If a single person receives an invite to a wedding, and the invite says “plus one”, do you interpret that as having any limitations? Does it mean someone you have some sort of an ongoing relationship with? Any date? A friend or roommate? A stranger?
If you are extending invites, do you attempt any restrictions on plus ones? Do you extend them only to people who are in relationships?
Nothing I have really strong opinions about. Was recently at a wedding, and one of the bride’s sisters came in from out of town, with a friend as her plus one. No big deal, but it just impressed me as unusual. Turns out it wasn’t, as her parents and other family members knew and liked the guest. But just made me wonder about this.
To me a +1 one means bring a guest. If I just you to bring a significant other, I will get their name and include it on the invite.
As the invited guest, it’s my responsibility to ensure that the +1 is not going to be upset because they are a homophobe at a same-sex wedding, previously slept with the groom, or likely to get drunk and fall into the cake.
This question reminds me that my sister’s plus one to my wedding was her then-boyfriend’s BROTHER! For some reason, her boyfriend couldn’t make it, my sister wanted to have someone at the wedding to talk to, and he was basically the only person available on short notice. Boyfriend was apparently fine with this and so far as I know, it was all very innocent.
As far as I’m concerned, my guests can use their plus ones however they want. Again, at my wedding, a good friend from L.A. needed to travel to Northern California for the ceremony. She didn’t want to drive alone so she brought a work colleague who was lovely and spent much of the night flirting and having a great time with one of my very good friends. Two of our bridesmaids had been dating for a long time but broke up shortly before the wedding. Both brought friends as plus ones to make sure they had moral support.
Other people will only extend plus ones to people in serious relationships. I can understand that. Weddings are expensive and you can keep the guest count down a bit that way. I think the understanding, if it is not explicitly stated, is that the plus one really shouldn’t be used for just anyone.
+1 means the invitee and between 0 and 1 additional age-appropriate humans…whom THE GUEST will be socially responsible for.
Bring Homeless Rando if you want, but it’s your ass if he gets up to unacceptable shenanigans.
Apart from that caveat, no restrictions unless specified: “You + 1 (no ‘NOKD’)”
“Plus one” means that your guest gets to invite their guest.
If you wanted to invite some other named individual, you should send that person an invite. If you want to limit your invitation to a person and their significant other, you can include that on their invitation to them (the same way that you can say things like “kids welcome”, or “adults only”, you can say “your spouse or significant other is also cordially invited to attend”)
But if you send me something telling me I am invited, “plus one”, than I think the only practical limitation is that I am expected to not invite somebody who is so boorish that they will make a scene (so, probably not a raving lunatic you just met on the street), so immature that they can’t handle the event (so, probably not a toddler who won’t sit still, or a mini horse who might crap in the middle of the reception), or a sworn enemy of the bridal party (so, no tracking down the vengeful ex of the bride or groom).
But friends, lovers, acquaintances, new relationships, occasional hookups, and fuck buddies all are ok, IMHO.
I would add just that if it is only your name on the invitation, the absence of a +1 does not mean it is somehow implied. Show some maturity and attend the event on your own, or failing that, decline the invitation and deal privately with your insecurity.
1: If the person is in a relationship they might very well want to bring them, possibly for some people it would be a requirement for if they attend, they go as a couple.
2: You want to enable a person to bring a friend so they will have someone to talk to and not feel awkwardly alone in a crowd.
Also to me, unless otherwise specified it includes any age that the event is appropriate for, so yes a child can be a +1 and that possibility should be expected. In that a +1 might be given to a single parent of a kid to give them the option of bringing them without obligating the child to attend (obligating by listing the child’s name on the invite)
Of course, inviting just one member of a married couple to a wedding is a horrible etiquette faux pas, and in that case it’s acceptable to make an indirect approach to see if the hosts were somehow unaware you were married. If they were aware, and purposely excluded your spouse, the correct response is to politely decline to attend.
To me its a guest; any guest I choose. Often it will be my wife but — there are times —
I was invited to a wedding and the Old Wench didn’t really care to attend. So I took a coworker from China who was curious about western wedding traditions. And it gave me someone to talk to.
I’m invited as a guest to various seasonal haunted attractions and escape rooms; again just not her thing. So allow me a guest and finding someone among our circle of friends who want to go isn’t tough.
Agree that +1 is not limited to romantic partners; if the host intends that, they should invite the partner by name. I attended a wedding of a classmate shortly after I graduated as a plus-one of a mutual friend. The bride invited several female friends from college and gave them all plus ones even though they were single, and they all brought other female friends from college, and we had a great time together. I still remember that as one of the most enjoyable weddings I’ve ever been to.
I’ll go one farther and say it’s rude not to invite the serious partner of a guest, even if they’re not married. There’s some wiggle room in what constitutes serious, but in general if they’re living together and have been together for years, “no ring, no bring” is a dickish attitude to have.
When I was in college, my best friend invited me to be his best man. Another friend was snippy about the fact that I was bringing my girlfriend along, since by his lights, he felt that invitations only implied a second person could come along if that other person was a fiancee or wife. My best friend told the other fellow that my girlfriend had been invited separately, and would not be going as my guest (three years later, my best friend was in my own wedding party).
I think if you don’t know someone well enough to know/get the name of the person with whom they are in a serious relationship, married or otherwise, then they’re not really close enough to invite to a wedding. But then, I prefer smaller more intimate weddings and understand this may not always be possible with a big society-style wedding with hundreds of people invited.
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You’re right, totally dickish. To me, even if they’re not living together but are in a few-months-or-more exclusive dating relationship, that’s more than enough reason to extend the courtesy.
I come at this from the perspective of being a long-term widow who is not in a serious relationship. I would never be offended if I received a wedding invitation addressed to me only and would consider it a kindness if the bride included a +1 – but hardly an obligation. And I would never assume I should just bring someone. That’s the point I was trying to make in my original post.
“Plus one” means that the people who are inviting you do not know the name of who you are currently seeing, or don’t know if you are seeing anyone, or don’t want to refer to the last known relationship you were in that may have broken up by now. “Julia! We are so looking forward to seeing you and Ted again!” Six months after you have had a horrible break up with Ted.
It is the invitation to bring someone, if you choose to, or come alone, or bring a friend. It is not really that complicated.
The first paragraph hints at what I was sorta thinking. At a reception where the hosts are paying per plate, it doesn’t strike me as crazy to try to limit the total number, without appearing rude, and to prefer that a guest bring someone they are in a relationship with - or who at least has relations with some of the other guests. But looking for a date just to bring someone, or just asking your drinking buddy along because you can and it’s an open bar, just strikes me as a little off.
But I agree with what everyone says. Bring another human, but choose wisely.
And I guess the type of event can have an effect. At some smaller, more intimate affairs, it might detract from the overall vibe to have someone who knows no one. But at a big bash, the more the merrier.
The rudest thing I recall is when a single guest was invited, and they wrote in “plus 1” on the RSVP!
When our son got married a few years back the invitations to the “non married” invitees were addressed to iclude “and guest” Significant others get added and deleted quite regularly and we weren’t about to adjudicate the “closeness” of any of the relationships. consider it dinner and booze on us.
