Honor and Peace

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So… For what may be the first time in my life, I’m tempted to stand up for my honor. The problem is, it’ll be by throwing a metaphorical drink into a friend’s face.

Due to some medical problems, I’ve been staying at the house of a maried couple who are both friends of mine, and have been my friends for quite a few years.

Said friends are usually living lean, financially, and I’ve been doing what little I can to help; donating money, paying for meals, helping with emergencies, etcetera. I feel I’m doing my share.

Part of ‘my share’ includes me asking, every time I go out, “Do you need anything while I’m out?” If it’s an errand I can do, I do it. If not, I’ll let them know why I can’t, but the things I can’t do are rare and usually out of my control (for instance, picking up things at the store that they don’t have in stock.)

This morning I woke up to find a somewhat annoyed email by the wife saying that the local Blockbuster had called wondering where a few of their videos were, and that the husband had asked me to return them for him some time ago.

This, however, is patently untrue. A week and a half ago, he and I rented two kung-fu films and watched them, then put them aside. In the time between, I’ve watched them once again, durring which the husband said, “We should get those back to the store some time.”

I realize this could be taken as, “Please return those.” I realize that. But husband is not the type of person to couch requests in such an oblique way. If he wanted me to return them, he would’ve said so. Or perhaps said something when I asked him if any errands needed running since then. Nothing.

I’m irked that he has claimed he asked me to do it. When asked, I do things right away so as to be certain they’re done. I know husband has a minor habit of passing the buck when questioned on matters, and I suspect that’s what happened this time.

I’m waiting to cool down. I probably shouldn’t blow my top over this, but I’m looking for a good way of saying, “I was not asked to do this. If I’d been asked, I’d have done it that day.” Without sound acusitory.

Right now I’m just going to take a few deep breaths and take the videos back when my car isn’t blocked in.

2

Ummm…fish & guests both stink after 3 days.

So, there will be stress between you & your friends. Use stress management.

This is not a matter of honor.

Your pal gets your sister knocked-up = A Matter Of Honor —therefore-- Duel At Dawn

You do/do not forget to return videos < A Matter Of Honor --therefore—Laugh it off.

3

Don’t you think you’re being a wee bit ungracious and petty? These people are your friends, who have taken you into their home, which is never an easy thing to do, regardless of whether you’re “doing your share.”

Your anger is probably less about the videos, and more about your feelings about your current living situation.

Don’t let this jeopardize your friendship. Return the videos and pay the fee, and try to keep things in a more reasonable perspective.

4

I’m with the others. Take the videos back. Pay the fines. Say you’re sorry. Even if it’s not your fault. Say “It must have slipped my mind, I don’t remember being asked to take them back.”

If it happens again, you need to find someplace else to stay.

If it doesn’t happen again, be happy you have a place to stay during your medical problems.

You sound like you’re trying to be a good housemate, and that’s great. It’s inherently a hard situation, though - you’re not a part of the family, and no matter how much you’re welcomed into the house, when it comes right down to it, you have all the responsibilities of a roommate or family member but none of the power. The rules of the house are theirs, they say how things will be done, and if there’s a minor conflict, you’re the one who needs to accept their solution. It’s their house.

My parents went through a situation like this earlier this year where my aunt stayed with them for something like 3 months - not out of financial hardship, but because it was convenient for her (she lives out of town, but had to return for short time for reasons I won’t get into here.) It was incredibly hard on my parents, but they are too polite to say anything to my aunt. It was getting to the point where I was about to take her aside and say something, but she finally left. It wasn’t that she was bad or went out of her way to be difficult - it was simply the situation and the length of time.

5

All sound advice, and very much the same conclusions I came to after calming down a bit.