Ah, sorry to double-post and hijack all in one but this has to be said.
There was an episode of Tiny Toon Adventures, I think it was, where there was a bird who said “X! X!” as its cry and left X-shaped footprints. The protagonists were following a treasure map. They followed the bird hoping the bird would lead them to the X, but the bird led them to EGGS instead. And the line was “Ahh! He wasn’t saying ‘X’, he was saying ‘EGGS!’” Har har har…
Then I saw the same episode in French later on, and the punchline was, “Ahh! Il n’a pas dit ‘X’, il a dit ‘OEUF!’” It just didn’t have the same effect.
Four or five years ago, my very first boyfriend managed to track me down via Classmates. We get along really well on line - chatting a couple of times a week (unless he gets preachy, then I find chores to attend to…) He was the first to break my heart, but I long since got over it (it’s over 30 years since we last saw each other)
In some ways I feel sorry for him - he’s on his third marriage, and his wife is battling cancer. But he has matured since I knew him - heck, we were kids - we both had a lot of growing up to do. I expect if we lived closer than 2500 miles apart, we’d be friends again.
Another ex - the one who dumped me while he was out to sea - did come back and we sorta reconciled, but I think he was threatened by my ambition, and we lost touch back in the late 70s. I bear him no ill will any longer, and I often wonder what became of him.
I like my ex a lot, as long as she doesn’t call me more than twice a week at 3 a.m. to give me a detailled account of some issue at her workplace or with her current/ex/future boyfriend (his status is currently undetermined, as far as I can tell from last night’s call).
The vast majority of my exes are perfectly nice guys whom I’m delighted to occasionally hear from, and I wish them well. The one or two who aren’t? Well, I’m the very last person they’re likely to look up.
To me, there’s a statute of limitations on “ex”. I have one or two people I dated at one time, whom I’m now friends with. But at this point, they’re my friends, not my exes.
I don’t mean to get all pissy here or anything, but when I wrote “ex-” I meant “ex-spouse.” Not that I want to hijack my own OP, but the pain of breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend is IMO a drop in the bucket of breaking up a marriage, and that bucket is a drop in the ocean of breaking up a marriage with kids involved. Before I got divorced, I thought I had been deeply shaken by some breakups with girlfriends–women I’d been enormously entangled emotionally with, who I felt I’d loved very much–but the idea of comparing those breakups to a breakup with the woman I’d vowed to be with until death did us part and who was the mother of my kids–well, it is to laugh, my dears.
Not wanting to devalue or invalidate anyone’s experience, nor really to hijack this thread (the stories are interesting, whether about ex-spouses or exes in general) but this is comparing kiwis to watermelons.
It feels like asking “How did you feel when you broke a bone?” and getting in response “Well, this one time, I thought I broke a bone but I only skinned my knee…” Yes, your skinned knee hurt, really bad, maybe the worst pain you’d ever felt in your life, but…
Don’t see him, seldom think of him, when I do, don’t have strong feelings - except amusement - wish him well, though honestly, I admit that when I do hear about him, it does make my toes sort of tingle to realize that he has not acheived “the best.”
Ex-1:
Things ended badly, but not angrily; there was just a lot of hurt put on her by me because I’m the one that broke it off. Didn’t hear from her for about 5 years, then out of the blue, got a phone call from her. She’s in her third marriage now, with 4 kids, and overall, pretty happy. We get along great, chat online multiple times each week, and generally have let bygones be bygones. Unfortunately, in a moment of weakness on her part, she admitted she’s still in love with me, but I don’t let her dwell on that, and keep things platonic and social, which is easy since we’re 800 miles apart.
Ex-2:
Have no idea. Things ended badly there, but not like Ex-1. In this case, because of a meddlesome outsider to the relationship, a lot of distrust came up, and some paranoia (it was a complicated relationship). Haven’t heard from her since August of '99, but I do hope she’s happy and doing well.
Ex-3:
She calls me her “best friend,” but that’s as far as it goes for her. Honestly, I’m still in love with her (deeply), but circumstances of life situations and distance (she’s 1000 miles away) make it impossible to pursue.
As far as I am concerned, my ex-wife is still part of my family - like those cousins who you really don’t care to see in person more than a few times a year at holidays but would still do all kinds of favors for because, after all, they’re still family. You wish them well, you feel for them if things are going badly, you don’t cut them out of your life, but you don’t feel responsible for them on a daily basis either.
My ex-wife remains my best friend. I still love her dearly; but we are just incompatible. She likes women in that way more than I do. And I like men more than she does.
Anastaseon I could’ve written your post about the first ex. My ex moved to California after I escaped his abusive clutches 8 years ago. I still have nightmares about the bastard. I used to wish he’d die. Now want him to live and be miserable. I’m sure I’m getting my wish since I don’t know many happy alcoholics who’ve lost everyone because of their emotionally and physically abusive behavior.
Second ex: What a bitch. No way we could ever be friends. I don’t generally hang out with manipulative psychotic people. (I only date them for a while )
Third ex: We’re great friends! She’s a fabulous person but we just weren’t compatible as a couple. My current partner gets along with her swimmingly which I think is amazing. I couldn’t imagine not being friends with her.
Interesting, I found that breaking up with my last ex was MUCH harder than getting divorced. Perhaps it’s because we still loved each other and she was moving across the country. My ex wife dumped me out of the house uncermoniously and basically screwed me with an expensive lawyer.
As for my ex wife, I vacillate between indifference to outright loathing. Since we have kids together we talk regularly and sometimes there is a glimmer of happiness from a shared reminiscence or inside joke but if I never had to speak to her again it would not be a big deal to me. I cannot say the same for me last ex gf, in fact I’ve had to cut off contact with her as it is just too painful emotionally.
My ex IS dead. I didn’t exactly wish it on him. In fact, I bent over backward to have a civil relationship with him after we split up (for the sake of the sprout). But he refused to “color inside the lines” and just caused me to resent him more and more over the years. I was with him when he died, but only for the sake of my boy.
I’m really glad I’m not married to him anymore as he had a tendency to become rather belligerent when he drank.
We get along fine as long as we don’t have to live near each other.
Once in a while he will slip a little comment into our conversations alluding to the fact that I have married someone he perceives to be “rich;” which, as far as I can tell, must mean “he can pay his bills and still eat.”
Other than that, I wish him well. But, then again, I wouldn’t wish harm on anyone, so he’s not special or anything.
We were never formally married, but we lived together ten years, which I think was close enough. We got a bit tired of each other towards the end; when I decided to move back to the States from Europe, she stayed behind.
I haven’t seen here in about five years, but we’ve stayed in touch by phone or E-mail ever since, and thoughout her unsuccessful marriage to a Swiss-Italian artist with whom she’s had one child. As it happens, I’ll be in France on business next week and will nip down to Geneva for a day or so to say hello.
I’ve been something of an underachiever on the relationship front, but I count myself lucky I haven’t had any that might inspire the thoughts of violence expressed by some of the folks here. There are probably a couple of ex-semi-GFs who don’t think too highly of me, but I’m pretty sure it’s because I was somewhat neglectful rather than actively mean.
Heh…our ex’s must have been cut from the same cloth. I was accused of being materialistic because I had a job! This, coming from a man who passed up an offer to have free plumbing installed in his un-plumbed house so he could buy some pot.
What he said. Then get rid of the oven, any cooking utensils that were used, the clothes and gloves I wore while I was doing it, the drowned rat corpses, and any leftover bits of the ex by annihilating them with an equal amount of antimatter.
I hate her. I’ve just recently come to realize that. I tolerate her for the sake of our daughter, but geez she is one screwed-up woman who will never get anywhere in life. She’s one of those types of people who is nice on the outside, but constantly makes stupid decisions, has bad luck, drifts from job to job and apartment to apartment, can’t stand to be alone, and always likes some drama around her. I pity her basically.
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