I’d probably go with a machete, but I’d also consider a pitchfork or a brush cutting tool (dunno what it is called) that looks pretty much like a smallish halberd.
I should have pointed this out, but a few other rules of Home Depot Thunderdome, (which airs every night on FOX, 8 PM sharp) are
-
If you refuse to fight or attempt to leave the Thunderdome without defeating your opponent you’re burned at the stake. So sorry. You must fight.
-
Every winner wins a million bucks. If both contestants die of wounds sustained during the fight before one can exist the Thunderdome alive, the winner is either
2a. The contestant who clearly killed the other one first, or
2b. If it is unclear who died first, the contestant who fought the best, as voted upon by a panel of celebrity judges.
If the winner dies before being able to sign the paperwork to receive their winnings, the money is awarded to a party they designate prior to the bout.
[QUOTE=Oakminster]
I’d probably go with a machete, but I’d also consider a pitchfork or a brush cutting tool (dunno what it is called) that looks pretty much like a smallish halberd.
[/QUOTE]
Some call it a sling blade, I call it a Kaiser blade.
Nice! You’re essentially playing as a spellcaster.
This propane torch kit would be interesting. Certainly, the other guy would probably be unexcited about getting too close to me. Looks like it produces a pretty sizable flame as well. I don’t know how well I’d be able to lug around the tank and chase a guy, though.
Gotta go for the mattock.
Although the long distance wasp spray is cool, but then you’d have to kick the dude to death.
They sell it in a 12 pack. Maybe I can drown him. Or bludgeon him with Can #12.
Is modification allowed (removal of safety mechanisms, sharpening)?
A lawn mower is probably too heavy to wield effectivley, bit this with the edger might work:
How big a flame can you get out of this?
http://www.homedepot.com/p/Lincoln-Electric-Port-A-Torch-Kit-KH837/205380140
Brian
Modification of items is not permitted. (I mean, given some time in a Home Depot, you could construct a goddamn trebuchet.) The item must be used as it would be sold, though of course, if applicable, the item will be removed from packaging prior to the fight and will be assembled and, if it is a machine, in working order,. However, machines (like lawnmowers) shall be assembled exactly as per instructions for normal use. All de-packaging and assembly will be performed by the production staff of Home Depot Thunderdome, so the contestant has no opportunity for trickery. The production staff of Home Depot Thunderdome <TM> will also ensure your weapon is not broken. The inherent quality of the product cannot be guaranteed - if your kaiser blade snaps when you try to block your enemy’s attack because the Chinese manufacturer just didn’t make it for that purpose, too bad - but you will not be accidentally handed something that was broken or malfunctioning out of the box.
There is no rule saying you cannot attempt to disassemble or reconfigure a machine after the battle begins, but as you cannot bring any tools with you, and your opponent will be charging at you, screaming and waving THEIR weapon of choice, opportunities to MacGyver up a fascinating new weapon will be rather short in duration.
How do the people come to find themselves in the ThunderDome?
Are they kidnapped and then shown a quick video on the rules and tossed in?
I could imagine that for any given set of contestants, it might take a while before it sinks in that it’s kill or be killed. Maybe you could even lull your opponent into believing you intend to cooperate in an effort to escape, or at least die honorably by committing mutual suicide or something–while you work on removing the cover from the lawnmower.
I see a 1 inch steel security door that weighs 75 pounds. Seems to me that against the weapons listed thus far, the bullrush and flatten gambit would be a pretty good bet.
Couldn’t they just jog away until you exhaust yourself?
Yeah. I wouldn’t really need to chase them, though, right; the million bucks goes through me and my riot shield.
If you just stand there with your door, and your opponent just stands on the other side of the room waiting for you, then you both die, right?
If we’re not trying to fight, then it looks like. But I wouldn’t be the one running away, at least. I think I could slowly advance with a 75 pound weight for a fair amount of time. Plus 30x30 isn’t so vast that I’d think it would be impossible to get a good 5 yard sprint at them while they hopped away.
I guess there’s really only one way to find out. If I don’t report back on Monday, then I was wrong.
At $1,000,000 a pop I think you might be surprised how many people will volunteer for a fifty-fifty shot at either solving their financial problems or… solving all their problems.
Actually, now that I think about it, the show’s doubtlessly staggering popularity could lead to sandbagging and de facto professional contestants. If you and I stepped into the Thunderdome armed with whatever looked best in Aisle 32, it would be a hell of a show but very amateurish. The results could be quite unexpected. However, once the show has been on awhile, people applying to be contestants will, inevitably, begin to train with their weapon of choice. If you’re going to be on you’ll try out different weapons, choose a favourite, and train with it. (The dandelion picker looks like a good one to me.) You might even hire an expert in martial arts to train you in a salle d’armes. If your opponent did not engage in similar preparations their odds of survival would be terrible.
Since Home Depot Thunderdome ((C) all rights reserved) tries to match people evenly contestant would therefore have a perverse incentive to lie about their physical fitness and prowess with weapons. I’m not sure how to deal with that. I’ll put some thought into it.
[QUOTE=Richard Parker]
If you just stand there with your door, and your opponent just stands on the other side of the room waiting for you, then you both die, right?
[/QUOTE]
Eventually you’ll die of thirst. The show can be edited, so if two people decide to play the Who Dies Of Thirst First game, it doesn’t have to be broadcast.
I guess it’d be really boring for the studio audience, who came to see blood. However, just going by game theory and probability, I think one person’s going to decide the rational course of action is to slay the other.
That sounds like an interesting thread in itself.
But my point was different. If you allow volunteers, then you cannot stop people from training in advance. If I can train for a decade in advance, that might change my weapon choices.
So they run around to the non-door side of you. Even if you can somehow swing the door around fast enough to stay between you, you certainly can’t maneuver it fast enough to also push him over or anything, not with you moving a 75lb door and him carrying a 4lb machete. So now he’s standing right on the other side of the door, close enough to grab, and it’s not really your door anymore.
And he still has the machete and you don’t.
There’s a reason real shields didn’t weigh 75 pounds.
Definitely right choice is machete: light and short enough to maneuver even in close quarters, strong enough to block spears or clubs, heavy enough to do some blunt force damage on the backstroke if necessary, but a lot more damaging on the front stroke than a hammer, and harder for the opponent to grab and wrestle away. Weight is too far toward the tip to be a really good sword, but still better than a hammer.
Pre-gunpowder, people made clubs, axes, or spears only when they didn’t have enough good metal for a sword, they were in one of the few limited situations where a wall-of-spears made sense, or their opponents had so much good steel armor that a specialized armor-piercing weapon was needed. None really apply in
I assume a steel security door doesn’t come stock with shield straps or any other way to carry it “shield style” so it’d probably make a terrible shield in practical use.
A long length of link chain from the cut-it-yourself spools. One of my arms would be wrapped up like a gladiator arm shield, and my other would have a long length with a tangled bunch on the end for a whip/flail type of thing.
If allowed enough length, I may even be able to Michelin-Man myself completely in chain, an impervious lumbering link tank laughing as chainsaws anemically bounce off me.