I get lonely in the evenings sometimes. Bad solution, but I take pills to amuse myself. A few Vicodin and some television entertains me greatly, also cigarettes. Before everyone jumps on me, I know pills are addictive and I’m careful. I guess I am of the belief that most adults need something, whether it be alcohol, drugs, etc., to get through life. A few pills can be like a pillow of comfort.
I don’t know what causes your loneliness. Maybe you’re not social and don’t make friends easily. I am lucky, I have great friends, but I do still get lonely. At night I lay alone and sometimes wish there was someone next to me. That’s a really deep loneliness. I see couples all around me, people dating, people having sex lives, etc., yet I’m laying there all alone. The funny thing is that I’m really attractive, but I still have problems finding the type of man I want to be with.
Actually, I have pets, and sometimes I wish I didn’t. I love 'em dearly, but they tie me down, since I have nobody to take care of them if I go anywhere. So I never go anywhere. I suck at sports, and work full-time and go to grad school. So there isn’t much time to hang out.
We need to have a giant, lonelyhearts Dopefest!! If only there was a place where we could all go…
I have a fairly active social life, but I know the kind of loneliness you mean. I find hobbies that fill up my time at home, alone.
Being outdoors with something on which to focus (flyfishing), is a great comfort to me. As an indoor pastime, tying flies releases some of my creative urge and gets my mind off needing someone. Sometimes you just have to walk through the pain, and allow time for it to pass. It’s not easy.
Allow me to refer you to the great Wilco song, How to Fight Loneliness, which can be found (if you don’t want to buy a Wilco album) on the Girl, Interrupted soundtrack.
The above advice seems pretty good. Get a pet, drink coffee, do some baking or reading. I’m not so sure about the Vicodan though. Be careful, Indygrrl, especially if you are using the pills moe often or at higher dose than your usual “pillow”.
Why not do some volunteer work – it’s a great way to get out of the house and meet folks.
Okay, I need to can posting attention-seeking solitude posts. Sorry about that.
Anyway, I’ve tried that, John Carter of Mars. It appears that I have a target painted on me that says “please proselytize me” or something and it happens almost every time I try to make a connection with anyone.
So if I’m ever in purgatory (although I’ve heard rumors that I’ll never make it that high), want to grab a cup of coffee, Bosda?
It really depends on what you mean by loneliness, lorene.
Just alone.
Well, I get things done, read message boards, go to the near-by Borders and read till midnight, grab a movie myself, swim, job, cycle or play a good computer game
Hmm… the loneliness thing? I dealt with it when I was around 15 when it was manifested by that whole “Nobody understands me” bit. Then I got out of that and just got plain wish there was somebody around lonely. That lasted until I was about 18 (aka now). Still trying to figure out how to deal with it. Previous attempts at permanent solutions (aka attempted suicide) proved unsatisfactory. I think I’m gonna learn to draw at www.learn-to-draw.com That should give me something to while away the incredibly late nights and stuff. If anybody’s got more/better suggestions, keep em comin.
Sometimes I just do the internal monolouge thing. Other times I do like Indygrrl does because frankly, most TV is only tolerable when slightly buzzed. (I am so beyond pissed that they cancelled farscape) I can’t remember the last time I went out or spoke to another human in person other than my therapist. This board helps a lot and so does the phone. A lot of the time i keep my mind busy pondering mechanical problems or reading my books. (I occasionally visit sites where they have stories online but it’s just not the same as having a real book becase i can’t take it to the bathroom) Sometimes I even come up with an invention or two but I don’t ever follow up on them since I have no one to bounce ideas off of. I go through one or two pots of coffee a day. It’s really hard to say something personal after several other people have said the same thing becase it just sort of takes the wind out of your sails to have one’s problems pre-emptively ranted. I would probably post twice as much as I do if others hadn’t already. I wanna call dibs on my bitching! Crying only works if it’s done when you know things will get better or if its releasing a lot of pent-up crap that isnt being actively dumped upon you.
Some of you had practical advice (much appreciated by this onlooker) but I think the most I got out of this thread was a reminder of just how many people there are like us. Sometimes, when I’m particularly sad, it seems as if I’m not just rationally and predictably suffering from physical and emotional isolation: I’m also the only one in the world who could possibly be feeling this way. It’s personal.
So I thank all of the posters here. The next time I’m blue I’ll try to remember that at least I’m not alone in my loneliness. I’m normal. It feels wrong to take comfort in others’ suffering, but there it is. (That you are all strangers to me makes it feel less wrong, I admit.)
Have you ever been in a situation when you were nervous in front of people and said, “Hoo-boy, am I ever nervous”? It really helps. Same goes for admitting embarrassment: try to hide it and you blush all the more. And I think a similar effect occurs with loneliness to some degree. So a second “thank you” for the opportunity to write that first paragraph. Yes, I’m lonely.
Coping strategies? A dog who loves me and depends on me. (Heck, even the fish help.) Email. TV as background noise. Clinging desparately to the belief that I’m not worthless and deserving of loneliness and that it won’t last forever.
I wish I had some advice, but I don’t. Lonliness is something I’m dealing with, too.
I have my 3 kids so I’m not completely alone, but it’s not quite the same as adult interaction. My husband is in the military, and I only talk to him about once a week.
I read alot, hang out on message boards too much and try to make online friendships that don’t work out for one reason or another.
In the summer I’m going to start taking classes online, so that should help take up alot of my time.
Reminds me of Conway Twitty’s song “Somebody needing somebody” . I could relate to that song unbelievably.My suggestion would be get out there and find someone to be with.Chances are two people can lose the void in their lives.To me being alone was a torture.I didn’t choose to be alone ,death took my husband at age 40,but I did bounce back.Good luck and find love.
My husband travels a lot, and once I put my son to bed, I sometimes get lonely. I find that chatting online makes me feel better. Of course, I only chat at mIRC in the straightdope room, so it really feels like you are with friends. Even if you don’t chat, you can read what the others are saying, and you feel like you’re part of the group.
I work. I have two jobs, and have a set schedule of about 70 hrs a week, and try to pick up extra shifts from other people as often as possible. It manages to keep my mind busy enough, and me tired enough, to not dwell on the fact that I have no one in my life. The down side is, when I randomly end up w/ a few days off, I get so down and lonely that I spend the whole time depressed and moping around. And if I do go out and socialize, I end up just feeling lonlier, cause I’ve never really felt included/accepted, even when I’m with a group of people who are my friends. Of course, my lonliness is kinda self imposed, mainly cause most people don’t live up to my expectations, so, I’ve found it’s better to just be alone, then to be let down continually.
