I love my other half with all my heart. He’s AMAZING. He’s also extremely extroverted, the life of the party, a personality that I (as an introvert) find completely, utterly, exhausting and annoying in everyone but him. With him, it’s perfect.
He has mentioned several times that eventually he wants to get a Jack Russell Terrier. He’s had one before, I have had many dogs and trained literally dozens of service animals, so we aren’t inexperienced. I joke, when he says that he wants a JRT, that I absolutely can’t have two of them in the house- because his personality is EXACTLY that of a JRT. I refuse to be outnumbered.
You are a JRT. Your son is a JRT. Your wife is not, and she feels overwhelmed, outnumbered, and completely shut out of any kind of meaningful relationship with either of you, because you’re too busy bonding with each other and dismissing her attempts to interact in the only way she knows how. Your son hits your wife and throws things at her and you blame her for nagging him. Neither you nor your son are officially diagnosed, and thus are not getting actual, reasonable care for your issues. If you continue to refuse to take the steps necessary to get your son care, you will eventually have a non-verbal teenager who outweighs you and hits/throws things at your wife.
You cannot do this alone. If you continue to try because you think you’re the only one who can possibly understand/help your son, you will end up in an untenable situation, and the only one who will suffer will be your son- because early intervention is absolutely key in these cases.
It needs emphasising that cross-cultural relationships are extra-hard when it comes to having kids. Both of you need to sit down and have clear communications on both of your expectations before the child is born, not after. Suddenly things like language, religion, culture, education and upbringing become extra-important when both parents might be coming at them from slightly different perspectives. My son was born in Japan 14 years ago and raised in New Zealand, but we agreed explicitly from the outset that he’d be raised biculturally and bilingually, as far as was feasible. Which is extra work for both parents, not to mention expense, but neither of us resent it now that it’s really bearing fruition. We’re so glad that we did discuss, negotiate and compromise at the outset, though, rather than blunder through conflicting assumptions about whose way was “right” or “better”. grude, if you’re still reading this, talk to your damn wife, or your boy is going to be the one who suffers.
I don’t know how everyone can think they have the perfect solution for this situation. This is a really tough situation and everyone involved is having trouble. I wish grude the best. I don’t have any answers. I feel for everyone involved.
He asked for opinions, people expressed their opinions. No one claimed a ‘perfect’ solution, or dismissed it as anything less than a very tough situation, as far as I read.
I’m pretty sure everyone who offered advice wishes him the best in a very challenging circumstance, and a difficult location.
I don’t think anyone has said they have the perfect solution- this truly is a complicated situation. I do think that those who have offered suggestions are all pretty much on the same page and I don’t think you can argue with what they’re saying: get you and the family’s passports in order so you can take your son to the states for a diagnosis if the local doctors refuse, get support from the local autism community (who may have suggestions about doctors), stop internally/externally demonizing your wife’s culture and beliefs, stop trying to do everything on your own.
In grude’s case it is literally the blind leading the blind- a non-diagnosed autistic adult trying to assist a non-diagnosed autistic child, with no outside support/assistance/clinical interventions. It’s a recipe for disaster.
Trinidad and Tobago (and for that, a lot of the Caribbean), is very sexist. Even when couples separate, the man (the woman too) tends to be very jealous. Therefore, killing of current or recently separated/divorced women (be it wives, booty calls, mistresses, girlfriends, fiancées, etc.) is not uncommon.
What he is saying is that it is sadly not uncommon to hear on the news about a man killing a woman he had some relationship with. And this is not limited to poor people, but happens across socioeconomic sectors.
What I can get on the context and what I’ve known of relationships here is that he’s saying that they’re dysfunctional (ie, lack of communication), and spousal murder is a sign of dysfunctional relationships (but not necessarily due to lack of communication).
Possibly harm him? But doesn’t fit else he’s written (and spousal murder tends to be male to female, although cases of women attacking men are not rare).
Dude, I PM’d you with a bunch of questions. Did you get it? I like to think I’m a helpful father of an autistic child paying it back and paying it forward with our experience.
dude you really hate your wife, seen couples break up over cheating an stuff ,but because you are disrespect to her race and culture you even said she will have to live a lower standard in the us than she does now. i think you are a self centered person
somehow i think your part of the story is one sided
u ain’t the only one. i’ve seen couples do more than break up over punctuation and shit i think yur write about his story being one sided he should get her to post 2
I don’t know that he hates his wife, but he is contemptuous toward her, and as we’ve seen in the “do you regret getting divorced from your passionless marriage” thread, the fact that he appears offended at the thought of having sex with her points to a long, slow spiral to marriage doom if they don’t genuinely work to fix it.
Sorry, I could have been more clear. I was drawing a parallel between the stories we see in that thread and this comment from grude in this thread:
One of the consistent themes in the other thread is the connection between the lack of physical/sexual attention/affection and the demise of the marriage.
connection between the lack of physical/sexual attention/affection ???
this grude guy is not consistent with his stories another thread he said his wife sleep fucked him,then now he is like she wants to continue having sex and HE TOLD her NO Thanks bs come on what guy turns down his wife ,he need to face it ,he has serious issues
They are great. Thanks for asking. This reminds me to do a Christmas eve update since they will be 11 this year. Audrey is in the gifted program, plays guitar, learned how to properly use words like “indulgent”, and thoroughly enjoys bossing around her twin.
Serena is doing Washington On-line learning from home and puts in a full 6 hour day of classwork (vs her previous well meaning special needs class that taught to the lowest common denominator), is working on her conversation skills, and has progressed to “Green sleeves” on the piano. She doesn’t like being bossed around by her twin but they seem to have a really good time together when it’s just the two of them home together for an hour or two. As the pediatrician that resuscitated Serena at birth said “progress is good.”
