How do you break up with some one you're not sure you were dating?

Okay, sit back.

I’ve gone out four or five times with a guy I know. He hasn’t touched me in this time…held my hand, put his arm around me, nothing. We’ve had lots of fun…gone to dinner (he paid once or twice, after I insisted I could pay for myself), watched movies in his room, gone to a coffeeshop concert…

But, I had a bit of an epiphany recently, and I don’t want to date anyone right now. Starting college, and all that jazz…I just want to have guy friends, not a boyfriend right now. But anyway. So, if he thinks we’re dating, I want to break it off, but if he thinks we’re just friends who hang out a lot, then I’m good.

Help, please…I haven’t dated before, and I don’t exactly know what I’m doing here. Okay, I don’t know at all. :confused:

Thanks much for any advice…


You say he hasn’t touched you, right? So, has he looked at you in “that way”, or have you heard something in his voice?

It doesn’t really sound (from what you’ve described in your OP) like he’s lusting after you. I’d suggest not worrying about it for right now.

I’m assuming that y’all have never had a conversation about dating each other.

Sounds to me like y’all are just friends.

If he ever does ask you out, or make a move on you, then just tell him firmly but tactfully that you really don’t have the time for a relationship right now.

Hope this helps.

You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.

Sounds to me like you already are good friends… if he tries to take it further just tell him you enjoy his friendship for now.

“Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.”

If you aren’t sure you are dating someone, then you are dating them otherwise there would be no unsureness.

Sounds like a very nice guy & that lots of women would like someone like that. Why don’t you keep seeing him when you can? Maybe he can assist you with college stuff. Believe me that’s worth plenty.

If he doesn’t add anything to your life, then just tell him that you’re really busy to go out. It isn’t a lie. If he does add something, if he makes you laugh etc., then don’t do anything to stop it. Sounds like you have a nice friendship.

If you have a suspicion that he wants to be more than friends with you, don’t take advantage of his interest just to maintain a friendship.

I was sitting around with a bunch of guys in University one night, and asked them, “What’s the worst thing you can ever hear from a woman”. The unanimous answer was, “Let’s be friends”.

While it is possible for a single man and a single woman to be just buddies, in my experience it’s pretty rare, and this ‘friendship’ usually consists of one person wanting a lot more but going along with the wishes of the other because they’d rather be with them in any way than not with them at all. The end result is always a lot of pain for the ‘interested’ person, whether male or female.

Thank you all for your advice…

The main reason I’m unsure is that the things we’ve done seem like “date-like activity,” but it’s like being with one of my guy friends, but for a long time, and just the two of us. Anyway, I’ll act on the assumption that he just wants to be friends, and if the issue comes up, deal with it then.

Thank you very much.


Visualize this: You’ve just gone to see a movie with this guy and now the two of you are sharing a pizza at some local place. Your friend says, “Pix, there’s something I want to ask you as a woman. There’s this girl in my Poli Sci class that’s real cute and I’m thinking of asking her out. What would be a good place to invite her to in this town?” Now at this point in the conversation it should be clear he doesn’t figure he’s dating you. If your reaction to this is, “Well, he could ask her to go dancing at that new club downtown,” everything’s fine. If your reaction is, “Grrr, what does that Poli Sci slut got that I don’t got,” you now have a problem.

You gotta have friends to have dates. You can’t just start from zero and say, “now I’m going to date.” Group “dates” may work for you.

sunbear, what’s a date today? When I was a teenager, a date was just sitting on the curb talking to each other it seemed.

Who knows…I’ll find out when my kids start dating…in about 6-7 years.

I’m perfectly fine with him dating other people. I’m the one who doesn’t want to date in this situation. I don’t know how he feels, and until it becomes a problem, I’m fine that way, too.

I suggest you have sex with him firt. You never know… :slight_smile:

Yer pal,

Satan, you’ve already got my soul–what more do you want?