Hear, hear, brother. I’m female, and I was raised to behave like a lady. If I get to a door first, I’ll open it. I’ve also been known to wait a few minutes if I see someone not far behind with an armload of stuff or pushing a stroller, etc. and open the door for them. To me, it’s only polite.
I find men who open doors for me charming. When I was first becoming friends with a fellow who just may be my closest male friend, I thought it was sweet and funny that he would open my door of the car first. Especially since I knew he was married and there was no ulterior motive; just good manners. If a date doesn’t open doors for me, that’s not a mark against him, but if he does, it’s definitely a mark in his favor.
I also got fed up with a guy once when he didn’t open a door for me. I was swapping people’s old computers for new ones at one of my company’s clients when I had to install a new computer in a room which was only accessible by stairs. I picked up the desktop pc, keyboard, mouse, etc. and started up the stairs. As I started up, I noted a man on the steps behind me so as he caught up, I moved as far off to the side as I could and let him pass since I was moving a little more slowly. When he got to the door at the top of the steps, he opened it and let it close behind him. I wasn’t that far behind him, and I am a bit short. I also had my arms full of computer equipment. I opened the door myself as planned, and it wasn’t that difficult, but come on, would waiting a few seconds have killed him? :rolleyes:
Equal-opportunity, although when I’m walking ahead of someone, I’ll usually go through first, then pause to hold the door open until they get to it (unless they’re loaded down with stuff, of course) As for rushing around a parked car to open a door for a passenger, I generally only did that for women (particularly those I was dating). Men here don’t seem to usually hold doors for their wives or girlfriends, so doing so definitely earned me a few brownie points.
I’ve always been a door-holder, with occasional lapses when I’m distracted and don’t realize there’s someone behind me. It always annoys me when someone dashes in front of me to get through a doorway first and then don’t hold the door.
That being said, I have to confess to an incident from my college days. This was in the early 70s when feminism was on the rise and one of my female friends was very vocal about her independance and how she didn’t need to be “waited on” by any man. One day I was walking through the Admin Building and, knowing she was a little distance behind me, I deliberately did not hold the door open for her. I then turned to see her standing on the other side of the glass door, hands on her hips, glaring at me. I opened the door and made some smart-ass remark about how I thought she was an “independant woman.” She gave me one of “those looks” and stalked past me. It was a petty thing to do, and I later apologized (more or less) when she deigned to speak to me at the cafeteria that evening.
I am second to none in my disdain for radical feminism, and would be quick to go on a rant if I’d ever held a door for a woman and gotten a lecture on the evils of paternalism.
But you know what? I’ve been holding doors for women since I was 7 or so, and nobody’s ever given me a dirty look or a Steinem-esque screed. Most of the time, I get a “thank you.” At worst, I’m ignored or not acknowledged at all.
So… maybe such horror stories are real somewhere. Maybe the world is filled with bitter, ungrateful N.O.W. shrews who are dying to scream at men who dare to show a little courtesy.
It is a little unfortunate that even simple gestures have to be seen as an affront. I hold the door for people, say “Please” and “Thank you,” and try to be polite and cordial in everyday situations because that’s how I was raised. It may be old fashioned, but the behaviors are ingrained in me. If I hold the door open for you and you’re as rude as to berate me for the effort, please save your breath and don’t say anything at all.
I also hold doors pretty reguarly, and have never had anyone speak criticaly of it. Love the line about apologizing for treating them with respect and making sure it won’t recur.
I don’t run ahead to make sure I can get to it, but generally assume I will open the door if the opportunity presents itself. IME, several doors are sufficiently heavy that it is awkward for my wife to open them.
Heck, I don’t dive to be the first to serve myself at dinner, make sure I get the biggest slice of pie, or any number of other little things that indicate that I am aware of and concerned about others and am not solely concerned with my own convenience.
A wrinkle that I don’t think has been mentioned concerns revolving doors. According to my wife, who I think got it from Miss Manners or somesuch, the polite thing is for a guy to go thru the revolving door first, as it might be heavy for the woman to get started. Which can seem sota counterintuitive - being polite by going first.
I do think it’s sexist when a man only holds a door open for a woman. It’s ridiculous, and even if not malicious, it’s sexist.
OTOH, I hold the door open for everyone, if someone is right behind me, or if a person in, say, a wheelchair is trying to get through. Do disabled persons find this insulting when there is an automatic door thing there? It always looks so laborious to me, to have to go over to the door button, back up, go through the door, etc. It seems simply courtesy for me to hold the door open for them. Not like it’s inconveniencing me, and it’s making someone else’s day a little easier.
Men are also supposed to enter elevators first, which also seems counter to the “ladies first” rule. The reasoning is that should something happen to the elevator the woman won’t be the one hurt/inconvenienced.
As a woman, I never feel badly about a door being held for me if it’s someone who just happened to get there first. I don’t particularly care for people who act as though it’s an important task to do it for me, but it’s a door. It’s not a life or death issue and it’s nothing to get all worked up about.
The other night I went to a restaurant with a (female) friend and we reached the doors about the same time as an older (70s) couple and the gentleman opened the outer door for his wife and waved my friend and me through. I opened the inner door for the wife and motioned for the husband to enter before me, to join her. That’s the kind of thing that I do regularly, and I find that most people don’t think anything of it regardless of gender.
I agree with everyone who believes that this is common courtesy which has no boundaries based upon male/female roles, and it’s a shame that people have things so skewed that they’d see it as an insult.
I remember that door. I always held it open if I got to it and saw someone else coming, and I always appreciated it being held for me. It was a real bear of a door. One thing I was not sorry to hear was going to be done away with with the reconstruction!
I don’t expect a man to rush ahead of me and open the door, but if he’s in front of me he should hold it, and it’s nice to let me walk through first. It’s called being polite. I myself always glance behind me and if there’s someone within a reasonable distance - male or female - I hold the door open so it doesn’t swing shut in their face. Very often the person behind me doesn’t bother to say thanks, at which time I wish a curse upon them.
Today, I went to get a coffee and THREE men pushed their way past me and made me wait while they went through the door first. I was right at the door at the time and they barreled their way past me. WTF? Was Misogynists Anonymous taking a coffee break? Did I accidentally get served the Dunkin’ Donuts secret invisibility potion? Then going into work I held two doors open for the same woman with nary an acknowledgement. I guess she thought it was my job or something.
I am a feminist, and an equal opportunity door holder. I also was raised to expect gentlemen to hold doors for women. In fact, I have to admit that if a man walks through a door ahead of me, without holding it open first or at least holding it open after, I feel it’s a sign that he didn’t have proper raisin’. Same for anyone who opens the door for me in an ostentatious or attention-getting manner - also a sign of improper raisin’. Door-holding should be unconscious and ingrained. Good manners, if you will, like chewing with one’s mouth closed, and wiping one’s mouth on a napkin rather than the back of the hand.
IMHO, anyone who berates someone for displaying good manners and common courtesy should be hung from the nearest streetlight.
I live in the US South, and it’s pretty much expected here that a man holds the door for a woman.
Also we acknowlege that a young, able-bodied person ought to hold the door for an older or handicapped person. And someone with their hands free should hold the door for someone who’s lugging packages or pushing a baby stroller.
It’s pretty funny when you get a conflict, such as when a young man on crutches arrives at a door at the same time as an old lady pushing a stroller. They freeze up trying to figure out who should hold the door.
I love it when men open doors for me; I find it charming and polite, and I actually like old-fashioned manners. With other women close to my own age (meaning: not elderly), I always hold the door open after I go through (unless she has packages, baby, stroller, etc., in which case I hold it for her).
One thing I still can’t figure out is this: I’m a relatively young female. I’ve always been taught to open and hold doors for “my elders.” So what happens when I come to the door at the same time as, say, a 70-ish gentleman? His manners most likely cause him to open the door for me, but mine indicate that I should do so for him. I usually defer to his, because he learned his manners long before I did mine, but I always feel bad.
I read somewhere (don’t recall, it was a long time ago) that good manners are simply what make those around you comfortable. So I try to go with that. I try not to offend elderly gentlemen, or anybody else.
Female, and I hold doors for everyone if I get to the door first. I especially do this for patients at the clinic I work at.
Miss Manners states that in a business relationship, the etiquette is not divided by male and female, but by work supervisors vs. subordinates, so it bugs me slightly at work when men try to do courtesy things for me just because I’m a woman - but not enough to fuss over. What bothers me more is when men stand to the side in an elevator to let me depart first, and then get off after, but in the process make it difficult for me to exit through a crowd/narrow door/with my big briefcase. It would be more polite to step out of the elevator and then stand to the side slightly, holding the door open with your hand. If someone needs to get out and I’d be in the way, I try to step out of the elevator when possible.
I was recently in Georgia at a business conference, and the male friend I visited while I was there opened my car door for me. Charming, but certainly not necessary unless I was perhaps wearing a skirt that made it difficult to disembark from a car without some arrangement (I wasn’t).
