I can’t decide between a 1/2" steel pipe, 6 ft long, or a 14 ft. long tree pruner.
I think this is the winner. Looks like they have washers that go up to 4200 PSI. That could do some serious damage, and you have better range than anything else.
Six pack of bug bombs. I might not “win” but I’m taking you down with me.
Do they require an external water hookup? Might have trouble finding a spigot in the HD Thunderdome.
That is exactly what I was thinking as well; last time I was at Home Depot, I took one off the rack and sort of waved it around, thinking just how martial it seemed, without realizing that the “ditchbank” is basically the old 14th century “Bill” that English infantrymen used, which was actually an agricultural implement repurposed as a weapon anyway.
Maybe instead of a door for a shield, go for complete protection and cloak yourself in a small refrigerator. Open the door, stand facing away from the opening, and pull it onto your back, essentially enveloping yourself in the fridge compartment on three sides. The fridge door would be a shield, and if you were to whip your body around quickly, the freezer door on top would swing around as a sort of bludgeon. It’s not the most practical weapon, but think of it as analogous to an animal fluffing itself up to look big for intimidation purposes.
If you peel the gaskets off the sides of the shelves, there might be some sharp edges to use as an admittedly awkward blade. And if you’re allowed to have the water hookup, then you could scatter ice cubes to make your opponent slip. Finally, after killing your opponent and cutting out his heart, you could keep it cold for preservation, especially if you didn’t want to eat it all right away.
This is starting to feel like an unconventional-materials challenge from Project Runway.
I don’t know that it would disable your opponent quickly enough, though; it’s not a light saber. (:p) If he’s willing to risk a burn, he could step in somewhat readily and cut your hose. In general, it seems like it would be hard to immobilize him long enough to sear him to death. A gruesome way of killing your opponent, to be sure.
I wonder how many of you will make it… Beyond Thunderdome!
I think I’d dual wield axes. A smaller hatchet that could be used for ranged attacks and larger, heavier one for CQC.
Maybe an acetylene torch would work better?
http://www.popsci.com/sites/popsci.com/files/styles/medium_1x_/public/import/2013/images/2009/10/flame.jpg?itok=irNvfkB7
I’m going to keep it simple, and go for a nice 6’ length of inch-diameter oak closet rod. I’m sure it’s not the most effective weapon overall, but it’s at a nice trade-off point of reach and wieldability, and it has the tremendous advantage that I’ve actually trained a bit in how to fight with one.
That, I think, is the key. Without some training or practice, just about anything you pick is going to be problematic. A weapon you know how to use is better than a “better” one you don’t.
I’m tempted to go simple and go with a length of PVC pipe, 2, maybe 2 1/2 feet. I don’t know if it has the durability for a killing hit but it’s enough to knock someone silly, and after that things should be easy. It’s also lightweight, which is a benefit because I plan to run away, a lot, from my opponent if he’s carrying any heavier.
Or a long screwdriver, basically a shiv.
Quercus probably has the right of it, in that the most efficient choice is probably a machete. I don’t think I’ve ever seen one at my local Home Depot, but I’ve also never gone looking. When I was in Santa Fe, a small village in Panama, a local store was selling really nice carbon steel machete for the equivalent of about 2 bucks. I really wanted to buy some but figured that getting those past security might be a hassle.
The machete linked upthread said “Pickup today” so it must be in store.
In case you don’t like the machete but still want to the obvious weapon route, there’s gardening knives you could buy. Probably beats trying to stab someone with a screwdriver.
I’m guessing stuff like this is disqualified. Otherwise… bingo!
Actually, that knife set (and others I found) aren’t sold in stores and thus violate the “found in a well-stocked Home Depot rule”. Oh well. Back to the gardening implements.
While it’s a good idea it violates the rule that you may have just one item.
I’ll also have to rule on Jophiel’s knife set as being disallowed, even if you can find it in store. A “set” of items violates the spirit of the one weapon rule (as would, say, a two for one deal on axes.) You can choose that set and bring in one knife from it, though.
Pitchfork.
Y’know, on thinking about it… They might not sell forklifts, but the Home Depot near me does rent out pickup trucks. A 30’ by 30’ room is too small to use a truck to its full potential, but it’d provide a lot of protection from most of the weapons mentioned so far, and you’d only need to get one good hit to crush your opponent against a wall.
I propose the 30x30 room closes 5x5 feet every 5 minutes, preventing stalling.
A lot of the weapons proposed use wooden handles, Id be afraid of the stems breaking during combat; fiberglass handled weapons would much more trustworthy.
As for my nail gun not being powerful enough, I know someone that disagrees with RickyJay!
A bucket of sand. I mean, a machete is great and all, but pretty much whatever the opponent picks I can fight dirty with a bucket of sand.
HeeHee…I engineer these! Serously! And we have SPED - the Special Products and Equipment Design department. We can build some INTERESTING stuff!
I was gonna go with the hornet spray, but maybe the pressure washer would be better. I dunno–getting sprayed in the face with either would be pretty uncomfortable. The hornet spray would give me a little more time, as I could run backwards spraying at the opponent’s face, whereas the pressure washer makes me immobile most likely.
If someone gets poison to the face, they’re going to have a hard time fighting effectively. Keep up the spray, and eventually whatever weapon they chose becomes my weapon instead. If they can get to me before I can get a good shot at their eyes/nose/mouth, though, I’m hosed.