Yesterday I became and aunt for the first time, courtesy of my brother and sister-in-law. I would like to be the best aunt I can be. Who out there does things that make you a good aunt or uncle, and what do you do? Just wanted to share my news, and am curious from some outside ideas. I suppose I can always follow in the footsteps of my own good aunts and do what they did.
Well, you could follow my sister’s lead and spoil the hell out of your niece/nephew. That will make you a good aunt, at least in the kid’s eyes. As for the adults, babysit for free as often as you can. Seriously.
“I’m your aunt Monica. I will always have gum.”
This is the only thing I ever heard on “Friends” that was useful.
This thread is better suited for In My Humble Opinion. I’ll move it for you.
Cajun Man ~ SDMB Moderator
Congratulations to you and your brother & sister-in-law. Being an aunt is the coolest thing there is. As soon as the little tyke can sit up, go buy a convertible. And a bunch of loud rock&roll CDs.
I’ll probably get flamed by most parents here for this, but I think aunts and uncles play the vital role in a child’s life of letting them know that not everything their parents say and do is The Way Things Are. Respect their values, but don’t be afraid to let the kid know what other choices you’ve made and how it’s turned out.
Encourage the kid’s interests.
Don’t let the kid mouth off to the folks.
Go places.
Tell the kid hilarious stuff about the parents.
Do sleepovers.
Buy a lot of noise makers. Children love noise makers.
sixseven , thank you for starting this thread! I am also a recently-minted first-time aunt, and am always on the lookout for what I should do. I mean, besides spoil the kid rotten, which I’ve already started doing. So far, every time I’ve seen my brother, his wife and the baby, I’ve had a little something for my neice. So far I’ve gotten her a few outfits, a stuffed animal, and a cute bib. I’m thinking of switching to books for a bit, just until she gets big enough to fit into the next size clothes. 
OK, so she’s only 2 months old and won’t be able to read for a long time yet, but I thought I’d get a head start.
Please, everyone keep the suggestions coming!
Engel
When they’re young it’s wonderful to spoil them. I have 3 teenage nieces and adore them. But as they become young women, you may find (as I currently am) that you are the source of advice for all things personal rather than their mother.
This isn’t easy by any means, but I know that in a few short years my ‘gels’ are going to be out there in the big wide world, and I’d hate them to think that I was a hypocrite for giving advice that I would never have followed myself at the age of 15. The eldest is a carbon-copy replica of myself at 15, down to the last physical detail and mannerisms. How can I tell her she shouldn’t have sex with her utterly reliable and lovely steady boyfriend, when I’d already embarked on my first (3-year) relationship at her age? With a carbon copy lovely guy, funnily enough!
You’ve just got to try and help them through in the way that you had to help yourself at that age.
Can’t really speak to the “aunt” side of things, but I am a very experienced uncle (and kind-of-uncle to my cousins’ kids). So I think I can contribute.
I don’t think gifts are necessarily the way to becoming a “good” (well liked) aunt/uncle. The key is simple: attention and playing with them. Kids love attention, and often times the parents can’t always pay as much attention as they like. Plus it’s a bottomless pit of wanting attention, so it’s not like you can give too much. The key is to really be there for them, not just around and observing. Be interested in what they’re doing, come up with things that are interesting for them, etc…
I think being an aunt/uncle (or just a family friend, for that matter) offers a unique opportunity for an adult. That is, even the parents must assert themselves as authority figures (as well they should), but I’ve found I’ve hit it off best with little kids because I play the one adult that it’s okay to “take advantage” of. That is, when I play with them, I will setup a situation where it is (safely) okay for them that seems “bad.” A classic example is for one and two year olds. Just start stacking up some toys. They will instinctively come over to knock it down. And when they do, act shocked and perturbed - and start stacking them up again. You know what they’ll do next, and this will continue for as long as you are willing and they will love it.
My theory is that for most kids, their experience of adults, aside from providing for them and giving them lots of affection, is to be telling them what they can’t do. So to play an adult that they can rebel against is quite a treat. To a certain degree, they know you’re playing with them. But it allows them an outlet to the normal repression. The downside is that it may be difficult when it does come time for you to try to discipline them. But heck, that’s the parents job. You’re just there to make fun !
But really it all comes back to simply giving sincere, focused attention. This holds for all ages. As they get older, don’t just ask the stock “how’s school ?” question. Ask about a specific area, and find out what interested them (or annoyed them). It’s showing genuine interest that counts.
Be eccentric. Be crazy (in a good way). Let them hear you make obnoxious noises. Laugh. NEVER lie to them.
If it is a boy, when he gets old enough to need to go into the mens room. Threaten him with “if you are not out quickly I will come in there and get you AND I will be loud about it and embarrass you”. If you have done the stuff in the 1st paragraph he will believe you and not call your bluff. It will save you much worry about a little boy alone in a mens room.
I agree with cormac262 and deb2world. One of the funniest things (and a very fond memory) my sister taught my daughter was how to spit off the pier. We lived very near the pacific ocean and took my daughter to the pier just for giggles. She was probably 8 years old or so. Well, my sister just HAD to tell her all that foam down below was from people spitting off the pier, and proceeded to teach her how to do it. We had a great time!
Spending time with the niece/nephew and giving them your undivided attention is a big one. Being a kid with her/him and doing stuff children think only other children do, is going to endear you to them. Always being truthful is very important - tell a lie and it will come back and bite you in the butt. If s/he asks something like where is God, or where do babies come from, it’s most important to directly answer the question, rather than telling them it oughtn’t to be talked about, or they’re not old enough. Give them an answer based on their age - if they’re 5 and ask about where babies come from, you’ll want to give them a much shorter, less detailed answer than if they’re 12.
It’s also helpful to let them know your limits and when it’s okay to be silly, when it isn’t. Children needs boundaries and discipline. If you say no, stick to it, or they’ll walk all over you!
Yikes, nothing like babbling on. Anyway, most importantly, enjoy each moment you spend with her/him. They grow up so fast!
I’m a veteran aunt (6 or 7 now, not really counting anymore) and even a great-aunt to 2. IMO, a really good aunt is a cross between a mom and a sister. Fun, games, and still adult enough to be in charge. Good aunts let you get away with stuff that Mom frowns upon, but still maintain control. Sure, an extra Popsicle before dinner, but still eat your broccoli. All about balance.
I’ve been an aunt for 13 years. I’ve got 2 nephews and 3 nieces and one more on the way.
You must absolutely buy the kid a drum set immediately.
Thanks for your ideas everyone. They are practical and fun, too. It sounds like being an aunt can be a special adult to a child in ways I didn’t think about. Now that I remember my own aunts, they did all the suggested ideas at one time or another in my life (except I didn’t get a drum set), and hearing these suggestions brought back the often funny memories.
If anyone has any more ideas, please describe them for the benefit of all other new aunts or uncles.
Just to reinforce what’s already been said:
-pay attention to the kid
-play with the kid
-remember, kids really like doing things, so do things with them, take them to do things.
-be nice
One thing I enjoyed about my aunts was that they provided a different picture of what an adult woman was. Mom was, well, mom. Aunt Ruthie painted! Aunt Lillian was a lawyer. Aunt Norma kept chickens. They expanded my horizons.
Tell your nieces and nephews what their mom (dad) was like as a younger person. Not necessarily bad stories. Just things like “your mom loved to dance in high school.” They enriched my picture of my mom–made her more three dimensional.
Buy them age appropriate presents. This is very difficult. It’s just as bad to buy an 11 year old a barbie doll as it is to buy a 6 year old a heavy metal CD. If you aren’t sure, take the child shopping. Consider making the shopping trip part of the gift.
And a major don’t: Don’t talk about them as if they weren’t there. This is such an easy habit to get into when they are infants and toddlers. And SO hard to break. If the child is in the room, the child should not be the subject of the conversation unless they are a full participant.
There’s a book out there I skimmed once called something like “The Joy of Aunting.” It was a bit overdone, but had some fun ideas too.
Congratulations, sixseven! I’m desperate for some nieces and nephews myself.
Do things with them that their parents don’t (kid things, obviously, not things like tequila shots). Mom’s a neat freak? Let them get your kitchen all messy making cookies. Dad doesn’t like sports? Take the young’un to a ball game, and share hotdogs and soda with them. My aunt used to take me to see plays at the community college, then we’d go out for coffee (her) and hot chocolate (me). It made me feel so elegant and sophisticated.
It was very important to me as a teenager to know that I had adults besides my parents that I could go to if I needed help or advice. There are some things you can discuss with an aunt that you can’t with a mother.
When I was 13, my aunt told me, “If you’re ever in a bad situation–it doesn’t matter how late it is, it doesn’t matter what you’ve been doing–call me, and I will come get you, no questions asked. I won’t get mad; I won’t yell at you; I’ll just come get you.” That meant a lot to me. It didn’t mean that she wouldn’t tell my parents, or that she wouldn’t kick my butt later, just that I had a safe out if stuff ever got rough. If you can provide that for your nieces and nephews, you’ll be doing a great thing for them.
Well, when the kids get into their teen years, make sure to buy them booze, they will love you forever and think you are the coolest aunt on the planet if you do.
Always remember birthdays and holidays with gift giving.