I’m sure there are some guys, somewhere, who would appreciate being asked out, and I’m sure there are some who wouldn’t. I think more women should ask men out because, even if it doesn’t lead to a date, it would give both genders a better understanding of what the other traditionally goes through. It can be hard to dial up your courage and ask someone, and it can be hard to disappoint someone by turning them down. If we all knew what that was like maybe we’d cut each other a bit more slack.
And whatever you did, Daphne, whatever path you took to get there, it sounds like it worked out in the end.
I’ve asked guys out and have very rarely failed. Of course, these were just average fellows and no super rich, buff, Adonises. I think it just depends.
So i was virgin until 27. Chalk it up to serious social anxiety, depressions, and being overweight. Had sex for three years until my relationship ended. In the past 4 years had some sexual relationships but have been sexless for well over a year now.
I’ve approached women in the past year, but it’s the same tired old story of drama, lots of emotion given for not enough return. My efforts are seen as either needy or pushy, never as caring or as loving. I keep crying the same song as many people here know…I have a career, am fit, have a healthy social network, good family, stable life, and some fun hobbies (concerts, guitar, dancing, and generally pretty open to new experiences) but am somehow not good enough. Maybe I should just be honest that in the looks department I’m probably somewhere around average, and in the money department I’m also somewhere around average as a teacher. For most people that’s what matters. Engineers, Drs, Lawyers, etc are sexy. Teachers are not apparently. And no parents helping me here. Yep I’m a well educated, independent male. Not sexy and maybe intimidating.
I blame this shitty non-committed millennial generation garbage, or the new age hippies with no sense of anything grounded in reality, or career driven narcissists. Bah. Get off my lawn.
Oh well, I’ve fallen in love with my hobbies and books. And my kiddos and friends make me happy mostly. That and beer, and yoga. And just doing a good job at work.
It’s late and I decided to rant. Please forgive me.
No worries, about ranting. I can understand frustration.
What’s sexy is a combination of being good listener, a good conversationalist, an empathic listener, a person with hobbies and interests, and self confidence.
To kind of go off of what **Bullitt **said above, it also depends on what the people you are trying to attract are accustomed to. If you are trying to attract people who are accustomed to being surrounded by thoughtful, intelligent, humorous people, then your being thoughtful, intelligent or humorous won’t do much at all; kind of like a romance version of scarcity and economics.
If you are trying to attract a man who is surrounded by beautiful women, then your good looks will have much less effect than attracting a man who is surrounded by ugly women.
If you are trying to attract a woman who is accustomed to wealth and affluence, then your high income means much less than if a woman is accustomed to poverty and low income.
Not being harsh or Machiavellian, just stating facts. Some men, for instance, express frustration over not being able to attract the women they want, when the reason for that is because they are going after women who have it ‘good’ in life (i.e., are surrounded by high-quality potential mates) and hence are much harder to attract.
This thread has made me wonder how many people go through life without ever having an intimate relationship or sexual experience. Kind of makes you understand why someone would become a monk.
Said another way, everyone’s a 6 trying to attract 7s who are themselves chasing 8s. Substitute whatever number fits you at the start of that inequality.
Hetero, homo, male, female, human, chimp, dog, or prairie chicken; those things don’t matter. 6<7<8 is the fundamental rule of the sexual reproduction universe. Ask male peacocks how much fun dragging that stupid tail around all day is. Not.
To add…the people who have left me haven’t “yet” been very successful relationship wise either, so I find that interesting.
Living well is the best “revenge” as they say.Though I dislike “revenge” I do like to live well and let that success be my noise.
Just booked a holiday! Finished reading a great book! Have dance tonight! And it’s almost payday. Also my job performance is going well. Things feel pretty good all over.
My new addage: I’m going invite people to walk beside me. Rather than me walk to them.
I find it deeply offensive, if not banally simplistic (in general, not necessarily a dig vs. you) that a single number can sum up someone’s desireability. That it is impossible for me to find a gem in the rough who has qualities that I personally look for, and admire, that most everyone else has overlooked or has devalued.
Good point. There is a large variety of both male & female people. So the idea of finding the ideal puzzle piece that fits with your own and them doing the same makes sense. Certainly the essential conceit of the computer questionnaire matchmaking services is to match the many highs and lows of the key and lock so to speak.
Which is a lot more multi-dimensional than a simple “chase the youngest chicks with the biggest breasts” rubric.
OTOH, an awful lot of people seem to look first and foremost for the obvious stuff. Some folks stop right there and date or marry the first Barbie or Ken they find. With predictably poor results. Even beyond that, even folks who have fairly deep well-thought-out criteria for their mate would also be happy if by magic their mate could suddenly be a bit cuter or richer or better-spoken or more fun. That list of desiderata is IMO pretty consistent in everyone.
Truly quirky folks want truly quirky mates. Hooray for them; nothing better to see than two quirkies in love. Makes them deliriously happy and saves them plus two other folks from misery had they paired off differently. But that’s the exception that proves the rule: The bulk of people are looking mostly for the simple common stuff. Which can be scored on a roughly one-dimensional scale. Plus whatever magic “chemistry” happens with their MHC differences when they first get close enough to sniff.
