How do you have sex with a picnic table?

Factual Questions
1

See subject. An ATM I can envision, sort of, if you squint.

2

Picnic tables might have umbrella holes…

3

<3

4

Another thread on this… somewhere.

ETA: here

5

Not to be alarmist, but I believe a crime wave, and no doubt an Internet sub-culture (or at least new DSM paraphilia definition) may be afoot. Case law from 2008 on picnic-table intercourse can be cited. A concerned citizen had the good sense to videotape (oh, YouTube, born too late!) someone–a man, just to be clear–not just attempting to get to third base like the man of the OP but actually scoring. On four separate occasions. Not even drunk, as far as I know.

The absolutely best part of the report is a neighbor using the PC fad-words “there should be zero tolerance,” a bold call for action to counter the prevalent lax enforcement policy on picnic-table intercourse.

  1. Southern Yankee, based on post #2, would be a wonderful asset for an FBI investigation team. Or approached with caution.

  2. This is why this thread is here in GQ, not MPSIMS.

6

Since there is already a thread on this, and MPSIMS is a more appropriate forum, I’m going to close this one.

Colibri
General Questions Moderator