I have a 44yr. old daughter with two kids living IN MY HOME, she is an unemployed drug addict (cocaine) and she refuses to get a job or move out! I love my grand children and do not wish to hurt them, but I pay all the bills and have been forced to leave my home. (because she keeps it in such a filthy condition) I still pay all the bills and utilities, but for the sake of the children I just can’t evict them. WHAT SHOULD I DO??? :smack:
{I am (disabled and 75 yrs old) too ill to raise her children myself and the father is not in the picture at all}
Wow, that sounds really difficult. I don’t know from personal experience what to do, but I bet your state department of social services that could help you out. If you post your city and state I can try to find if there’s a website that might help.
Stop paying the bills. That’ll at least cut the electricity off and force her to do somthing about it. Other than that, you can forcebly evict her. Check out http://www.landlord.com and visit your state and check out the eviction details. Though if she’s not paying rent, she’s not technically a tenent. Good luck.
But she’s concerned about her grandchildren. Simply kicking her out isn’t going to help the children.
For the sake of the children, you have to evict her. Call Child Protective Services and let them determine if she is fit mother. She certainly doesn’t sound like it. Then start eviction proceedings. You aren’t helping her or the children. You are just letting them continue in the bad situation they are in. I know that sounds harsh, but it is the most loving thing you can do.
I absolutely agree. Depending upon your state, it is likely CPS will provide services, including drug counselling, parenting, etc. If she refuses, then the children will be far better off in foster care, getting proper nutrition, health services, etc.
If she does accept services and eventually gets clean, then there may well be a happy family again.
You really must bit the bullet and do something for the sake of the kids.
Good luck.
and remember, most drug addicts DO want to get off, they just feel they can’t. From my personal experience anyways. Nobody likes being addicted to anything. So getting her help by calling DSS would be a good thing.
Moving this to IMHO, which is more appropriate for opinions than General Questions.
samclem
How old are the children?
I agree with the others who say you aren’t doing the grandbabies any favors by leaving them there in squalor with a drug-addicted mother who obviously can’t care for them properly at this point in her life.
You can offer your daughter one last chance to take the necessary steps to get herself together. If she doesn’t do this within the agreed-to time limit, you can get custody of the kids or place them in foster care. I’ve seen more than one instance of this acting as a wake-up call that cannot be ignored. I know a woman who was so fucked up that she asked her small children to push her husband out a window, and they did it.
The children were taken away from her. It took a few years, but she got off the sauce, straightened up her life, and got them back. The last time I saw her, she seemed happy for the first time in her life. It can happen. Good luck to you.
The term is called “rock bottom” and many addicts need to hit it before they begin recovery. Right now she has a roof over her head, bills all paid, and full costody of her children thereby enabling her behavior. As distasteful as it may be you may need to facilitate the approach of rock bottom by removing the things she has which enable her to continue down her path. If she is a hardcore addict just threatening to do these things may not be enough but you’ll have to make that call yourself.
I agree as well. I know she is your daughter, but IMHO, your grandchildren need to come first. Your daughter is an adult and has options. They do not.
I don’t mean for this to sound like I am attacking you, but my first reaction was this: you have had to move out of your home because it is so filthy and left two children there in the filth with a drug addict and your reasoning for not kicking her out is for the sake of those same children? Please - all you’ve done is provide a roof over a pile of garbage for them and given their mother implicit permission to continue to use drugs with them there. Why stop? She’s got someone else paying the bills. Is it really for the sake of the children or so you don’t feel guilty kicking your daughter out?
If you are old and ill then you really need to first start looking at family members that can help take the kids in, then widen your circle to family friends. Call your local DHR/CPS and explain the situation. It would be great if you already had people lined up to take in the kids. Usually DHR would supervise the transfer after an interview/inspection process of where the kids will go.
But please, don’t leave those kids in that situation and continue to fund it and then tell them it’s for their own good.
Please call Child Protective Services. They can help you, the kids, and your daughter.
Some states (like California) would consider what she’s doing to you to be Elder Abuse, which is a crime, and reportable. She’s taking advantage of you financially.
I agree with the others, leaving the kids in that situation isn’t doing them any favors.
A couple of voices who I usually find to agree with me in my very liberal-minded opinion on all matters drugly have come here and told you to call CPS and kick your daughter to the curb, and let the state take care of the kids unless/until their mom can get her shit together.
Count me in. I must agree.