I’m pretty sure that the evangelicals are against it, but what about the mainline churches? Let’s say we’re talking about two adults (not high school teenagers) in a serious relationship but not yet married. Do those churches have a problem with that?
I’m pretty sure the rules about sexual sin don’t have exceptions for age.
I don’t know what other denominations have a white paper, so to speak, on the issue.
I think mostly they do have a problem, at least formally, but
(a) maybe less of problem than before; on the scale of serious things to worry about, this isn’t as high up as it used to be; and
(b) there would probably be a range of views in the moral theology of most Christian traditions, and at the liberal end of that range would be those who argue that, in the right cirucmstances, this isn’t a problem at all.
In my experience, they mostly ignore it, except for more conservative congregations. They’ll make bland official pronouncements like the one above (“only clearly affirmed in . . . marriage”) and occasionally someone (probably not the pastor) will say something in a Sunday school class that implies that pre-marital sex is sinful and no one will argue, but there will also be several unmarried couples in various stages of relationships including living together and no one will blink or say anything. It’s more or less like asking what the position of your workplace is - there isn’t one because no one cares, but you aren’t supposed to go into personal details because no one cares. It just isn’t talked about.
The United Methodist Church may have an official teaching on it, but I worked for the United Methodist Publishing House thirty years ago. Even then, church leaders were fairly realistic about how relationships developed. Some were even developing their own relationships in the usual way.
I had a Christian roommate who argued that all sex was in fact marriage. So if you ever left a person you had sex with, you were committing divorce. On the other hand, he was okay with multiple wives. But you had to support any woman you had sex with.
I don’ t know how popular his opinion was, though. He also believed that forgiveness for sins was a one-time deal. As in, if you intentionally sin again, you go to hell without mercy.
Like UDS said, I think most denominations are against it, but the Evangelicals just make a bigger deal about it than everyone else.
Before I got married I was living with my fiancee and my priest didn’t seem to think it was a big deal. If he had a problem with it, he never let on.
Most churches today seem to treat it as one of those things like working on Sunday. You’re not supposed to do it, but they’re pretty realistic about it and won’t admonish you if you put in a few hours of overtime on the Sabbath.
They oppose it but avoid confronting it directly or discussing it openly.
I would say it’s pretty much a “don’t ask, don’t tell” type policy with most churches.
Something that is often overlooked is that a statement like the Methodists’ is intended to be a positive thing. A belief in the sacred nature of life, and that all human life is loved by God in a profound way, is at the core of Christian belief.
This leads to the perspective that the most important characteristic of sex is that it is the act that creates new human life. Church teaching on sex is guided first by concern for how sex can create new human life, and influenced to a lesser extent by the physical sensations and emotional aspects.
The affirmation of sex within the lifelong commitment of marriage is based on seeing that as the right venue for bringing new life into the world. It also channels the physical and emotional aspects of sex, which are powerful in their own rights, into roles that support the family and lifelong partnership.
IME, most practicing Christians don’t see their religion as a set of rules not to break, but as a set of positive practices to adopt.
I would say it is still frowned upon. It might not be talked about much from the pulpit, but the community still expects its members to wait until marriage. That’s not to say that everyone does, but those who don’t are very quiet about it – not a whole lot of people shack up before marriage, even if they are having sex. If found out, you won’t be cast out of the church or otherwise punished - but those who know will likely be disappointed in you. But it all becomes pretty much moot once you’re married.
It’s definitely still talked about in the youth group, though – and the girls are are given tips on how to say no to those horny boys. :rolleyes:
That’s been my experience, anyway – I grew up in a traditional/conservative-but-not-fundamentalist nondenominational church, and I now attend a traditional/more liberal Covenant church (the Covenant denomination is a Swedish offshoot of the Lutheran church).
Hope this isn’t too much of a hijack but, this suggests that Methodists would be anti birth control. Is that the case? My understanding is that many mainstream, non-evangelical, christian faiths are ok with birth control.
Actually, this makes me wonder if there is a strong correlation between a church’s stance on birth control on the one hand, and extramarital sex on the other. It would make sense that there would be, but that’s just speculation on my part.
Wow - that sounds like the kind of guy that will, over the years, be battling such internal conflict and demons that someone is going to die - maybe his wife and kids, or office mates. That is outrageous if he really believed that in his heart!
Methodists support access to birth control and even legal abortion. That seems to be a big dividing line between Catholic and Protestant beliefs.
Does acceptance of birth control contradict the centrality of life-creation in sex? I don’t see it as a contradiction. You are still engaging in the act that creates new life, and relying on fallible technology to prevent it. A Methodist’s Christian response to that technology’s failure would have to be consistent with the belief about the sanctity of human life. That type of response is harder when you’re dealing with two people who don’t have the lifelong commitment to each other and the individual and shared commitment to God that Christian marriage is intended to represent.
Since this is GQ, I’m really trying to present this as a perspective, not an argument. As an argument, it’s intended to make sense to people who have already accepted some premises that the general readership may not have accepted :).
The Catholic Church only sanctions sex within a marriage, which it will only recognize between a man and a woman. It also does not approve of any “artificial” form of birth control (condoms, oral contraceptives, spermicides, etc.).
Note that this is not necessarily what is believed or practiced by a given Catholic, only what the Church teaches.
I think most churches see pre-marital sex as one of those many “socially acceptable” sins that are nevertheless sins. You’re not going to get ex-communicated or ostracized if you lie to your pastor, steal from your boss, have pre-marital (or extra-marital) sex, swear when you’re mad, drive over the speed limit or cheat on your taxes, but you’ll be hard pressed to find churches that would say any of those things are OK.
This has even been the perspective of the more fundamentalist or evangelical churches I’ve known.
We Unitarian Universalists as a whole are pretty much okay with affirming that consenting adults have the right to do pretty much whatever they decide to do with other consenting adults. Just use recyclable or sustainable products. Rechargeable batteries are good.
I’m Episcopalian. My experience has pretty much been that of stargazer, although if anything, the Episcopal Church (which is pretty liberal across the board) is even more tolerant than that. My girlfriend and I lived together for almost a year before getting married and received premarital counseling from our pastor, with no hint of disapproval from him. As long you’re not hurting anyone, the great majority of Episcopalians have a “live and let live” philosophy on most sexuality issues.
Does it actually say anywhere in the Bible that sex between two unmarried people is forbidden? There’s the commandment about adultery, but that requires at least one of the participants to be married. So where’s the rule about unmarried people?
You know…I really do think that this type of “sex ed” would be more effective if it was included in a kind of “family life’ course. Teach the kids about what healthy good realtionships are, and that being told you’re loved by someone can feel just as good as doing it.
A lot of kids are in the “grow up too fast” sort of thing. I think a lto of kids don’t really understand too much about real honest to god “best friends” types of realtionships (a romantic realtionship is a nautral outgrowth of a best friends type of realtionship) In other words a lot of them are still following the " How to get a boy or a girl” tips in those dumbass teen mags