So the woman who works at my hospital (she doesn’t work in my department; does that still make her a co-worker?) and I have gotten friendly because we’re both Giants fans and she made out well in my football pool. Last week, she sent me some email with some brain-teaser in it, and I asked her if she wanted to grab lunch sometime, since we didn’t get a chance to talk about the Super Bowl yet. The following paraphrased conversation happened via email:
Her: “Sure, how about tomorrow [Thursday]?”
Me: “Tuesdays and Thursdays are tough for me because of school. Friday?”
Her: “Friday it is.”
Then, through poor planning on my part, I had totally forgotten that we have an all-day department retreat Friday.
Me: “I apologize but I must postpone. We have a department retreat Friday that totally slipped my mind. Can we do it Monday? My treat since I’m being the difficult one.”
Her: “Monday’s fine. See you then.”
Well, I ended up taking a sick day today because of a digestive problem and had forgotten that we made plans today. I just checked my email and got this:
Her: “Are we still having lunch today? I was waiting for your call. It’s already 11:40. Let’s do it some other time.”
Shit. Is there anything at all I can say to salvage this situation and not make myself look like a fool at the same time? Need answer fast!
Consider keeping a daily calendar. That wouldn’t fix the case where you got sick, but it would have kept you from the initial scheduling conflict on Friday.
Right, just stop making plans until you know what’s on your calendar. Then, you know, show up.
If I were her, I would have taken your “Sure, I’ll have lunch!” as one of those things people say when they’re trying to be polite, but they really don’t have any intention of following through. I also have a three strikes rule. If I reach out to you three times and you either don’t reciprocate, or don’t show up/accept the invitation, then I assume you’re trying to give me a hint and I should be bright enough to take it. I’m not going to beg or pressure anyone to be my friend, so I will stop calling/texting/emailing/whatever. If that was me you’re dealing with, the ball would be in your court to make good on your word because, by now I’ve written you off as “casual work friend, but not enough of a friend to do stuff outside of working hours.” Which is totally fine. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Pick up the phone, call her, tell the truth and apologize for screwing up the lunch date so badly. Set a final date that you’re sure you’re free on, and don’t screw it up. Drop the email.
Call her, tell her you came down sick (let the sickness imply why you didn’t call her to let her know you were a no-show) and make a final date that you won’t screw up.
Offer to buy her lunch for her (and follow through if she still meets with you).
Know that in her mind, you’ve got a really big reputation as a flake now. If you manage this last appointment and are really nice and apologetic, you’ll go on the list as a sweet flake. If not, you’ll start veering towards jerky flake territory.
This here thing. You need to step it up from email at this point, because you have been dropping the ball. Phone or show up in person. Make sure there is an obvious apology, too - “Dear God, what’s the matter with me? I really want to have lunch with you, and my brain seems to keep falling out of my head. I’m terribly sorry for missing our appointment on Monday - I’m free Tuesday if you’ll take another chance on me.”
It’s not the sickness. It’s forgetting you had made plans and not calling to cancel them.
As others have said, call in person and apologize. Explain you were ill and forgot your schedule for that day. Set a new date in the immediate future and make being there a priority (you’ve already got two strikes against you). Pay for lunch.
I second this. Or do as I do… put every last thing in your phone. I set it up in my calendar for even the most inconsequential things. It never lets me forget.