Turns out they sell Bear Attack Deterrent. Now, this may qualify as a weapon, and it says, “Not sold in stores,” meaning it has to be shipped to the Home Depot, so it may be doubly disqualified. But if it’s not, forget the wasp spray, I’m going for bear deterrent, on the theory that my opponent is less tough than a bear.
It would be a hell of a fun thing to watch. I think we’ll allow you to use a truck, then change the rules to disqualify them after.
I’d just like to point out that this thread may be unique in sDope history:
I’ll bet it’s the only one that does not now, and will not ever, have a single female poster. 
This is intriguing. My first thought was “baseball bat”, but I’m not sure whether the local Home Depots sell sporting goods. After a brief flirtation with spectacular but impractical ideas, like using a gasoline-powered arc welder as a super-taser, I must admit that the power washer idea has some merit. Are we allowed to fill it with the fluid of our choice? Then I nominate muriatic acid. The washer should last long enough spraying acid to get in a blindng blast.
But I also remember that complex technical solutions also break. There’s a reason the proverbial mob of barbarians that overwhelms the delicate advanced culture is armed with rocks and sticks.
In the end, I’d probably go with a stout axe handle or some such. Already shaped to the hand better than a random piece of lumber, and it doesn’t have the centre of mass all the way out on the end like a sledgehammer.
If I was small and not very strong, but fast, I’d go for smaller and pointier, as close to a shiv as I could get.
I’m not talking about Thor’s hammer here. Shovels and sledgehammers are designed to be used by the average person. They’re not so heavy as to be unwieldy while still having enough weight to cause good damage.
Yeah, but if I think you might win, even for an instant, I’m cutting the acetylene tank myself, with the torch. In a 30x30 room, pretty much everyone loses.
I think that even beats the truck and the pressure washer, if you accept that not losing is more important than winning.
I don’t thin Home Depot stocks sporting goods, but if they did I’d go for a simple baseball bat. Light, easy to operate, no feul or power of any kind needed. Can be used with one hand. It would make a most satisfying thonk when it hits someone’s skull. Pretty good for paralyzing joints and kneecaps before going in for the kill…
I choose this because the OP specified my opponent would be someone with about my skill level. I haven’t the foggiest idea how to fight a powered weapon, but then my opponent would then probably also be clumsy with, say, a chainsaw.
Shovels and sledgehammers are not made to be swung around wildly like a fencing sword. Sledgehammers are made to commit to a single strong swing straight down, then reset to repeat. The reset is the tricky part.
Shovels are made to go in a strong stroke one direction, then provide leverage to pry dirt out of the ground, followed by transporting the dirt some short distance to the side. While they aren’t as offbalance as sledgehammers, they aren’t exactly rapiers, or even baseball bats.
If it’s me, I’m hoping my opponent is dumb enough to try a shovel or sledgehammer. I have a very strong chance of winning. I also like my chances against a baseball bat or axe handle.
I don’t consider dying not losing.
Well, since you’d be dead, and your opponent picks their own weapon, your opinion on the matter would not necessarily have the weight you would hope. Referring to the amended rules:
So it seems that as long as one can be found to have fought the best, which is of course debatable, you can still be dead and effectively “win”.
I have a pressure washer, a machete and a tree pruner in my garage. I use them all on a regular basis. Pressure washer for me.
You would be wrong. Check my previous post about using a baseball bat. Much better than an M16
Baker, veteran, 1974-77, US Army, 98G2LKP
Not sure about the pressure wassher , the velocity of the water falls off pretty quickly, sure it will hurt, but if the opposition is charging you, you don’t have much distance or time to do fatal damage before they are inside your wand tip.
I want a
Stanley FatMax Xtreme 30 in. III-FuBar
Block , stab, bludgeon and has a thunderhorse ready name.
Machete. I’ve done martial arts for a loooong time now, including sword work, and I do CrossFit. Vs. just about any improvised distance weapon, I sprint, I win. Hope you weren’t very attached to that limb. Well, you aren’t now, anyway. 
This Electric Inferno Propane Torch looks fun.
Pros: 41 inch length gives me range without being unwieldy. 800K BTU output means I don’t have to worry too much about accuracy - even a glancing blow is going to do damage. I also think there’s a psychological effect to being burned that doesn’t apply to taking a hit or even being cut. Unlikely people will try to grab it off me.
Cons: Fuel. I need to either carry a propane tank around with me or plant it in the ground and limit my maneouvrability. It does come with 10’ of hose but that’s as much of a liability as an asset - if it’s cut, I’m toast.
Strategy: Get to the corner with tank behind me, let them try to come to me and try to hit them literally anywhere.
Not sure how this matches up against aerosol sprays - definitely chance of ignition but will it blow back? If so, potentially worth the risk to disarm/disable LHOD.
Your opponent has the same training and fitness levels you do. So if you wouldn’t let someone run up to you and cut your arm off, neither will they.
I’m still liking the dethatching rake. I can keep range on my opponent, and every time he gets within 5 feet, he gets nineteen razor blade slashes to his arms or legs (t-shirt and shorts, so a lot of bare skin to go for). Blood loss will take its toll rapidly. And even if the blades eventually bend or fail, it’s still a staff for whacking.
My experience with dethatching rakes is that the blades themselves aren’t especially sharp (they don’t need to be to break dirt) although the tine ends are pointy and hurty. Still, I wouldn’t compare it to razor blades.
Doesn’t really matter against anything as clumsy as an improvised projectile weapon. You sure as hell aren’t going to get a pressure washer deployed in time no matter what your training and fitness.
Machete against machete or brush cutter, or something that actually resembles an actual real-life weapon, then it makes a difference. Anyone trying to be “creative” in this scenario is meat.
How much deployment does it need? I agree that if there’s any fiddling to be done then a machete charge is going to win. But per the rules all devices are loaded, powered and in full working order. If it’s just a matter of pointing it at you and pushing a button, it won’t be that difficult.
By way of example, your video had a guy with a knife in his hand charging a guy with a holstered gun. If the gun had been out and pointing at the knife-wielder how close would he have got? Also, we know the room is 30’ by 30’ - if we start at opposite corners from our opponent that’s a lot of distance to cover.
With the rented pickup truck… assuming the room is sealed, which would happen first?
Opponent runs out of breathable air and suffocates.
Engine runs out of usable air and stalls
You run out of breathable air inside the truck and suffocate.