t! My point is that regardless of breed, judge them by their behavior. If they seem aggressive, stay away.

To me the biggest red flag is that they were being walked with muzzles. I’ve never seen a dog being walked with a muzzle in my life. That tells me the owners know the dogs are a problem.

Also, listen to your instincts. Human beings evolved over millions of years avoiding predators. If you feel something is wrong, listen to that feeling.

On a related but fortunately opposite anecdote, I was in my front yard earlier in the week setting up decorations ahead of the annual “Invite Too Many Fucking People To Our Small House For Christmas Eve And Stand Awkwardly Trying Not To Get In Everyone’s Way” party. Specifically, I had two inflatable decorations that I was anchoring into the ground (if not anchored properly they will fall over from the slightest breeze). A dude was walking a big dog on the sidewalk right in front of my yard, it was absolutely beautiful. I looked it up and the breed is a Samoyed. It looked exactly like this photo, same color and everything, except if anything it was fluffier.

Anyway, the dog pulled at its leash to go to me, and I put out my hand palm up to sniff. It sniffed my hand and went to me and just started to snuggle while I pet it. So sweet. The owner apologized and I said it was okay. He then pulled his dog away which started crying because it wanted to hang out with its new best friend.

So, I thought a “good neighborhood dog” story would be a nice contrast.

Awwww.

Muzzle training is a thing. Our three dogs are trained to allow a basket muzzle to be placed on them and to behave with the muzzle on and to accept treats while muzzled and drink while muzzled.

Here’s Simi proudly wearing a muzzle.


So, why train a dog to wear a muzzle? Good question. Part of the answer is that a dog should allow you to do anything that might be necessary in the future. Our dogs are all sweet pups, but if we had visitors who were dog phobic, they might appreciate our dogs being muzzled.

I muzzle my 8-month old dog when we’re out walking in the woods because he tries to eat everything – including mushrooms that could kill him. He poses no danger to anyone at all. Except himself. So he wears a muzzle for my peace of mind.

I live in hope that he will outgrow this behavior.

Okay then, I’ve just never seen it before.

Honestly I’ve never seen a dog in a muzzle in real life anywhere.

We had to muzzle our 4lb. Chihuahua at the vet. She didn’t like strangers, oh hell she hated strangers, and she didn’t like being poked and prodded. She was not at all shy about letting her opinion be known. It was hard for the vet to find a muzzle to fit her.

You have such a sense of humor!!!

Our dawg rolled in poop, the stinkier the better. It didn’t matter that she got tortured terribly afterwards (St Barnyard who hated water), she had to roll in poop.

She was big enough to allow in our fenced yard unattended, she knew how to ask to come in. We always brought her in when it started getting dark because of skunks. Some dogs get skunked and learn better…Brandy held that grudge all of her life.

How awful! I know some dogs do this.

My little delinquent doesn’t roll in poop, but he’ll eat deer poop if he finds it.

And once, he ate another dog’s poop. Which I found out when I dug it out of his mouth (I thought it might be a mushroom) with my fingers. Without gloves.

To be fair, the dog whose poop he ate enjoys a diet fit for royalty, so I can understand why he may have wanted to enjoy the feast… second hand.

Still, it wasn’t my favorite outing with him. And I brushed his teeth when we got home. Twice. After I washed my hands three times.

Heh, we had a big ole’ mutt who thought the 4lb. Chihuahua was a snack dispenser. We never could break him of it. Yuk.
Oh yeah, we had a white German Shepard at one time, if she got loose in the woods she rolled in any dead carcas she could find. Good times; dogs are kinda’ gross.

Ugh, that’s so gross. I had a German shepherd who was his own snack dispenser. But I broke him of the habit.

One word: Pineapple.

Did you stick it in the poo? I can’t imagine you got him to eat it.

In fact, he did eat it! I just mixed it up (along with the juice) in his regular food. He seemed to even like it.

But not how it came out the other end. The effect was immediate and permanent. He never ate his own poop again. < whew >

Genius, if I ever get another dog (doubtful) I will keep that trick in mind.

I can’t remember where I learned about it, but I will attest to its effectiveness as a poop-eating deterrent.

And I agree: Dogs is gross.

Our dog chews up her poop. I tried to figure out how to stop it and read about how sometimes dogs eat their poo because they don’t fully digest their food and they smell food in it. So I started giving her treats that made her poop unpalatable. (To her I mean.)

Didn’t work.

I figured out that it was because she wasn’t eating the poop. She just chews it up and spits it out as a disgusting sloppy mess and/or a bunch of tiny scattered pieces that are hard to clean up. Why? She can be an asshole. She knows that it makes things worse for us and she does it if she feels neglected, such as when we have to be out for a long time and she’s left alone.

So there’s no real solution, just accept that this is how she “punishes” us. Fucking hell.

Jee, that’s some weapons grade pettiness. Are you sure she isn’t a cat?