I would partially disagree with this. Sure, being surrounded by people you totally don’t relate to or can’t connect with is probably more lonely than being actually alone. But it can also be good to have a lot of casual acquaintances. You wouldn’t invite them to your wedding, but they are people you would say “hi” to if you saw them on the street. Or maybe they are just a familiar coworker or someone from some club or activity you go to. Maybe it’s just a waiter or bartender or girl in a sandwich shop who just recognizes you as a regular customer. It’s the difference between feeling like you are connected to your world vs just being some stranger wandering through it.
Having lived in NYC, IMHO one can feel just as isolated in a giant city as in the middle of nowhere. Often more so, as it can seem like everyone else has something to do or someplace to be.
Meetup.com and okcupid are good ways to meet people with a shared hobby/interests in your area.
Alternatively, multiplayer online gaming filled a social void in my life for several years. It’s not the same as going out for dinner or a beer with some friends, but there is always someone online to have beer or eat dinner with while blowing shit up in a game. And you don’t have to put on pants, so in some ways it’s better. While many people say that internet social connections aren’t as strong or mentally healthy as ones in meatspace, online connections are FAR better than no connections at all (particularly from a mental health standpoint). Some people aren’t good at maintaining real life friendships, whether it’s due to circumstance (don’t live near people with similar interests, don’t work outside the home, have mobility issues, large age gaps) or mental/physical issues. Online friends give them something to live for. For example, my longtime Canadian friend can’t give me a ride to the doctor for surgery. But we provide emotional support for each other and have shared a lot of fun experiences doing a hobby we both loved. More importantly, those interactions got me through some hard times, without which I would’ve been at serious risk for suicide.
I could have written this, except I would add that meeting people is not terribly difficult, and neither is “putting myself out there.” People just don’t like me.
This has been true for many years now, and I’m not sure what to do about it.
I get out of myself and out of my own head and go do something kind for someone else. Adopt a pet. Volunteer. Teach a skill. Adopt a highway. Serve food in the homeless shelter kitchen. Serve, give, and share.
I don’t really know how to answer your question Wesley Clark, except to say I think I understand how you feel and I hope you find yourself a little less lonely soon. How people make new friends except through other friends is a complete mystery to me. When you have no friends, or friends who don’t seem to want to share “their” friends, it seems like you just have to get lucky somehow.
I suspect this is true for me too. It’s as if, even when I try to make conversation, acquaintances put up a “small talk only, over with as fast as possible” wall.
