Holding Doors and Opening Doors... Ladies and Gentlemen

In My Humble Opinion
41

No, you’re not terribly old fashioned.

Yes, if I’m the first person to the door, I hold it open for those behind me. I don’t expect people to open them or hold them for me - but I’m appreciative when they do.

(I’ve never had anyone object, although one man seemed a bit flustered - we smiled, he went through the door. I wasn’t trying to prove anything, I just got to the door first.)

It’s a courtesy. It’s nice when people do nice things for you. It’s nice to do that for others (regardless of gender)

42

I’m another equal opportunity door holder. If I arrive at the door at the same time with someone else, male or female, I will hold the door open. If the other person is a couple of steps behind I will normally hold it for a woman but walk on through if it’s another man unless he has his hands full or is handicapped. If the other man is close enough I will hold it open untill he reaches it then go on in.

I’ve never been criticized for holding a door open for anyone.

43

I ran into a similar situation on the bus when I was younger; I stood up to give my seat to an elderly gentleman, but he wouldn’t take the seat because he was raised with the idea that men stand when the bus is crowded. I felt a little self-conscious for offering him my seat when he wouldn’t take it; I suspect he was in the wrong in this case - he was kind of a hazard for people around him because he couldn’t stand very well. I guess he wasn’t willing to admit he was as diminished in capacity as he was.

44

Thank you all for posting! It is reassuring that I am not living in the previous century and that my son will not be an outcast for opening doors for people.

Door opening and holding of doors has always been an equal opportunity thing for me. The place where my dad’s influence as a gentleman really shows is when I switch to the traffic-side when walking with someone so that I am between her and any traffic. That became so second nature that I was caught completely off-guard by a girl I was with who noticed it and said that the only person she knew who did that was her dad. The best part was that later that week when we were walking to the theatre a passing car sprayed us as it hit a small puddle. Not a single drop reached her although one side of my pantleg was soaked. :slight_smile: Her dress was a lot more expensive than my suit was.

45

I’m another equal-opertunity door holder. If I get there first, I’ll hold it open for someone who’s behind me. If I see someone who obviously could use a hand (arms full, pushing filled up grocery basket, etc.), I’ll wait a bit to hold it for them.

I don’t expect anyone to do the same for me, but it’s nice when they do.

<< All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
>>

46

I too am an equal-opportunity door opener. :slight_smile: In fact, I have a funny story that just happened to me on Monday. I was shopping at a strip-type mall, where all the stores open outdoors (very usual, I know, and really annoying to have to keep going outside to get to other stores, btw!). I was walking from one end of the mall to the other, and a FedEx truck pulled up in front of a store just as I was passing by. The deliveryman had several large packages, so I got the door for him and held it. His partner in the truck grinned at me, and told me, “Now you’ll have to follow him all day and open doors for him!” I laughed and waved, and kept going. About halfway down the strip, the truck pulls up again, I looked at the guy, laughed, and just held the door for him, then waved good bye. Or so I thought! I ran into them again, but that store had automatic doors. So I just waved and smiled to them–it was a pleasant encounter, and I was glad to have been able to assist someone. For me, it’s just common courtesy, or what some would call “manners.” I must admit, though, that if someone is ahead of me, I’m carrying packages, and they do not hold the door for me, I do not go out of my way in the least to hold any doors open for them in the future!

47

I hold doors for anyone behind me. It’s the nice thing to do.

I’m 17; I don’t think it’s old fashioned, I think it’s polite.

48

nearly equal opportunity door opener here. I notice I do tend to do so more often with women even when i’m in a hurry.

49

Another equal opportunity door holder, though I was raised to always hold the door for a lady (though running ahead to open a door seems more awkward than polite, IMHO.)

I was on a business trip to San Jose a few years back, right at the end of the dotcom boom. While the people I met were friendly enough, it seemed that a lot of people tended to be impersonal towards strangers (traffic reports that mentioned fistfights at the San Jose airport might have contributed to this impression.) I decided to make a point of holding the door for everyone to see what kind of responses I would get. Generally, the men seemed confused for a moment before they went back into the shells of their private life; one or two said thanks. The women, almost as a rule, smiled and seemed charmed (good word, cjhoworth) by the gesture. No one complained.

50

I hold the door open for anyone, boy or girl, cat or dog, but not for the crazed katana-wielding samurai chasing after me…

I think it’s polite, and especially thoughtful if the person behind me has his/her hands full…

51

I would have let her open the second one herself, then. That burns me up when people can’t even have common courtesy.

I hold doors for everyone. It’s just habit.

Ava

52

I’ve been known to mutter “bitch” or “asshole” to the person in front of me who lets the door shut right in my face. That’s not only rude, it’s completely clueless.

I always smile, look the person in the eye and say thank you as I pass someone who holds the door open for me. I always at least hold the door behind me for someone, and if their hands are full, I’ll try to get the next door.

At work, most guys will hold the door for women. They’ll also let women get on or off the elevator first, sometimes to the point of making it difficult on them to do so. :slight_smile:

53

I have a question about the work place . This one situation really bugs me. For some background: I’m an equal opportunity door holder myself, and female. I appreciate when anyone (m/f) holds the door for me. I’m in the military, and I have some rank.

My problem lies with the nature of my work. With all the talk about women not being suited for military (there have been some threads here), I do not wish to be singled out in anyway for my sex. I don’t think that women are suited for combat roles, but they should also not be thought of as …well…women. I’m not talking about general, polite door holding, either. There is one man who is my senior, and from time to time I ride in his car, walk with him, etc. I believe that as his junior, I should be showing him deference, but he insists on walking me to the door of his car, shutting it behind me, holding every door, essentially being the perfect gentleman. I do appreciate his actions, but I feel they are inappropriate since I believe that women should not be treated any differently than men in the military. I also dislike my (male) juniors doing the same thing–by setting me apart by their “chivalrous” actions, they are in effect saying that as a woman I need extra help. (I am only addressing overtly chivalrous actions, not politeness). But my role is to help THEM, train THEM, make a man out of them. (So with this last statement, maybe I should be training them how to treat their girlfriends/wives)? I’m just kidding.

To sum this up, I have discussed this with my juniors, and they know where I stand, but I don’t really know how to bring it up with the first man. He doesn’t do it with anything but respect for women, and not in an obnoxious way. But, it seriously drives me nuts.

54

Hmm, interesting point, Seldon. Are you a woman first, or a member of the military first? I would say a military member, but your senior (and some juniors) seem to treating you like a woman first and a military person second. That doesn’t seem right.
(BTW, I’ve always liked it when senior officers on Star Trek were addressed as “Sir” for both men and women. Women are not Commanderettes or Captainesses.)

55

Definitely an equal opportunity door-holder here. I do like the two repartees provided. Fortunately I’ve never had occasion to need them.

Seldon, are you sure that your superior officer isn’t trying to tell you something?

56

Featherlou,I believe that I should be military first, woman second. And, I like the Star Trek thing too, I think it shows right away that this issue can be dealt with.
Qts, I think I should have been a little bit more clear about the senior, he does this to all the females.

57

I’m with Miss Manners on this one: whoever gets to the door first opens it, and holds it open for anyone following. It’s just common courtesy and common sense., i.e. “common” meaning not limited by gender.* (Obvious physical infirmity, okay, but even then it doesn’t require making a Busby Berkely production of it.) Basic courtesy is rare enough. Why endanger it further by microscopic analysis for one-upsmanship or putdowns?

But Seldon raises an interesting point. Maybe this isn’t as common in other countries–I honestly don’t know–but at least around it seems like we’re evolving new rules for business versus social courtesies. It can be confusing. Example: I set up a meeting over lunch at a local restaurant with two men. Good food, got some things settled, all was easy…until the check arrived. I’d arranged the meeting, it was on my “turf”, so I was the host and by business protocol was ready to pay for all the meals. But one of the men insisted on paying for my meal. Not the other man’s, just mine. He’s a very nice man of, shall we say, an older generation who just couldn’t bring himself to let a lady pay for herself, much less him.

This sure wasn’t a major trauma or footnote in any purported gender war. It was just awkward. Social and business protocols conflicted. I suspect, as with many things, it’ll just take time to settle out. All of us are muddling our way through. In Seldon’s example, maybe just talking to him might be best. (Aside: the older gentleman in my story was a retired Army colonel. Maybe something about military life fosters that kind of visible respect? :slight_smile: ) But maybe you could explain, deferentially, how even routine courtesies can send mixed signals that confuse command roles? Maybe if he understands the broader reason for abstaining he’ll still know you’re appreciative and grateful for the graceful impluse behind the gestures.

Veb
[sub]* I still melt when anyone, of any gender, age or description, opens a door for me. The person gets my best smile and a “thank you!” But okay, there’s a little extra frisson when it’s a gentleman. [/sub]

58

Yet another reason why I think the guy my sister married is a dick. He’s been along with her and our mother while shopping, and after checkout Mr. Big and Burly just strides on ahead, leaving them to carry packages and open doors. Another illustration of the fact that he’s a self-absorbed jackass.

Mr. S, on the other hand, always carries the bags and unlocks/opens my car door first. And he’s always polite to my mother. :slight_smile: I think I’ll keep him.

As for strangers, I’m not crazy about those who hold the door when I’m not even there yet. That seems a little much. Although if it’s a little old man I’ll cut him some slack.

59

For me, it’s like this:

I’d hold the door for anyone. Most of the time, I end up giving the door an extra push as I pass, rather than standing to the side and letting the person behind me pass first. This is because, usually, it’s much too…strange (awkward would be the word, I suppose) to go so far out of your way to hold the door.

However, I will do so if I am the one opening the door and the person is right behind me because then it’s the more sensible thing to do. If a person is old or in some way disabled, I would always hold the door from the side and let them pass first (unless I’m already inside and see them coming behind me–then I try to hold the door open from the inside [standing to the side, inside the room/building] long enough for them to get there and let go of the door at the moment when, at the time the door shuts, they would already be inside).

Also, I don’t mind someone holding a door for me and I don’t expect a “thank you” when I hold the door (although it’s nice), but when you’re going through doors repeatedly and someone keeps holding doors for you from the outside, it becomes uncomfortable (it would also be weird if I had to repeatedly hold doors for someone).

As far as distances go, I’d say about ten to fifteen feet for a walking person, 20 to 25 feet for someone who is running. Sometimes, one might have to slow down a little as he/she approaches the door and open it a bit slower than usual so that the door-holder doesn’t have to be in an awkward situation where both he and the person behind are embarassed.

Once, I was coming from the side and a woman with a package asked me to hold the door for her. I, of course, obliged, but was put in an uncomfortable situation: the door opened toward her, so I would have had to go around her in order to open. Plus, she was standing so close to it, that she would have had to move away for me to open–and it didn’t like she was about to take a single step from her current position. Now I had a choice: I could either go around her to open it, putting me in the aforementioned position, or I could have gone in and held the door from the inside. But this, too, was a bad idea since she had expressly asked me to hold the door for her.

Um, yeah.

Someone could write a whole book about door-holding.

60

last para. : “…in order to open it.”

“…it didn’t look like she…”

[sub] In case you haven’t noticed, I am mentally unwell. :wink: [/sub]