It’s too bad the wasp spray isn’t actually a can full of wasps. Because spraying wasps at an enemy would be fun.
I get that the prize might be awarded, but it’s sort of like last year’s American Ninja Warrior where they awarded the title of “First American Ninja Warrior” to the second guy to the top of the tower climb. It’s a rule technicality that doesn’t reflect my perspective.
Does it really matter you to “win” if you still die? Maybe if you’re at least glad the prize money goes to your family, but that’s small comfort.
Easily suffocation over running out of fuel. I think it slightly quicker to die inside the cab before the guy outside the cab. Smaller enclosed space, still getting the carbon monoxide. Though the counter argument is the carbon monoxide isn’t getting channeled into the cab.
Okay, I went by Home Depot yesterday and did some evaluation.
They did not have a thatch rake at my store, but I’m not that scared of it. You swing at me, I block and trap or grab, then it’s not hitting me. Or I get you to swing, then slide in behind and hack you up.
I did play with a shovel, and there might be a way to make it more useful, but I still don’t feel it really stacks up against a blade.
Pitchfork did offer a bit of advantage over the shovel, using the tines to trap a blade if wielded correctly. But I’m not convinced.
Crowbars were all too heavy and cumbersome.
This landscaping edger has some promise in that the crosspiece can be used to block without endagering the hands.
While this machete has a bit stiffer of a blade than the other machete, it’s also a bit more blade heavy. Still, it’s servicable, though I’d take the other.
If I were going with a staff, I’d probably pick something like this over the closet pole. It has points on one end.
A pickaxe had some merit. The big head could be used to block blades without risking hands, and it could be used to hook a heel as well as strike.
Interestingly, if you’re thinking of the defense route, consider one of these grills. The top comes loose and you can use it as a shield, though you are reduce to striking with legs or ramming or something.
For a creative solution, consider these hedge shears. The handles can be extended to give a bit extra reach. If you hold it two handed and open the blades, you can hold it in front to block and redirect strikes.
I’m still going for the machete.
Oh, and this chain? Heavy as shit. Seriously, maybe 5 ft of it is wieldable, but all 20 feet is like carrying a 2 gallon jug. Wrapping around your arm will not be a good plan, and dragging part on the ground is stupid. Oh, and I’m certain anyone trying to swing it around in a circle to strike is more likely to injure themselves than me.
I am just pleased beyond all words that, thanks to me, people throughout North America are going to Home Depots and testing the products for their suitability in mortal combat.
Right now I’m thinking their strongest acid or paint stripper. I’ll go for the chemical attack thinking I don’t have to kill you, just disable or distract you enough to take your weapon and kill you with it.
The room is not airtight, by the way.
I will kill you all with a single sheet of paper.
(Once demonstrated to a friend how I could do it before he could even blink. He was rather shocked.)
If the truck were allowed then of course you’d choose the truck, but so would the other guy. In a 30’ x 30’ room that could be interesting to watch… no, boring to watch actually.
If trucks weren’t allowed then it seems like the pressure washer should be the best choice. Back yourself into a corner and blast away. It’s even effective against flame weapons. You might even be able to fend off a chemical attack. Of course, if it’s the best choice then both opponents will choose it. They’ll end up in opposite corners trying to flay the skin off their opponent and waiting to see who bleeds to death first.
Considering this, I might instead choose a heavy door as a shield. That way I can get in a corner and shield myself against a pressure sprayer, and just about anything else (other than a truck). The sprayer would eventually run out of water and then I could batter him to death with the door.
Of course my opponent may think the same way in which case you’d end up with two guys battling it out with doors.
I think that pretty much any weapon choice could end up being either good or bad depending on what your opponent chooses.
Not me, I am not a rock. Or Spock.
On thinking more about the truck, it’s a strong defense, but it’s also not hard to defend against. Just jump into the bed, and nobody’s getting hurt. And they do have a steel plate guarding the rear window, but a guy with a sledgehammer or heavy axe could probably get through that eventually.
I think the rules need to define the starting positions of the combatants. Are they in opposite corners facing each other? Are their weapons at hand or X feet in front of them? Can they be sitting or standing in or on their weapon if that’s physically possible?
How much of the arena’s floor space can their weapon occupy at the start? Can someone, for example, cover most or all of the floor with some kind of sticky cement or asphalt assuming that they can purchase a large enough single drum of the substance? (Glue isn’t really “assembled” until it’s been spread on something, is it?)
I think it would be more interesting if the game adhered to the literal meaning of “thunderdome”, complete with live audience clinging to the framework. lf the floor space were to be the definitive measure, it would be about 34’ across (the long diagonal of a 30’x30’ loom is about 42’), though a squared dome would certainly be feasible.
Such a format could make the choice of weapon quite entertaining. Imagine the live audience being knocked off the dome from the high-pressure sprayer, coughing from the wasp killer or taking a blow from a thrusted pike-like tool. The notion of merely facing off in a closed box is just too sterile to be a proper show.
Yep, I thought about this when I was thinking “so, what if two guys select acetylene torches?” You’d end up with two paranoid assholes each trying to burn each other’s faces and scar their breathing orifices shut, ready to pop their tank as soon as they’re injured at best; two assholes in their corners trying to ditch and cut their tank first at worst.
I think that what happens in that case is something like this.
Not sure how I missed this thread first time around.
I’d definitely look at the shovels. Could go with a short shafted “D” handled spade or round point for ease of wielding.
But I think I’d go with a longer straight handled trenching of floral shovel. A smaller, lighter blade than the standard spade/round point. The longer handle would give me reach over the machete, and the blade would cut and smash.
Couple of observations - if you do not train with flexible/jointed weapons, a chain would probably give your opponent more of an advantage than you. In fighting, baseball bats (or axes/mattocks) ought not be swung.
I’ve got a HD right across the street from work. May walk over there at lunch! 
Before reading through, here is my choice:
https://www.homedepot.com/p/Blue-Max-10-in-32-6cc-2-Cycle-Gas-Powered-Pole-Saw-53542/206762431
A gas powered chainsaw on the end of an 8 foot pole.
I wouldn’t use anything motorized. It would be too easy for my opponent to damage it to the point of being ineffective.
I would pick out a strong and light pickaxe. One good hit and he’s down for the count.
A must for the Festivus Day Home Depot Thunderdome.
This would be the best option if permitted. Worst case, if it’s two trucks, we get a demolition derby ,followed by 2 people beating each other with tire irons and truck parts.
I have the short version. I’d go with the giant FUBAR, too.
[Moderating]
Note: Dinsdale didn’t bump this thread. It was bumped by a spammer, whom I have flayed with high-pressure insecticidal acetylene, then set on fire.
So you won the $1,000,000*?
[sub][sub]*Zimbabwean dollars[/sub][/sub]
Neither did Chronos! 
(I assume someone reported me for having resurrected this zombie? Just found it amusing to have my name specified as NOT having done something wrong! Didn’t beat my wife or screw the pooch either! :D)
On edit - I see, now. You deleted the scammer. Never did excel at reeding comprehenshun!