How a dangerous situation was defused by the wonders of toast

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Yeah, so the other day I am getting ready in the morning. I make myself a nice breakfast- coffee, Toast, and a big boal of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I proceed to haul this feast into my room so I can watch He-man while I’m eating breakfast before work (yeah, go ahead and laugh ). Unfortunately when I put the coffee down so I’d have a free hand to open the door, it spilled all over the carpet. I thus had to spend the rest of my time cleaning up the mess I made.

That afternoon when I got back from work and school, my mom’s live-in boyfriend confronted me about the mess. I got into an argument with him. This is kind of how it played out:

Him: You left a huge fuckingmess in the hallway this morning. Why the hell didn’t you clean it up?

Me: I DID clean it up. I spent all morning cleaning it up!

Him: All morning, you say? when I got up, there was coffee everywhere. What kind of cleaning were you doing?!

Me: I got as much coffee out of the carpet as I could with paper towels. I missed HE-man for christ sakes! And my toast was stone cold when I got to it.

Him: I don’t give a fuck about He-man, or your goddamn toast. I just want the mess…

Me: Didn’t you hear me? My toast was cold.

Him: I said I don’t give a shit about your toast!

Me: MAKE MY TOAST DAMMIT!

Him: Make me!

Then we kind of laughed off the argument. Great way to defuse a bad situation. And I owe it all to toast :smiley:

2

Wow, so toast means a lot to you then? :slight_smile: btw - did you remember to attach the toast to the back of a cat, so tha it would at least land buttered side up?

3

Once again, I come through, defusing tense situations and saving lives!

4

Liar! LIAR! Didn’t you read the part where Incubus said the toast was cold? Cold!! You didn’t do jack shit Mr. Hot Buttered Toast. You’re nothing but a fraud.

[sub]Bloody poser breakfast foods…[/sub]

5

Yes, but the mere thought of hot buttered toast defused their argument! (okay, maybe not, and it’s “Miss”.)

Hot toast, golden brown and dripping with butter. Mmm.

6

And once again merely looking at the internet makes Celyn hungry. :slight_smile:

Let’s see.
Got bread.
Got margarine.
Even got cat in case it is necessary
…
All systems go

7

And once again merely looking at the internet makes Celyn hungry. :slight_smile:

Let’s see.
Got bread.
Got margarine.
Even got cat in case it is necessary
…
All systems go

8

Hmmm… So you’re hot, golden brown and covered in butter, you say…
Stay back! Foul temptress!

9

I’m thirteen, Giraffe. Even with your prehensile tongue, I don’t think I’d be interested. Especially since your whole “toilet sandwich” thing.

Incubus, what happened to the carpet anyway? Did you get all the coffee out?

10

:eek: Well, now that my attempts to prey on thirteen year old girls over the Internet are finished, I think I’ll be off. If anyone needs me, I’ll be boiling myself in bleach.

[sub]Can’t…get…clean…[/sub]

11

Oh man, I think I broke a rib laughing.

I was going to make a similar comment to yours Giraffe and cursed your name when you beat me to it. But after scrolling further down I’m just really, really, really grateful that you did.

Thanks dude. :slight_smile:

12

ROFL

13

Sorry couldn’t type more, was laughing too much!

Good going, Giraffe!

14

Ok, so this makes how many times Giraffe has gotten himself into trouble on the internet?

15

Looks like Toast defused Giraffe too … :smiley:

16

Paging Haywood Banks… Paging HAYWOOD BANKS!

17

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA i couldnt type for a good long boyut of laughing after reading Giraffe tut tut tut

18

It’s a terrible thing when you realize that you’re the person Tom Brokaw has been warning parents about for all these years.

19

Today toast defused yet another situation!

So this morning, my mom’s SO wakes me up with his yelling and cursing and crashing around. I get up to see what all the ruckus is.

I see my mom’s SO in rage chasing Buster the cat. Buster the cat has evidently done a Bad Thing and mom’s SO is trying to catch him. Buster is in a panic, he is zigzagging and running in circles trying to get away, while my mom’s SO, a relatively large man, is knocking over furniture and bumping into walls trying to catch the cat. Finally he is able to catch Buster the cat and evict him into the backyard for a while. I ask him what happened. Apparently Buster, in an effort to infuriate my mom’s SO, decided to take a fat piss on the living room couch right in front of him. Buster’s plan worked, infuration ensued, but Buster didn’t think he would get chased. He freaked out and ran, got so scared he continued pissing while running and gettin screamed at.

Him: God damn that cat. Now look at all this piss I have to clean up. It will take all morning to get this done. Now I’ll miss the news. Damn cat!

Me: Would you like me to make you some…toast?

I could tell he spent a minute trying not to laugh. Then he just cracked up and thanked me for cheering him up.

20

Can you imagine the implications of this concept?

Ted Koppel: In a surprise pre dawn assault, US Special Forces launched operation ‘Pepperidge Farms.’ Using BBAML (buttery bread air munchie launchers), a suspected enemy stronghold was bombarded with countless loaves of steaming toast.

Let’s go live to our Mid Eastern correspondent. Can you hear me, Jill?

Jill: Yes, Ted. It was apparent that this operation was well conceived to break the will of those steadfast to the toppled dictator. Hungry and longing for something Momma would make, the toast initiative was backed up with air assault. According to an Air Force spokesman, over 30 kilotons of sugar cinnamon and raisins were spread across ground zero immediately following the barrage of buttered toast.

As top military officials predicted, loyalists quickly laid down their weapons and approached US troops asking for (via a translator) “Another yummy slice of the infidel’s food.”

Back to you, Ted.