How Do I Stop Obsessing Over My Friends? (Kinda Long)

All of them, but one in particular. I didn’t know any of them before this year but we have immediately grown very close, but one in particular is my best friend. There was a chance that we could have gotten together at first, but things didn’t work out, maybe for the better since we still are very close. But anyway…

One night she brings another friend over who proceeded to get drunk and be obnoxious and hurtful to her all night. This bothers me A TON. I proceed to get on his case, scare the crap out of him, and he never comes over again.

Next, she is still single and we have a new roommate. New roommate is engaged to some other girl, and wants everyone to lie about it for him. He proceeds to hit on her all night. It made me LITERALLY SICK (it was a good 20-30 minute bathroom trip). Well…after she tells me that she is going to stay overnight with him, I decide to break the news. She is really hurt, starts crying, but at least nothing happened, she went home, roommate got kicked out. Onward…

Lastly, she gets a boyfriend she really likes. I meet him, HATE HIM. Since I met him, he has now grown into a very good friend of mine, but I still can’t get over how knee-jerk my hatred was for him.

But the one that was a kicker to me was just tonight. Evidently after I left for break a few friends engaged in a little strip poker. Sure enough…another bathroom trip for me.


It isn’t as if I frown on that behavior. She was with people we both trust and I’m glad she is having fun. Similar things happen with OTHER friends too. At first I just felt like I was being a friend, but has since turned into an obsessive father like role that is kinda scaring me.

dude you have feelings for this chick and your going to be hurt alot.

Your problem is that you want to bend her over and work her like a pack mule but you’re either too scared or too obsessed to do anything about it.

Either discuss your feelings or make a run for it before you wind up a complete wreck.

It sounds like jealousy. If you are only attracted to women, do you only feel this way about female friends? If your feelings fade for this woman, they may rise up again for another buddy.

The only way to keep from obsessing is to find some action of your own.

You need to break it off with her. If you can’t submerge or re-direct your feelings someone is going to wind up very hurt. You should have a talk with her and tell her that you really cannot manage your feelings toward her in way that is good for all concerned and you need to step back for awhile from socializing and interacting with her. Given your history I would imagine this will not be a newsflash to her. If she is really a friend she will understand.

Your behavior is very troubling. I hate to think of how you would act toward her if you were together. You seem to be very self-aware, and recognize that this is not a reasonable way to act toward a friend, which is good. I would recommend talking to a therapist. It doesn’t mean you’re crazy or have a problem – they are going to be much more qualified to help you sort through these feelings and figure out what’s behind them.