I’m a 20 yr old girl. I’ve always had boyfriends, but never girlfriends - even though I find girls more attractive than guys. I guess I just have a hard time talking to girls like that. Please help me.
I’ve had lesbian/bi friends, but they always seem annoyed with me cause I know NOTHING of gay culture. I ask them questions to try to learn and they act like I’m so ignorant they can’t waste time talking with me. I also have trouble talking to girls who aren’t openly lesbian. Few people know I like women, and I’m scared that if I tell a female friend that they’re hot, I’ll never see her again.
However, I’m very interested in having a relationship with another girl, and my boyfriend is all for it. The problem is, when it comes down to things, he’s as shy about everything as I am. We both have our eyes on one of my bi friends. She’s flirted slightly with me before, but flirting can sometimes just be for fun. How do I bring up the idea of a 3-some with her? Will it ruin our friendship?
Having some limited experience in this I can say that alcohol in excess has been a suitable catalyst. Start out playing cards and drinking games, then switch to truth or dare, and or strip poker.
The percentages then become very high.
Dealing with emotions the next day is the downfall of this act.
A good friend of mine asked me about it beforehand. He knew I was up for adventure, and was always willing to try new things. He and his girlfriend were looking for a third participant, and were wondering if I would be intrested. I told him I would be willing, but was unsure because he’s a very close friend of mine, and I didn’t want to risk messing up our friendship by sleeping with him and his girlfriend. He understood, and we agreed that if it happened, cool, if not, that was okay too. No pressure. While I was over at his place, he and his girlfriend were talking on one couch, while I was sitting on the other. They got up, and as walking out of the room, he said casually “We’re going to have sex Pammi. You’re welcome to join us, if you’d like.” I did, and had a pretty cool time. Like Whuckfistle said, the emotions afterward are the tricky part. We’re still friends, but things are definitely different between us. Just be sure that everyone involved is really into it, or it won’t be as fun.
Might I suggest proposing a one on one thing with your friend, leaving the guy out of it, at least at first? You’ll get better reception that way from other girls, be able to see if you are into that type of change, and then take things from there. Girls will be much more receptive to just you rather than a three way. In far too many cases, a three way proposal is usually taken (because it usually is meant) as a “help me provide a real life fantasy for my guy, letting him have two girls”. Although this apparently isn’t the case with you, that is how it is usually viewed by the other girl, unless you get lucky and find someone like Pamipoo. (How YOU doin??)
The other alternative is to look into a four way, with interest on the girl/girl arena. 3 is an odd number. Especially starting out in this type of thing, you will most likely have awkward feelings not only afterwards, but during, because there is a higher risk of someone feeling like being used as just a sex toy, or feeling left out. One on one or in even numbers is, IMO, the only way to go. I’m a guy and have been in many MMF and FFM. In both cases, quite often I’ve picked up very heavy vibes from the “odd one” being uncomfortable, which lessens the enjoyment of who is being focused on.
Anyway, I’d just talk to your friend about it as a one on one, at least to start, or maybe she’ll be able to help you out with another person she knows. It rarely hurts to ask.
As a sidebar, I would like to add that although many guys dream of being with two girls, (perhaps I’m just getting old and too out of shape) to me it is more work than fun. To be tended to by two is quite a thing, but to return the favor and try to please two (let’s face it, one is hard enough many times) can be hell. Make sure you have a very stout heart, a three day supply of food and four days to catch your breath.
Good advice Turbo Dog. Unfortunately it won’t really work. My bf and I kinda had trouble agreeing on terms and whatnot. See, while I’ve never been with a girl, he’s only been with two - so we’re both somewhat curious. Plus, I think it would be much tougher on the relationship if one of us is COMPLETELY left out of things. I know I couldn’t deal with it if he ever spent a night alone with a girl - even if he shared her with me later. I don’t think it’s fair for me to ask for that privilage!
mandielise, I understand what you are saying. When you are dealing with opposite sex situations, you are 100% correct. To expect anyone to understand that type of situation for a first time thing is ridiculous. But this isn’t about that. Just my opinion, but for a same sex situation, I firmly believe that the first time should be a private affair. For the benefit of both sides. Comfort on one, disgust or incredibly excited on the the other.
Well thanx Turbo Dog - we’ll talk about it. Hey now Conti! We want this to mean something. She’s my friend - it’s not just about sex, and I don’t wanna mess shit up!
Go out for a girls night. Have fun, but no physical stuff, and talk abstractly about kinky sex. Have you ever…? You’ll get a feel for how adventurous she is, and if she might be up for it. Let her know in an abstract fashion, that you’d consider doing her under the right circumstances (which aren’t now, you have a boyfriend).
A few weeks later, same conversation, this time more specifics. i.e. Boyfriend is interested in threesome. Sounds interesting, but I don’t know…have to be with someone you really trust and like…
If she offers, you are good to go. If all this hinting doesn’t bring
about an offer, you are risking the friendship to ask.
(But I think you should drop the idea. This will change any friendship you have, and will change your relationship with your boyfriend. And chances are good neither change will be for the better.)
So I think it’s pretty safe to say that most men have a threesome fantasy which involves 2 women and 1 man. Could the adverse (2 men and 1 woman) be said for women? If so, do you think the motivation (turn-on) is different for a woman? –
IMO: Men’s motivation for having sex w/ 2 women at the same time is the turn-on of having 2 women do what he likes. Women’s motivation for having sex w/ 2 men at the same time is the turn-on of being near-helpless/dominated. – Am I full of shit or am I on to something?
what whuck said. If you want a threesome, foursome or moresome for anything besides just sex, don’t do it. They can all be a lot of fun, and it is very easy to play with friends without affecting the friendship, as long as everyone knows what is involved and what is expected. Just tell your friend the truth. Or at least, some of the truth. That you are very interested in jumping the fence but you don’t know how to find someone to help you out and take it from there.
iamnoman, why do you think there is a difference in motivation? Women want 2 guys for the same reason that guys want 2 women. Two people to do what we demand for double the pleasure. It also feels terribly dirty in a very good way.
