Homophobe gets comeuppance (Possibly TMI)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

The cast of characters:
Me - the hero of the story
Girl - love interest
Bob - friend of mine, good guy except he’s a terrible homophobe (he thinks homosexuality is morally wrong and very disgusting); he was my ride to the party

The setting:
A house party this past weekend. Lots of people, lots of beer, lots of smoking, lots of music, and lots of good conversation. All in all, a great college party.

The story:
I, the hero of this story, took it upon myself to flirt with everything with a pair of ovaries. One girl responded surprisingly strongly and before long we were finding a secluded part of the house.

I’ll leave out most of the disgusting details, but one is relevant to the story. Putting this as delicately as I can: there was some hardcore oral action going on.

Ten or fifteen minutes later, we decided we didn’t want to be totally obvious about what we were doing, so she rejoined the party and I waited a few minutes before doing the same.

I wandered downstairs and found Bob engrossed in an argument with a Women’s Studies major. He likes to do that sort of thing. I listened for a bit, then realized how incredibly tired I was (besides the obvious, it was nearing 4:30 in the morning). I mentioned this to Bob, and he admitted it was late and that it was a good time to leave.

On the ride home, I of course told my friend Bob all the juicy tidbits. For a second, he was happy for me, then he turned very very pale and nearly had to pull the truck over. He looked like he was ready to puke. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me this:

“A little while before you told me we should leave, the girl you did that with came downstairs and asked to bum a smoke off of me. I didn’t have any extras, so I let her take a few puffs off of the one I was smoking. Dammit! Her mouth that had just … on your … well, you know … and then … on my cig! Gaaah! Disgusting!”

I started laughing, and he gave me an evil look.

He continued, “That’s not the worst part. I was being flirtatious so when I told her I’d let her take a few puffs off of my cig, I told her I’d have to get something in return. So she kissed me!”

He very nearly vomited, while I continued to laugh until I could barely breath.

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LOL serves him right!

3

Hehehehe!

4

Damn, what a slut!

And she was no better!

:smiley:

He’ll live - but you got the blowjob!

Esprix

5

Ha!

6

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Now while I have to admit it the situation might give me about half a second of “ewww” I’d get over it pretty quick and laugh about it. The real question is would Bob kiss a girl after she gave him a blow job. A true gentleman always does.

Now that I think about it, Bob will probably never have a chance to take take that test.

7

Had he vomited, the operative term would most definitely have been comeuppance. Excuse me, I have to go, my irony meter is beginning to smoke.

8

Dude, that is awesome!!!

9

So, it is true then? Smoking is bad for you? :smiley:

(Excellent story.)

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Glad you all liked that story. I just had to tell it. It was too good not to tell. :slight_smile:

Oh, and I had to fight hard against the urge to spell “comeuppance” in a risqué manner in the thread title. hehe

11

bwaahahaha!!
Sounds like a classy lady!
The kind you don’t bring home to meet Mom, but you just might bring home to meet Dad!! :wink:

12

HAW!

Anyone that gets that freaked out by that kind of thing deserves to have that kind of thing happen to them. What, were there cumcooties on the cigarette or something? :rolleyes:

13

Bob needs to come out of the closet. If he’s making that strong a connection betwen a cigarette and your johnson, then he’s got some major, raging sexual orientation issues to work through. As I always say, inside every homophobe there’s a raving queen ready to come…out.

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[slight hijack]
In Czech, the idiom for giving head is ‘smoking.’ So you see these t-shirts with a circle and slash through it superimposed over a female figure giving head to a guy. The caption reads “No smoking allowed here.”
[/slight hijack]

-Tcat

15

That’s the best story I’ve heard in a long time! I can’t imagine someone getting that grossed out over it but if he’s a homophobe that explains it. Serves him right!

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could’ve been worse. Somebody [sub] whose name rhymes with ruerisces[/sub] sent me this yesterday…

warning: nude drawings

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This is funny for so many reasons. :slight_smile:

Recently, Bob told me he turned down sex from a girl. He told the story as a way of saying, “See? I’m a good Catholic. I don’t have sex before marriage.” Also as a way to make me feel bad for being such a horrible little slut. I wonder if he would have turned it down if it had been a guy who’d offered. Hehehe.

He has also repeatedly said that the reason he smokes is because he has an oral fixation. When he tried to quit smoking, he had toothpicks in his mouth almost non-stop, or he was sucking on a sucker, or he was chewing gum. Hmmmm.

I think you may seriously be on to something here.

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lurkernomore that comic was hilarious! But your coding is a little bad, let me fix it for you.

There we go.
Or not. As Ooner and others have pointed out, the banner add occasionally has full frontal nudity images, depictions of sex acts and other things we prefer not be on our boards. Link removed by UB.

[Edited by UncleBeer on 12-04-2001 at 06:44 AM]

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Now THERE’S a t-shirt you’ll never see me wearing.

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sexylosers…

sexy losers…

hey…

is that the reincarnation of “The Thin H Line!”? it looks like it…