So do you press charges or are you cool?
I think we have a winner. But once again, if it backfires, you could be in real trouble.
Well, sadly, while many of the replies have been hilarious and should work, the kind of chick who doesn’t take no for an answer wouldn’t care. Case in point – coworker has been cheated on by every guy she’s ever dated/slept with/married/known and just found out her current beau is cheating. Guess what her Myspace headline is? Yep “I love you <cheating asshole’s name>” She is now friends with the other girl. I don’t know why. Some people seem to enjoy being a martyr. Me, not so much. You want me to GTFA, just say “hey, Litoris, bugger off!” Easy enough 
What’s that? I cunt hear you.
But what happens if you say “Hey Litoris, bugger on”?
Do you have an ear inf***tion?
Well, now, that would have a totally different meaning, wouldn’t it?
“you know, from some angles, you look just like Jon Pertwee”
Always remember, there are women who MARRY guys on death row who murdered and raped other women. There are some CRAZY women out there.
(But they have been funny. One of my girlfriends ran when - on the second date her companion - who she had not been intimate with - mentioned that to continue the relationship he thought she should know that group sex, and lots of it, was essential to his happiness. That seemed to work.)
My daughter-in-law is sweet and quiet, taking everything her husband throws at her (fortunately, no violence or nastiness. He just seems to want his feelings considered above all others, and not to own up to any breadwinner’s duties). 3/4 of the lines-- especially the “poor me, I’m so miserable” would work on such as she.
Once, for about 20 mins, I was Batman.
I worked at a movie theatre and I dressed up as Batman. It was really cool. Kids really thought I was Batman. Another thing, there was more than one mom who clearly thought a visit from Batman would be a good thing.
That was my point – some of these women seek out those types of relationships for the victim status it gives them. “Oh, poor Amy, she has the worst luck with guys, poor poor poor.” My MIL is one of them – her first husband was a great guy (my husband’s dad) so she got rid of him right-quick to marry a guy with no legs and no eyes. She will tell you hours on end how she “wasted her life waiting on him and carrying him up and down the stairs and took care of him” blah blah blah. I have met the guy, he takes pretty good care of himself! she finally left him for a man (no joke!) 30-some years older, so she has a constant stream of “poor me” stories about his health problems and his alzheimers and so on. I mentioned to my husband that when she finally kills this husband off, I bet dollars to donuts the next man she marries will be another race – that’s the only way she can get more sympathy, as he brother and sister would “be against it.” GAH!
As for the group sex thing…I actually know a guy who thinks that way and his girlfriends and wife are all ok with it. To each their own, but uhm…yeh.
This one’s from an episode of Friends:
Phoebe: “So what do you do?”
Guy on date with her: “I write erotica. For children.”
No, that’ll ring some pity bells, and you’ll hook the wannabe nurses.
I think you need to go for a direct personal insult – comments about smells are always good.
OR,
Go the gay route, as in, “I’m saving my penis for Jake or Heath – well, now just for Jake.”
During first date conversation: “Cite?”
(Repeat as necessary)
…or (worse?) just for Heath.
(slow clap) well played, Detective…
Now now, this is about things that will get you casted off, not mauled, eviscerated and buried in a septic pit.
I’m really into preforming arts. I like to spend the weekends dressed as a clown in Central Park. It’s a nice break from my weekday job as as a mime outside the subway. You’d like my roommates a lot. Jack works at the the water department and can get us into the sewer tunnels. He and I will go down the tunnels to find a storm drain on a busy crosswalk and grab people by the ankles. Oh, did I mention that we dressed as clowns with white gloves. Sometimes if we’re lucky, we can snatch a really sexy shoe off a lady. Jacks collection is a bit larger than mine, but I look for sexiness not quantity like him.
My other roommate Donny has some weird ideas though. There’s something just not right with the dude. He sits watching horror slasher movies dressed like the slasher. Now here’s the weird part! He doesn’t like it when we put on the costumes and ask to join him watching the movie. I think he must be textophobic. You know fear of certain textiles. I think it’s mostly the red poke-a-dot pattern in silk that bothers him. The cotton blue poke-a-dot one doesn’t seem to affect him as much. What a weird dude! Sometimes we prank each other. The last time I stood over Donny with an axe raised over him, and stared at him until he woke up. I had to stand posed over him for hours, before he woke up and screamed. What a laugh! I almost dropped the axe 3 times as I was nodding off. You can come to the apartment some time. Jack and I can dress you up as a clown. We could go out for a night on the town and paint the town RED!
This should scare off any woman, and if she isn’t you should run and not give out a forwarding address.
Your mother is better in bed. For that matter, so is your daughter.