You feel you need to share or justify your musical taste with your parents? How odd. What country do you live in?
I love metalheads. Absolutely love them. I hung out with metalheads when I was 17, but transitioned into indie rock in my 20s. Then I met my husband, a metalhead who doesn’t dress like one in day-to-day life, and I started to go to metal shows with him. Let me tell you, the metal shows are so much more celebratory and full of life than indie rock shows. At an indie rock show, sometimes the liveliest it ever gets is a hipster giving an occasional nod in the band’s direction. I’ve been to way too many shows like that.
The metal shows, on the other hand- the first time I went, I was watching the guys in the pit slam around and I said to my husband “Look! They help eachother up whenever anyone gets knocked over…” He shrugged and said “Yeah, of course…” as if this were perfectly the norm. It turns out that metalheads are the nicest guys around. Of course there’s an occasional jerk who’s in the pit throwing punches at people, but they get identified and thrown out very quickly. The aggression and violence in the pit, and in the music, is somehow a happy aggression. Everyone’s having a good time and nobody’s actually trying to hurt eachother. And it’s implicitly agreed upon that everyone’s looking out for eachother and keeping an eye out for the rare jerk.
So I developed a pop-psychology theory about how metalheads appear to be so harsh and scary but are actually for the most part really nice guys- much, much nicer than hipsters, that’s for sure. I’ve had enough of hipsters for a lifetime.
So I figure that listening to pounding music and yelling and slamming eachother around in the pit gives people an opportunity to release aggression in a nonharmful way, in a non-competitive environment. It’s just awesome. The music, too- it gives you an outlet to be loud and angry so that you don’t end up having to channel anger in a more harmful way.
I’m telling you all this because you potentially may turn out to be a pretty cool guy someday. Unless you’re a girl- then you’re AWESOME! Holy crap, the metal guys will be all over you 
Still, if you’re a guy, I say metal is good for you. My husband and I are in our 30s and we still go to metal shows. I saw Gwar two nights ago. And we are by no means the oldest people there. You don’t don’t have to outgrow it if you don’t want to. And if you do, that’s ok, too- it’ll still help shape you into a pretty cool guy.
My husband says, half-jokingly, that he doesn’t trust any man who never went through either a metal or a punk stage when he was a kid/teenager.
As to how to break it to your parents…well, if you want to delay that until you find a way, you might want to get some headphones. If you’re lucky, your parents might be surprisingly understanding about how kids your age frequently become interested in things that most adults hate. They might think that even if they don’t like it, they won’t get mad at your for it or forbid you to listen to it. If you don’t want to actually tell them in a “serious talk”, you could test the waters and just play a little bit at a semi-low level when they’re around. If you don’t get a reaction, they might not be bothered by it.
If they hate it and forbid all metal in the house…ugh. I’m a grown woman and I still think that that would be unreasonable (as long as you’re not obnoxious about blasting it when they’re around). Honestly, if my parents said I wasn’t allowed to listen to it, I would hide it from them and listen anyway.
The actual advice given here is reasonable.
You aren’t your parent’s little robot. You have your own opinions and feelings and guess what… that is healthy and normal. Play your own music and enjoy it.
But, I recommend that you not use it as a weapon against your folks.
Don’t deliberately offend them just because you can. Unless they have been really abusive folks (and that doesn’t seem what has happened here) then treat them with respect. Usually folks respond by giving respect in return.
Good luck. And do drop by more often. This board could use the insights of a younger person occasionally.
I have a 13-year-old daughter and I was once a 13-year-old so I’m well aware of this way of thinking. But no, it’s music that shows who someone else is. Someone who actually had some part in making it. You’re just passively listening to it and enjoying it (which is perfectly fine). Just enjoy it and leave your parents out of it, because they’re not going to appreciate it like you do and they’re not going to gain any insight into who you are because of it.
Oh, and for what it is worth, Gwar is amazing!
Here is the thing I am trying to get through to my fifteen year old…
I’m a reasonable person. If you share with me, I will help you evaluate and make good decisions. I won’t run your life or make decisions for you (unless the decisions you are making put you in danger or are illegal - heavy metal does neither). But if you hide things from me, then I think “oh, my God, what else is my kid hiding from me.” Anything I find after the fact is amplified by the thought that there is worse. Or that he would do worse. And then I’m far more likely to overreact.
So, what I would do is find a heavy metal song you like that is the least parentally shocking and say “hey, mom and dad, I discovered this and I’d like to share it with you and talk about it. I’m afraid you won’t approve, but I’d feel better sharing it with you.” You’ll need to reword that from psychobabble into 13 year old kid. Play the song, talk about it. Your parents may be a lot cooler than you think. Or they may freak out and say “devil child” - but you know what, if they do, you are 13, it is music - not who you are. And believe it or not, unless your parents are actually abusive, they will mean a lot more to you over your life than the music you listen to at 13. Respect them. This isn’t a hill to die on. And when you are eighteen and not living at home, you can listen to whatever you choose, even opera.
What if you introduce them to some Christian heavy metal? There’s a few pretty good ones:
Skillet, Manifest Destiny, August Burns Red, The Devil Wears Prada, Underoath, Family Force 5, Kutless, P.O.D., Thousand Foot Krutch
(You already mentioned As I Lay Dying, so that’s a good sign)
If they get used to the idea of you listening to those bands, then you can probably listen to any of your current favorites too, as long as it’s not actually Satan-worshipping or telling you to commit suicide. You seem like a well-adjusted kid, so I hope you’re not actually into that kind of stuff… Avenged Sevenfold and Disturbed both have a few songs with some pretty messed up lyrics.
I’m going to let you into a parent secret that they don’t tell you til you’ve grown up and left home: once upon a time, your parents were teenagers too, probably right around the time, or even after, heavy metal was the biggest thing in music. I can pretty much guarantee that your parents would have listened to either heavy metal or some other style of music that they, too, were afraid their parents disapproved of.
It really isn’t a big deal and it’s *highly *likely that they won’t care, as long as you don’t play it really loud throughout the house. They would probably prefer to know instead of watching you disappear silently into your headphones, into a world they can’t reach you in.
Oh, and don’t wear headphones on your bike - it’s very dangerous because you can’t hear traffic coming. Much more dangerous than liking a certain style of music.
thank you, and i can still hear the cars. i know its not that safe so i dont ay it too lpud to where i cant hear them. i also try and stay on the sidewalk if possible
thank you. ill be sure not to try to piss them off. they dont deserve that, tyey treat me how i should be ya know. and ill be sure to stop by in a few forums, create some and stuff. i can agree. having the view point of someone from a younger generation could be an eye opener to some of those in tye older generation
The reason why you don’t necessarily share everything with your parents is because sometimes parents can be real jerks about having a kid that doesn’t line up to be exactly the way they want them to be.
I wouldn’t bring it up first. I’d just let them ask about it whenever they decide to. When they do, don’t act like you did anything worthy of guilt (because you have not), just play it straight with them, tell the truth, and act like it’s no big deal.
Because let’s face it, you’re 13. Parents still have all the power right now and the last thing you need is your musical solace stamped out and taken away from you at a time you’ll need it most. No reason to take that chance. Your parents might be cool. Your parents might not. Don’t lie about what concerts you’re going to or anything, but don’t put yourself out there ahead of time.
And to people saying “your parents were kids too”, that’s usually the parents’ cue to say “Yeah, I was a kid too and I know I’m not letting YOU get away with what I did”
That’s what everyone told me when I first started listening to metal when I was like 9 or 10. My favorite bands were Anthrax, Testament, Megadeth, and Overkill back in the late 80’s.
Now today I am in my mid 30’s and still listen to metal, except it is now death metal and black metal. Bands like Deeds of Flesh, Defeated Sanity, Guttural Secrete, Christicide, Orenda, Isvind, and Aosoth are some of my current favorites. I will NEVER grow out of metal. I can’t stand any other music at all.
As to the OP, my parent didn’t mind me listening to metal. They actually bought me the cassettes and let me listen to them on the drive back home from Tower Records. I put up posters of metal bands in my room and my mom actually thought many of the musicians were attractive and would always tell me so-and-so was cute.
They actually bought me a guitar and drum set and let me play it in my room. Now the instruments I grew out of, but not the music.
You haven’t even introduced your music to your parents yet. Maybe they will be as open minded as my parents were.
MetalMaster, just out of curiosity:
What is it you like about metal?
What is it you think your parents would object to about metal?
What kind of music do your parents like or approve of?
And to everyone else: Am I the only one who’s picturing this situation as a Twisted Sister video?
well i like the meaning behind most lyrics, the fast upbeat pace, the jump up and throw a fist in the air kinda feeling. my parents would probably object the vulgar songs i like but they dp approve of things that are simple like country and christian music
and knowing my parents they wpuld say no to it because they woild like it to the devil and say its the devils music
I second the idea about checking out Christian metal. It can be just as heavy and driving, it just has a different message. And not even an “opposite” message as secular metal, which doesn’t have to have a satanic or bad message at all.
Nonsense.
Jazz is the Devil’s music.
(But don’t take my word for it. Trust PBS:
Culture Shock: The TV Series and Beyond: The Devil's Music: 1920's Jazz)
By any chance do you and your family live in 1985?
He’s trying to tell his parents he listens to heavy metal. Not that he’s gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m a product 80s youth culture.
You don’t have to tell them if you don’t want to. It’s just music. From what your telling us about your parents it might be a better choice just to keep it to yourself. Unfortunately there isn’t much hope in changing peoples attitudes about music when they really believe metal is the work of the devil.
If I were you I’d avoid it for a little while until your older.
When my daughter was 13 she was listening to a lot of rap. I am not a fan. She didn’t “hide” it, nor did she ever feel the need to tell me what she was listening to. I didn’t like it, but I always thought she could make her own decisions about what she listened to, as long as I didn’t have to hear it. Eventually she grew out of it (I hope), and disappointed me in other ways along the way Now she’s 19 and I couldn’t be more proud of her.